If it's crap ... We'll tell you
Yeah, I know, it's way late but here it is anyway! Enjoy!
Spoiler Alert. Spoiler Alert! #Spoiler Alert – You’ve been warned, spoilers lie ahead, so don’t come crying to me because I don’t want to hear it.
Judge, Jury, Executioner marks the beginning of the end of civilization as we know it. Dramatic much? Well, that's certainly how Dale felt as he attempts to convince the group to preserve their humanity and not execute Randall. Ah yes, Randall. Randall's really been the gift that keeps on giving ever since Rick, Hershel, and Glenn rescued him back in Nebraska. It's become painfully obvious that he wasn't worth the trouble and they should have left his dumb ass impaled on that gate spike.
We begin this episode with Daryl looking like he's gotten his mojo back, as he performs some enhanced integration techniques on Randall. Daryl extracts some information from Randall using nothing but his charm and a very sharp knife. Jack Bauer would be proud. After threatening to re-open Randall's wound and a couple punches to the face for reassurance, Randall reluctantly spills the beans about his group rolling 30 deep; armed with automatic weapons. Sounds like Randall either teamed up with a militia or he walked onto the set of a bad gangsta rap music video. For whatever reason, Randall reveals to Daryl that his ever so harmless group, has gang raped a couple of girls. An activity which he of course took no part in. I mentioned in my previous recap that Randall needs to learn to keep his mouth shut. Obviously, he has no inkling of self-preservation. No, he's far too content with digging a bigger hole for himself. Needless to say, Daryl didn’t take too kindly to that story and gives Randall a taste of his leather boots to express his distaste. I really wouldn't be surprised if Daryl was just stomping the shit out of Randall simply on principle.
Daryl reports back to the group as they sit around the camp fire roasting marshmallows. I can't imagine that they'd be able to find a suitable ghost story to tell, given their current situation. Anyhow, the general consensus among the group is that Randall’s a threat and killing him seems like the only sensible thing to do. Nobody really seems to think otherwise or at least no one has the balls to speak up about it, that is except for Dale. Dale flips out over their rash decision to condemn Randall to death. He manages to convince Rick to let him talk to the rest of the group and try to sway them to his side. Rick gives Dale til sunrise to convert the faithful so Dale sets off on a journey attempting to convince the group to side with him and spare Randall's life. Good luck with that buddy.
Dale first attempts to court Andrea. He asks her to watch Randall for him and she's blows him off. No, not like that. He reminds her that she used to be a civil rights lawyer and she reminds him that, yeah, she used to be. Dale argues that despite the way the world has changed they can still be civil and it's their choice to keep their humanity. Andrea points out that she disagrees with him but she’s not going to be a bitch about it, and eventually agrees to watch Randall for him.
Shane, being Shane, arrives at the barn where Randall is being kept only to find Andrea standing guard. He tells Andrea that she can't pussy out like the rest of the group. The conversation quickly evolves into a discussion about mutiny and superseding Rick. Shane makes it clear that he doesn't want to seize leadership out of malice. He's tired of sleeping with one eye open because the rest of the group is limp-wristed and foolish.
From inside the barn, Randall is watching the discussion transpire but unbeknownst to him, Carl is watching him watch them. And Carl looks creepy as shit. Child actors are already creepy as it is, but Carl watching silently, surrounded in the darkness, is on a whole ‘nother level. Randall starts trying to sweet talk Carl into setting him free with talk of a surprise van full of candy. Before Carl can even decide whether or not to satisfy his sweet tooth, Shane busts into the room looking mighty pissed off. He tells Carl to get out and then politely tries to convince Randall to open wide so that he can gently place his gun in his mouth. If I had a dollar for every time I've been in a similar situation... Andrea manages to prevent Shane from painting the barn walls with Randall's brains. Shane scolds Carl and reminds him not to talk to strangers; regardless of how much candy they've promised.
Next on Dale's list is to preach his gospel to Daryl. He walks up on Daryl while he's in the middle of feltching... or fletching, one of the two. I'm always getting them confused. Daryl tells Dale that he's apathetic towards Randall’s life and that the group's "broken". Then Daryl walks off looking all bad ass.
Carol walks up to Carl while he's hanging out in their graveyard, I guess that's where the cool kids are "chillin' at" nowadays. Carol mentions something about her daughter Sophia being up in Heaven now and Carl tells her that there's no heaven and that she was an idiot for believing in it. Burn! Carol storms off and immediately goes and taddles on Carl to Rick and Lori, who were conveniently walking by. She tells them that they need to straighten that boy out because he’s kind of an asshole. Must be taking after Shane, amiright?
Rick confronts Carl and tells him that he needs to learn to keep his mouth shut and use that sponge between his ears. Carl ignores Rick's suggestion and decides to sass Rick instead. I think an open hand slap to the mouth would have been appropriate here but Rick takes the high road. Carl changes the subject to Rick executing Randall. Rick doesn't exactly have a rebuttal so he just reiterates that Carl needs to apologize to Carol and for some reason he believes that Carl is actually going to go do that.
Hershel is next in line for Dale to try to sweet talk. Hershel tells Dale that's he's not interested one way or another and he’d rather bury his head in the sand instead. Hershel says he's content with leaving the decision in Rick’s hands. Hershel may as well have just stuck his fingers in his ears and said, "La la la, I'm not listening".
