I apologize ahead of time if when you read my recap. It seems like I don’t know what the fuck is going on in Walking Dead. Well, that’s only because I don’t know what the fuck is going on in Walking Dead. That’s right, I have a confession to make; I haven’t kept up with the show. I know, I’m a horrible person and should have my brains eaten by zombies. In fact I’ve only seen four full episodes including this one. And this is the first episode I’ve seen from season two. And honestly I don’t even have a valid excuse for that considering season one is on Netflix; my window into television since I don’t have cable. That said, I’ll be going back and watching the previous episodes simultaneously while I catch up with the current season. What does that mean for you? It means that my recaps will become increasingly coherent... probably.

Just going to pick up a buddy from the bar, what could possibly go wrong?

This episode starts off on a somber note. Yes, I know that comes as a shock that a show about a zombie apocalypse wouldn’t be all lollipops and sunshine but bear with me. In previous episodes the band of survivors were looking for a woman, by the name of Annette. All the while she was actually locked in a barn full of Walkers. They were all being housed there because an old dude, Hershel Green, was keeping them alive in hopes of finding a cure to restore their lost humanity. It’s certainly a commendable idea. Unfortunately for him, his hopes and dreams are killed (literally) when Shane Walsh opens the barn door and the Walkers came spilling out. For their troubles the Walkers are met with a delectable lead salad. Unfortunately no one had the wherewithal to say, “Eat this!” So tragic.

nom nom nom

Nebraska, the title of the episode, begins right after they gun down the Walkers and excessively long crying ensues thereafter. That’s when the realization hits them that the girl they were looking for was in the barn the entire time and was already (un)dead. The blond chick, not Andrea, maybe Beth or something runs over to the now twice deceased woman, her mother Annette, and attempts to mourn her and cradle her in her arms. To Beth’s surprise, zombie Annette’s still got a bit of fight in her and she attempts to give Beth a nice kiss goodbye, only with her teeth. Then T-Dog does the only thing relevant he does for the entire episode and proceeds to curb stomp her. Then the blonde chick, who is Andrea, finishes her off with a scythe through the brain. I found her choice of weaponry to be very appropriate given the situation, I might add. There’s nothing like the harbinger of death to eviscerate the walking dead. Although I really doubt it’s going to do much for the grieving process.

And now the healing can begin...

After the dust settles, more crying ensues, followed by an uncomfortable silence. When words are finally spoken I can’t make out what anyone is saying because apparently I downloaded the most retarded version of this episode possible. It’s dubbed over in Spanish. Except it’s not actually dubbed; you know, where the audio is now Spanish and you can no longer hear the English. No, that’d make entirely too much sense; instead they simply put the Spanish audio over the English audio creating an inaudible mess. Goddamnit.

Well, now that I’ve found a good version I can continue with this recap. Anyway, everyone starts bitching about who knew what about whatever. Until it’s revealed that old man Hershel knew all along and he was aiding and harboring Walkers. Under the PATRIOT Ac,t he’d be sentenced to life in Gitmo, luckily he’ll only have to remain on house arrest at his ranch. Anyhow, there was a lot going on in this episode and many a beginning of some interesting plot threads.

I wish I could be relevant to this show

Dale confides in Lori that he suspects Shane of murdering Otis, whoever that is. And the plot just continues to thicken. Maggie confuses her love to Glenn and he’s very lame about it. Luckily, Beth takes a spill and gets him out of that awkward conversation. Daryl tells Olive Oil, I mean Lori to fuck off after she tries to get him to go find Rick and Glenn, who went off to fetch Hershel, who they need to tend to Beth after she collapsed. Damn that was a mouthful. Apparently, Daryl is salty about the whole Annette being a zombie thing after he went through hell trying to find her. Go figure. With no one to turn to, Lori takes it upon herself to bring back Rick and Glenn, because they totally weren’t coming back anyway.

nuff said

Lori, who picked the worst possible time to audition to become a demolition driver, flips her car and gets stranded in the middle of who knows where. I find it funny that she's always getting on Rick's ass for playing hero because she's worried that he'll get himself into trouble, yet at the first sign of trouble she does the same and ends up royally fucking herself.

Must have been a Toyota! ...you know, because no brakes.

There’s a scene where Andrea is hanging out in a truck bed full of Walkers with an amount of calm and poise I can’t imagine anyone having after zombie Annette tried to take a bite out of Beth. That takes a lot of guts, or is a lot of guts; I’m not even sure which one at this point. Not to mention, I can’t imagine how much that must have reeked. No thanks

The real meat of the episode happens once Rick and Glenn get to the bar where old man Hershel is attempting to find solace at the bottom of a bottle. Rick gives him a pep talk while Glenn stands around looking cool with a shotgun. Then came the guys from Philly; Dave and Tony. Personally, I think they really stole the show and made the episode that much more interesting. They voice their unhappiness about having to live in their cars and they want to become bff's with Rick and his crew. Well Rick, politely declined but they didn’t want to take no for answer. Tony didn’t exactly sweeten the pot when he started pissing on the floor. I mean would you really want that guy around when he can’t even follow the first rule of survival: Don’t shit where you eat. Granted he was pissing, not shitting, and they were drinking and not eating, but the basic principal reigns through.

Dave seems like the kind of guy, who if you met him at a party, you’d find him charming until after he tossed back a couple of cold ones and you saw the kind of asshole he really is. Conversely, Tony would be the guy who arrives at the party already drunk and starts hitting on your girlfriend. In other words, he’s a Grade A asshole.

Which is why it comes as no surprise when Tony prematurely flips his shit and threatens to shot everyone in the head, Dave excluded of course. Dave tries to mediate that situation, but he makes it clear that he’s not taking no for an answer and even though he’s not as overt as Tony, he implies that he’s willing to do the same to accomplish his ends.

This isn't going to end well for me, is it?

Dave and Tony strategically position themselves around Rick; Dave stands behind the bar in front of Rick, facing him while Tony stands behind Rick brandishing a shotgun. Then Rick, with gun slinging skills that would make John Marston blush, takes out Dave when he tries to draw his gun and takes out Tony as well. I can only assume he shot Tony because Tony is a piece of shit and needed to be shot anyway. I mean seriously, did he really have to pee right on the ground like that?! Prior to busting caps in their asses, Rick mused that they should go to Nebraska. Hindsight’s 20/20 suckas!

No one pees in my Corn Flakes!

The final scene, quite appropriately, was the moment I was waiting for the entire episode and it definitely delivered. Rick showed definitively why he’s the leader, not just because he was able ice those two assholes with no problem but he was also able to convince Hershel that he can’t just sit around feeling sorry for himself because there are people that need him. Simply, Epic.

- The “T-Virus infested” Prometheus

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