I've never seen the G.I. Joe cartoon or colelcted the toys because I am a 90's child. However, I am aware of the characters and that the show exists and has a big following just like Transformers. So I came into the midnight screening of G.I. Joe with the mindset of a summer movie directed by Stephen Sommers starring Channing Tatum and Dennis Quaid. So it is time to break down this movie to know if its worth your time and knowing is half the battle...

GGGGGG.IIIIIIIIIIIII. JJJJJJJJJJJOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry)

Plot

Duke and Ripcord are two soldiers that are transporting a lethal and destructive weapon that are like little robots that eat anything and can destroy major cities in minutes. They get attacked by the evil M.A.R.S corporation led by McCullen who is a corrupt arms dealer who include people like Storm Shadow and the Baroness who was involved with Duke in the past. Duke and Ripcord are later saved by an elite group of super soldiers called G.I. Joe led by General Hawk who secretly has the special team underneath Egypt. They both join G.I. Joe and join forces to defeat the evil McCullen and "The Doctor aka Cobra.

Review

I came in with the mindset of a huge, loud, and dumb summer action movie but instead I get a deep and moving action drama. Just joking, this is one of the DUMBEST movies I've seen this year but it was still stupidly entertaining. Deep Rising is one of my favorite Stephen Sommers movie so I expected some fun banter between the soldiers just like DR. The movie was a typical summer action film with bad acting, bad dialogue, big chase scenes, and sword battles and it goes with its own messed up logic. The acting ranged from adequate to holy fuck why for me. Channing Tatum was stiff as a board through most of the movie and it seemed he sorta mumbled his words when he said something without that much emotion in his face. Marlon Wayans wasn't as annoying as I feared in the beginning even though he still acted like the comic relief guy. Dennis Quaid hammed it up so perfectly that I started laughing all the way through the movie. Props to the casting director for getting Rachel Nichols dye her hair red for the role of Scarlett and wear tight suits....wow she is gorgeous. Sienna Miller did an ok job even though she kinda got on my nerves what with the numerous jumping around for both sides. But how was Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander? At first I laughed because of the over the top way he walked and talked but later I fell into his character and figured he's just a crazy deformed guy who wants world domination. The best characters though were Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow because they stood from the rest of the cast who just went through the motions and were actually badass and had GASP! some character development through cheesy flashbacks. The CGI was terrible through most of the movie with the exception of the Paris chase sequence and the destruction of the Eiffel Tower which was really fun. i especially liked when Snake Eyes was on top of the car the villains were in Paris and cars just flew around out of nowhere. However, most of the effects from the ships, helicopters, and landscapes looked like the demo for a G.I. Joe video game. The camerawork kinda had the jump editing shit but it wasn't as headache inducing as Transformers 2 was. In conclusion, the movie was basically like a cartoon with good guys trying to stop the bad guys and it is dumb, loud, and just a way to spend some time watching an entertaining but dumb action movie but there is no need to see it at the theater.

Awesome!
Paris action scene, Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow, Rachel Nichols, COOOOOBBRRRRAAAAA!!!

Why the hell is this here?
Channing Tatum, special effects, lame humor, logic gaps, why do soldiers in movies don't shave? They have to in real life, knew the so called secret reveal

Better than: Transformers 2, The Mummy
Not as good as: Deep Rising, Team America

Rating: High Rental