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VLOG 6/19/10: Jonah Hex review
Fun fact: There were only seven other people in the theater besides me, and all in their fifties at least. I'm not even sure what that says.
NOTE: The first few minutes of this have nothing to do with the movie, just some ranting about my latest move, so start at about 2:35 if you want to skip all that.
As you can probably tell, the shear suckitude of this movie left me pretty discombobulated so I left a few things out or unsaid. I don't think I emphasized heavily enough how colossally incoherent & confusing the editing here is. Those who have seen Neveldine/Taylor's films know they favor a hyper-kinetic style of editing. There is a right way to do this, like in their Crank films, and a wrong way. Jonah Hex is a fine example of a third option, known as the fucking wrong way. Apparently Neveldine/Taylor were originally slated to direct but for reasons completely unknown to me were replaced by a guy who's never directed action in his life. Apparently he made the ill-advised attempt to replicate Neveldine/Taylor's style...and failed as utterly as one can fail. I already mentioned the final fight, but there's another good example where Hex is interrogating someone at the aforementioned underground fighting arena. The match is between some thug and this mutant snake/man thing that drinks rattlesnake venom and spits it on his victims. This fight has nothing to do with, well, anything, but the director keeps interrupting the conversation to cut back to it. The most relevance it has is that Hex disposes of the guy by throwing him into the arena.
Another thing I found rather offensive is this one scene were they feel the need to clarify that Jonah Hex never supported slavery, even though it has nothing to do with the conversation. I guess they thought everyone would assume that just because he fought for the south he supported slavery. Hey, you know who else opposed slavery? ROBERT E. FUCKING LEE!!! The Civil War wasn't just about slavery, there were many issues involving State's rights that were at stake! Just because he fought for the Confederates doesn't mean the audience is automatically going to assume he must be a racist, slave owning Klansman! Give your audience some credit for thinking, you ignorant shitheads!
For those comic book purists out there, I'd like to emphasize that I have no problem with taking creative liberties with characters if they work. Some characters have backstories far too complicated to work within a film structure, and arguably Jonah Hex is one of them. I'd also like to say to my fellow Western fans that I also have nothing against introducing supernatural or science fiction elements into a Western setting. I'm actually a big fan of Weird West stories, and Jonah Hex himself has fought against zombies, ghosts, Cthulhu, and even been flung into a post-apocalyptic future to battle robots. In fact, the original script was about fighting zombies and if they'd stuck with that and let Neveldine/Taylor direct, they'd probably have a much better movie.
Comment
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Comment by Don Panini on September 4, 2010 at 6:09pm -
Your chunky little arms fill me with gooie happiness. You remind me of Santarelli, in the best way posible.
About the movie: You´re right, it was a sloopy mess.
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Comment by Guian manalo on June 26, 2010 at 9:27pm -
The cast is pretty wasted by the story telling of this movie...i dont think megan fox is a great pick for the part but it is a good examle she's a whore. so i guess its a rental!
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Comment by Joshua the Anarchist on June 25, 2010 at 7:46pm -
@Darth Corey
Again you mention Lincoln. At what point in this review or any of my previous comments did I make even the slightest mention of Lincoln or Emancipation for that matter? Try and at least stay on topic with your rants.
Furthermore, I don't give a flying fuck about your education, nor did I question it. Nor did I at any point call you a racist, or anything else for that matter. Saying your comment was ignorant does not mean that you yourself are, simply that you could've thought that statement through better.
And do not even begin to suggest that I am disrespecting your ancestors or imply that I am somehow denying the atrocities committed by the South during the slave era or even in the years since then. At no point did I deny that slavery was a major part of the Southern economy or the Civil War. I simply pointed out that the issues surrounding succession did in fact go beyond that, and that it is unfair to make gross generalizations & assume everyone who fought with the Confederacy agreed with ALL their policies.
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Comment by Darth Corey on June 24, 2010 at 1:41pm -
I am african american but NOT a racist. I'm a devout evolutionist and I think race are shallow divisions that stop the progress of the human race. I'm just proud of my heritage and hate when people give hagiographies of Robert E. Lee. Every culture has to accept the mistakes of its forefathers.
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Comment by Darth Corey on June 24, 2010 at 1:33pm
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@ Joshua and Cinema Dr. AJ
I know Civil War was NOT ALL about slavery [I just took a history class even tho I'm pre med (at a lame school I'm tranfering away from (but the book was legit and printed in new york)] but CSA government at the time was mainly concerned with slavery because it was there main source of income. Independence and Tarriffs were a side issue.
I graduated from a good school but before I went there I went to a racist high school here in mississippi (im from texas,which is not quite as bad as mississippi). I had a mississippi studies teacher that was a sons of the confedecy member and would be total racist if he get away with. His classroom walls were littered with rebel flags and conserative slogans also he had a photo of a black man in CSA uniform (like a brain washed chimp). He feed me and the class bullshit about how the Civil War was not about slavery and that all the CSA soliders were southern gentlemen. This just is not true. The main reason for the was indenpence from the union and keeping slavery. I don't mean to disrepect your ancestors but dont disrepect mine. Your ancestor might have been a liberal but the CSA used his loyalty for fighting for their evil. Lincoln did not want to end slavery for the right reasons but at least he did.
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Comment by Cinema Dr. AJ on June 22, 2010 at 4:40pm -
Darth Corey- Playing the race card is outdated, kid. You're black and offended at the civil war? -_- wow.
Go read a history book- the Civil War was not entirely about slavery. At all. My great great grandfather died at Gettysburg in the Georgia 7th infantry and he didn't own a single slave his entire life. Do you know what a tarrif is? Do you know why non-slave owners fought in the war? If it was entirely about slavery, why would southerners like my relative have fought, who opposed slavery? Damn logic is hard.
On topic- great review =D
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Comment by Joshua the Anarchist on June 21, 2010 at 7:09pm
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@Darth Corey
I never said it wasn't about slavery. What I said was that slavery was not the ONLY issue over which the Civil
War was fought. It is ignorant and simple-minded to assume that anyone fighting on the side of the Confederacy must have been in support of slavery. The all-encompassing issue of the Civil War was State's rights, and the right to own slaves was not the only thing they were fighting for. Robert E. Lee fought for the Confederacy out of loyalty to his home state, and because he believed in individual states' right to govern themselves without interference from the Union.
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Comment by Darth Corey on June 21, 2010 at 5:58pm
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Oh shit dude I disagree because besides tariffs THE CIVIL WAR WAS ABOUT SLAVERY(I'm black and the fact you say it was not is insulting). It was big business for the south, and the audience would be right to assume a ex confederate would support slavery. The south tries to portray Lee as a liberal god but he wasn't, he betrayed his country (West point educates him then he turns his back on america to defend slavery?). Lee viewed slaver as a acceptable evil. Also Abe Lincoln wanted to end slavery to free up jobs for whites but NOT because you know IT"S FUCKING wrong!
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Comment by Darth Corey on June 19, 2010 at 6:01pm
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Great review, Josh. This seems awful. Megan Fox is faker than a barbie doll, dat beetch!
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Comment by Toe Knee Bee Ears on June 19, 2010 at 3:31pm
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I can't believe you even saw this movie after the way you reacted to the trailer. As you know, I also hated the trailer. I agree with you. How can the horse carry him and 2 gatling guns at the same time ? This movie seem very cartoony. Did the canon say Acme on the side ? Perhaps the man who supplied his weapons is named Smith because he is a gunsmith. I agree that it is possible to mix the western and sci-fi genres together successfully. Have you seen The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. ? I loved that series. Bruce Campbell is amazing in it as always.
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