Welcome to Zombieland! Population: You! Well it would be nicer if it was just you but instead you’re also tossed into the company of four complete nincompoops.

(random thought: why does Emma Stone look like Mila Kunis on the bloody poster?


I am of course referring to the new Zombie comedy Zombieland, which brings in new elements to the Zombie genre that shine brighter then a Christmas ordainment and stink more then that fat kid’s turd! The movie beings by introducing us to our protagonist “Columbus” played by the latest Michael Cera clones Jesse Eisenberg




(star of the recent teen comedy/drama Adventureland). As the film develops we learn to like our main character as he gives us the simpliest of rules to surviving the zombie apocalypse. We learn that by living an anti-social life style it’s made it easier for Columbus to pull the trigger while most people stared at zombies with “what is that?!?!” expressions while also getting gorged at neck down. This helps the film succeed because despite being a comedy it never talks down to you. It gives you a list of rules but also treats you as a person who’d simply “get it” if a zombie apocalypse were to break out. Now this isn’t as heavy as I Am Legend, so following one person for comedies sake simply couldn’t work so we’re presented with 3 other survivors.



One being “Tallahassee” played by Woody Harrelson (most remembered for his role in White Men can’t jump with Wesley Sinpes). Tallahassee proceeds to be one of the most loveable angry characters one could ever hope from a comedy. A manly man with a big love of killing zombies and an intense goal of finding a twinke to enjoy, when asked the deal about this by Columbus Tallahassee simply replies “it’s the little things in life that we have left”. That quote can be used to describe Zombielands successes and utter failures. You see the film tends to spiral down once the other two characters are introduced. Wichita (played by Emma Stone from Superbad and The House Bunny)



and Little Rock played by Abigail Breslin (from Signs and Definitely, Maybe). The two ladies are veteran con artist from before the Zombie plague which somehow doesn’t stop them from being the most unlikable characters in the film due to the fact that they still feel the urge to lie and steal from our main characters. Now I’m no rocket scientist but I’m pretty sure after everyone around me has been eaten to death and made it their life goal to eat me, the LAST thing I’d want to do is steal from people who aren’t trying to make me their Sunday brunch. After being foiled by the ladies for a second time our two heroes decide to join up with them. If you couldn’t guess by their names they all have separate destinations which they use to describe who they are. Now this is where the film takes a tumble for the worst because despite being absolutely hilarious and shining with it’s on point witty writing we’re presented with times when we see our characters conversing instead of killing zombies. Now before that huge sigh you’re about to heave out keep in mind that the films beginning and end has enough zombie killing to even satisfy that big muscular guy in your class who can’t say his ABC’s correctly, but you come to learn that all the characters apart from



are downright unlikable. Let me paint you a picture: Columbus has a grand system of survival that is built upon common sense after common sense, in the films beginning you can’t help but smile at the fact that SOMEBODY would do such a thing rather then your normal shouting of “what’s going on?” or “what are they?”, but after meeting up with the other characters he simply starts relaxing, practically abandoning his code of survival just to show Wichita how laid back he can be! Now we’ve seen romances work in past zombie films (Shaun of the Dead and Dawn of the Dead as examples) but with this film it’s almost as though our characters FORGET that there in a zombie populated world, you know filled with creatures who wouldn’t think twice of killing you viciously. This also leads to a small tumble where we as viewers are presented with witty dialogue between our characters, basically people saying things they probably wouldn’t say with the impending doom of death lurking around the corner. But as stated before the film does try to be different in its presentation then past films, most of the jokes (such as the entire supermarket and mansion scenes) hit right on point and will have you kneeling over in laughter.



By the films conclusion you’ll be kicking your feet more then an 8 year old at the stupidity of Wichita and Little Rock, marveled (or disgusted) at the presentation of blood, vomit, and absolute gore, and thinking more then anything on how you’d want to buy Tallahassee a drink for being so damn cool. Also the film features one of the best cameos in the past decade (sorry Mike Tyson, looks like you’ll have to take second place for the Hangover). Overall I’d give this film a Matinee, go with your friends and have the rest of the day to talk about it, you’ll be happy you didn’t pay full-price because of 1. The characters are overall bland and unimaginative (just like bloody fucking zombies themselves)



and 2. Its downright impossible not to wonder why the film didn’t stick with the smart beginning it had rather then go for nothing but the jokes.