And Carl's rampage of mischief continues. Carl decides it's a good idea to steal Daryl’s gun. No big deal right? I mean, who needs a gun? It's not like there are flesh-eating undead cannibals lurking around, oh wait! Locked and loaded, Carl wanders off into the forest where he comes across a walker who’s trapped in the mud. Then, like any rational kid, he starts throwing rocks at it. That is, until it breaks free of its mud shackles and goes after Carl. Carl draws his gun just like daddy would but, unlike Rick he drops it and runs off like a little pussy. He regroups with everyone at the ranch and apparently nobody has even noticed that he was ever gone. And the award for parent's of the year go to... Someone tells Carl to stay with some guy named Jimmy while they discuss grown folks business. Wait. Who the hell is Jimmy?
Lastly, Dale attempts to change Shane’s mind. I know, I know but let's give peace a chance. Maybe Dale's words will touch Shane's heart. Dale argues that killing Randall will change who they are as human beings. While Shane is woefully unconvinced, he is however, impressed with Dale’s courage. So much so that he concedes that if Dale can manage to convince the group to spare Randal’s life, he won't say otherwise. Shane makes sure to tell Dale that he’s obviously wrong and if/when Randall does something, the blood will be on his hands. Maybe Dale's time would have been better invested in trying to convince T-dog? I didn't think so either, lulz!
Glenn has a man-to-man talk with Hershel about wanting to plow his daughter, Beth. Hershel says something about immigrants building this country in a desperate attempt to find a connection between them. Hershel offers Glenn his pocket watch which has been in their family for a long time, or something like that. Regardless, it symbolizes that Glenn now has his blessing to make Beth his baby mama.
Everyone, minus Carl and Jimmy, whoever the fuck that guy is, gather to have one last debate over Randall's fate. Dale quickly realizes that he stands all alone in wanting to spare Randall's life. Oh, except for Glenn. No sorry, false alarm. Glenn corrects Dale and let's him know that he does in fact stand alone. Then Beth chimes in and backs up Dale only to have everyone shoot down her argument. Dale warns the group that if they kill Randall, they'll be killing the rule of law along with him. Shane unsurprisingly rolls his eyes. T-dog's line of the episode is asking what they’ll do with the body. Dale tries to appeal to their humanity but he'd have had more success trying to herd cats. Rick opens the floor for everyone, giving the group one final chance to speak and…
Dale makes one last plea to appeal to their humanity and once again no one really gives a shit. Dale cautions that they'll be embarking on a "new world" that'll be the survival of the fittest, Darwin’s wet dream. Dale remarks that that’s a world he doesn’t want to live in; famous last words. Andrea finally decides to chime in that they really do need to come up with an alternative solution. And more crickets...
Dale then gets all salty and facetiously asks if they’re planning to watch and then he calls them all pussies. As he makes his exit he acknowledges to Daryl that the group is indeed "broken".
And it’s off to the shooting range. Rick asks Randall if he’d like to stand or kneel. Daryl chooses for him, "kneel." Rick asks Randall if he has any final words. Randall, being the uncreative kid that he is, replies“Please, don’t!” Really? He’s been sitting around for how long? And that’s the best he can come up with? Rick draws his bad ass hand cannon and prepares to put Randall out of our misery. Oops, I mean put Randall out of his misery. The execution gets put on hold once Rick finds Carl watching and cheering him on. Awkward. Rick, being the semi-decent parent that he is, decides that he doesn't want his son to see daddy blow a guy's brains out and calls off the execution altogether. That and Carl kind of ruined the mood. Shane storms out of the barn like someone just cockblocked him from getting into bed with the hottest girl at the party. Poor guy.
Rick explains to the group that they're going to keep Randall in custody instead of blowing his head off. Looks like Randall lucked out. Rick explains to Lori that Carl followed them into the barn (imagine that!) and wanted to watch. So much for parental supervision. Seriously, does anyone even watch this kid, ever?
Dale, suddenly remembering why he never made the high school debate team, decides that the middle of the night is an excellent time to take a walk all by his lonesome. Dale finds a dying deer crying out in pain, due to its stomach being ripped open and its guts hanging out. Dale looks at it curiously before doing an about-face only to find Carl’s pet walker there to greet him. The walker tackles Dale to the ground then starts trying to take a closer look into Dale's rib cage. The group hears Dale's screams for help, more so his screaming in general, and rush to his aid. But they’re too late, and the walker rips open Dale’s stomach. Absolutely gruesome. I'm curious though, how would being a decomposing walking corpse grant you such unhuman strength? Who knows. Not a moment too late, Daryl tackles the walker and sends it to the after afterlife. Dale is unable to speak, he can only make noises and look up at the group with fear and shock in his eyes. Hershel assesses Dale's condition and determines that there's no cure for being savagely pulled apart. So the group just kinda stands around watching Dale anguish in pain. Carl realizes that it's the same walker that he was playing catch with, then runs to his mommy and cries.
Rick decides that he's tired of looking at Dale make funny faces so he volunteers to put Dale out of his misery. Dale glares at the group with a look that says, "Fuck you, assholes!" Daryl decides that he's a better choice to play the role of Dr. Kevorkian and ushers Rick aside. Dale can only look up with horror as Daryl puts a bullet in his head. Sorry brah!
With Dale, the group's moral compass, now being the newest addition to their graveyard we can now so safely assume that things can only get better, right? I mean, with the next episode being called "Better Angels" I'm sure there's no way things could possibly get any worse. Right?
- The "Reanimated" Prometheus