2008 was probably one of the best years of movies during my lifetime. We witnessed the rise of the superhero, the continuing success of Apatow & the return of such titans as Rourke, Jones and Downey Jr. This lead me to realize that, while making my worst of the year list, that not all of them were that bad to me. Mind you, I haven't seen what I've heard are the shittiest (Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, Mummy 3, 10,000 BC, Love Guru, etc.
). Thus, the lower half of the list mainly consists of movies I would give mid to low "Rentals". Mind you, the upper half is full of "Some Old Bullshits" and even, perhaps, a "Fuck You" or two.
10. Step Brothers
I like Will Ferrell. I like John C. Reilly. You'd think with the addition of Richard Jenkins, Mary Steenburgen & the producing power of Judd Apatow that this would be right up my alley. It wasn't. While I didn't love Mr. Ferrell's more popular films like Anchorman
& Talladega Nights
, I found them to be watchable mainly due to the earnest and likable performances by the leading man and his supporting cast. With Step Brothers
, the performances don't come off as likable and misguided; they come off as immature, uncomfortable and, above all, douche bag-ish. Despite the nice amount of chuckles, I found myself hating these characters.
9. You Don't Mess With the Zohan
This one does have some merit; it's the best Adam Sandler-Happy Madison movie since The Wedding Singer
, but that's like finding a slightly dirty fresh banana amongst an ape feces ridden jungle. While the movie manages to have many hilarious scenes involving Sandler's over the top espionage skills, the scenes involving Sandler's lustful encounters with old women, a cliche business tycoon played by the man who copyrighted "Let's Get Ready to Rumble!" and a role for Rob Schneider that lasts longer than ten seconds put this at the lower end of my list. Also, a scene featuring Kevin James gave me horrible Chuck and Larry
This movie seemed to suffer a similar flaw in performances that Step Brothers
did; every character came off as a prick. I didn't feel for the self-important James McAvoy, the cold killer lack of expression with Angelina Jolie or Morgan "Shoot this Mutha Fucka" Freeman. Oh, I also didn't feel for the terrible writing which gives us exploding rodents, a psychic loom and the one dimensional assassins. While the visual style and humor saves this from being bullshit, it still has a pompous attitude towards its own audience
for being normal and not wanting to kill people with snipers from hundreds of yards away that makes me want to punch that McAvoy square in the jaw.
7. Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist
This was a disappointment; I thought this was going to be good; I tried to enjoy it, I really did. Maybe it's because I'm not into trendy indie music, but if it involves bad gay stereotypes, unlikable, sarcastic heroes and germ ridden gross out jokes involving gum, then I'm staying far away. While Cera & Dennings have good chemistry, they've proven that they are better than this material. in far better movies.
6. Step Up 2 The Streets
Don't let the image of awesomeness fool you; this movie sucks. Yet, this one nearly qualifies as a guilty pleasure. It follows the same lovable tropes of the classically bad dance movies of the 80s and the dance sequences do seem very professional, but there is the seed of the problem. The film seems so smug with the people's ability to dance, it almost seems like they didn't need any sort of original plot or characters because their dancing skills will fill in the gaps of quality. That smug attitude puts the film over the line into Worst of the Year territory/.
5. The Day the Earth Stood Still
Let's take a talented and charming actor that has a huge box office draw and an attractive yet talented actress & let them breed. What do you get? The most annoying spawn of talented people ever put into a film since Kate Hudson. I am, of course, referring to the Jaden Smith, the main reason why this half ass-ed remake goes from "meh" to "bad" within the course of ten minutes, due to his extremely convincing performance of a selfish spoiled brat. With the exception of a funny exposition scene involving John Cleese, this film is full of horrible scenes, terrible performances by good actors and product placement as clear & striking as Keanu Reeves' soulless eyes.
4. The House Bunny
Here comes the shit! Many will argue in defense of this film that it is filled with many examples of hot such as Anna Faris, Kat Dennings and Emma Stone. While I agree, I'll also counter with the fact that I've seen porn films with more laughs than in this movie. To describe this film, I've prepared a recipe;
1/4 bad college campus comedy
1/4 bad Happy Madison Production
1/4 horrible message about being pretty & not being smart
1/4 tease of TNA
Bake for 94 minutes until fresh.
Ta da! You know have a terrible cross between Adam Sandler & Girl Power!
3. Beverly Hills Chihuaua
While this film didn't live up to the sheer spine stabbing terror of the trailer, it did live up to the standards of director Raja Gosnell (Scooby Doo
, Home Alone 3
) and his career as a shitty film intended for youths. Excluding the usual tropes of bad kids films that are here (poop jokes, simplistic plot, bad puns, lame ass main character), there's also the sheer plethora of bad Mexican stereotypes! Leave it to George Lopez to take the entire Mexican community down with his awful career.
2. The Happening
"Run, Zooey! It's the wind! THE WIND!!!!!"
In the world of horror films, people tend to run. Whether you're attempting to escape zombies, vampires or swamp thing, you'll usually find yourself putting one foot in front of the other. However, how can you possibly escape the all encompassing power of ...the wind?
Questions such as these are what plague two hit wonder M. Night Shamalamadingdong's latest failure. Watch in terror as the wind chases Marky Marky & his Funky Bunch of survivors, such a mannequin dressed up as Zooey Deschanel, that kid from The Cat in the Hat
whom is pondering his bad career choices and a Hispanic girl that displays Academy Award worthy acting chops when compared to the main leads! Watch in terror!
1. Prom Night
Fuck. This. Movie. This movie wouldn't normally be this high on the list, but it qualifies on a much more personal matter. The main character in this film is played by Britany Snow (The Pacifier
), whom is a native of my hometown, Tampa, Florida. Now, when this thing reached number 1 during a slow April earlier this year, everyone and their mother was talking about how great the film was and how truly proud they are that a Tampa resident could reach the number one spot in such a good movie. This elevates this film to a whole new level of bullshit. Not only is it a random shit stain amongst the underwear of horror remakes, but it's also a shit stain in the underwear of my home & native land! Fuck You, Prom Night