If it's crap... We'll tell you
Transformers: ROTF, LOL Review/Rant
Before you read this, you should know that there are some spoilers...... but it doesn't matter, cause this fucking movie sucks.....
Transformers is back, and the word is out. I mean, there's not much I can say that hasn't already been said. This is one of the worst films I've ever seen. It's cinema abortion. And that's something I never thought I would say considering how much I enjoyed the first one. Not to mention how many freaking times I watched the trailer for this one on Youtube, and how many times I listen to that catchy ass song Linkin Park put out, and how many sleepless nights I had leading up to its release and the fact that the 12:01 IMAX feature at my local theater was sold out so i had to wait for the 3:30am screening. It almost hurts thinking about how bad this was considering the chunk of life I wasted.
I don't really understand why (with the exception of Carlyle) the Spill crew gave the first Transformers movie such a hard time. I thought there was just enough story to care about what was going on, the jokes might not have been comedy gold but they produced a few chuckles and they weren't ABSOLUTE FUCKING TORTURE, and it didn't drag. The same can definitely not be said for ROTF.
My 3 Biggest problems with this movie:
1. THE ABSOLUTE BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH THIS "FILM" was the sense of "humor". From the start they introduce these "The Twins" that everyone knows about by now that are pretty much the death of the movie. Even though they weren't offensive to me personally(but I definitely see how they can be to most), they were just so annoying and soo out of place that it would make just as much sense to have Jar Jar Binks running around with Shia LeBoufe and Megan Fox and there would have been just as much what-the-fuckery. On top of that, there's lots of gratuitous cursing for comedic effect that's not funny, an annoying roommate that's not funny, John Turturro's ass, A FUCKING ROBOT THAT HUMPS MEGAN FOX'S LEG......sigh I think I'm done with this part.
2. THERE IS NO STORY. It's so mind boggling to me at how bad it is. Whoever wrote this was apparently to high on drugs to sit down and write a whole draft of the script before they started shooting because everything just feels made up as they went along. Somehow there's still a piece of the cube left, then you find out there's another piece of the cube left, then they revive Megatron, then he flies to some unknown planet and talks to THE ALL MIGHTY "FALLEN" WHO'S IN THE MOVIE FOR ABOUT 10 MINUTES AND GETS HIS ASS WHOOPED WHICH MAKES ME QUESTION WHY THE FUCK HE'S IN HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. (Just thinking about this makes me upset as you can see). I know there are people thinking "Come on Man! Its about Giant robots fighting!" but I find that statement invalid when you have to sit through an hour and a half of bullshit rambling and torture comedy to get to what was suppose to be a badass action scene that is kinda cool (especially in IMAX) but by that point you don't give a damn about anybody in the movie. And after that scene you still have another hour to sit through.
3. There's just too much. I wasn't convinced that too much was a bad thing after seeing Spider-Man. I wasn't even convinced after Pirates 3(meh. whole 'nother discussion). And after Watchmen I actually thought a lot equals greatness. But this movie is proof that you don't need so much going on for it to be epic. This movie suffered from the "Wolverine syndrome" where they introduce a shitload of people that they don't develop so you end up questioning why they are even here. And even in the thin plot they still introduce all these elements that don't add up and you just want it to end. soon I saw a fucking Decepticon turn into a human about an hour in, I was done after that.
I dunno if I saw the same movie as all idiots on other sites saying how great it was but they could have just took an IMAX camera and filmed Michael Bay taking a shit for 2 and half hours and you would have gotten the same thing I saw on screen that morning. Overall, it just lifeless boring bullshit with no redeeming qualities. And it's just terrible film making when fail to make Transformers exciting or at the very least interesting.
My Most Anticipated Movie of the Year gets a:
How do you like that explosion Michael Bay.....
Transformers is back, and the word is out. I mean, there's not much I can say that hasn't already been said. This is one of the worst films I've ever seen. It's cinema abortion. And that's something I never thought I would say considering how much I enjoyed the first one. Not to mention how many freaking times I watched the trailer for this one on Youtube, and how many times I listen to that catchy ass song Linkin Park put out, and how many sleepless nights I had leading up to its release and the fact that the 12:01 IMAX feature at my local theater was sold out so i had to wait for the 3:30am screening. It almost hurts thinking about how bad this was considering the chunk of life I wasted.
I don't really understand why (with the exception of Carlyle) the Spill crew gave the first Transformers movie such a hard time. I thought there was just enough story to care about what was going on, the jokes might not have been comedy gold but they produced a few chuckles and they weren't ABSOLUTE FUCKING TORTURE, and it didn't drag. The same can definitely not be said for ROTF.
My 3 Biggest problems with this movie:
1. THE ABSOLUTE BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH THIS "FILM" was the sense of "humor". From the start they introduce these "The Twins" that everyone knows about by now that are pretty much the death of the movie. Even though they weren't offensive to me personally(but I definitely see how they can be to most), they were just so annoying and soo out of place that it would make just as much sense to have Jar Jar Binks running around with Shia LeBoufe and Megan Fox and there would have been just as much what-the-fuckery. On top of that, there's lots of gratuitous cursing for comedic effect that's not funny, an annoying roommate that's not funny, John Turturro's ass, A FUCKING ROBOT THAT HUMPS MEGAN FOX'S LEG......sigh I think I'm done with this part.
2. THERE IS NO STORY. It's so mind boggling to me at how bad it is. Whoever wrote this was apparently to high on drugs to sit down and write a whole draft of the script before they started shooting because everything just feels made up as they went along. Somehow there's still a piece of the cube left, then you find out there's another piece of the cube left, then they revive Megatron, then he flies to some unknown planet and talks to THE ALL MIGHTY "FALLEN" WHO'S IN THE MOVIE FOR ABOUT 10 MINUTES AND GETS HIS ASS WHOOPED WHICH MAKES ME QUESTION WHY THE FUCK HE'S IN HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. (Just thinking about this makes me upset as you can see). I know there are people thinking "Come on Man! Its about Giant robots fighting!" but I find that statement invalid when you have to sit through an hour and a half of bullshit rambling and torture comedy to get to what was suppose to be a badass action scene that is kinda cool (especially in IMAX) but by that point you don't give a damn about anybody in the movie. And after that scene you still have another hour to sit through.
3. There's just too much. I wasn't convinced that too much was a bad thing after seeing Spider-Man. I wasn't even convinced after Pirates 3(meh. whole 'nother discussion). And after Watchmen I actually thought a lot equals greatness. But this movie is proof that you don't need so much going on for it to be epic. This movie suffered from the "Wolverine syndrome" where they introduce a shitload of people that they don't develop so you end up questioning why they are even here. And even in the thin plot they still introduce all these elements that don't add up and you just want it to end. soon I saw a fucking Decepticon turn into a human about an hour in, I was done after that.
I dunno if I saw the same movie as all idiots on other sites saying how great it was but they could have just took an IMAX camera and filmed Michael Bay taking a shit for 2 and half hours and you would have gotten the same thing I saw on screen that morning. Overall, it just lifeless boring bullshit with no redeeming qualities. And it's just terrible film making when fail to make Transformers exciting or at the very least interesting.
My Most Anticipated Movie of the Year gets a:
How do you like that explosion Michael Bay.....
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