If it's crap ... We'll tell you
Hello, MAK aka The Hybrid here and for the last three weeks aside with coming up with ideas for Anime Discovery and new topics for (Hy)Lights, I haven’t wrote any film reviews (which might be less around next year or the coming weeks ahead) or anything film related in a while with schoolwork in the way plus my internet has been down around that period but fortunately, I’m back and I wanted to talk about something that no one should be stranger to and that is guilty pleasure movies.
Yes, I’m sure that anyone must have a bad movie that they like despite their utter lack of a convincing story, performances from the cast and the sheer foolishness shown in there and most of us are either ashamed to admit it but some just lay it out there. I could be one of the former but I’m about to become the latter but what movies do I secretly watch but others hate? Clearly, in today’s world, many things in media are subjective towards anyone that isn’t a professional movie critic. For example, people can call The Amazing Spider-Man a lackluster movie with wasted potential that has an unlikable portrayal of the new Spider-Man that makes the previous Spider-Man movies look better in comparison while in Rotten Tomatoes, its rated fresh at 75%. I don’t know if these movies I listed count as guilty pleasures but fuck it, here goes.
THESE ARE THE HYBRID’S TOP 10 GUILTY PLEASURE MOVIES!!
10. JOHN CARPENTER’S GHOSTS OF MARS
I am not familiar with most of the works from John Carpenter, aside from Escape from New York, Assault on Precinct 13 and Halloween, and seeing this in 2002 on Cinemax, I really thought this was a good movie but as the years grow and I aged, there are some very massive problems with this movie, such as the suspense factor has completely vanished since you know from the beginning that only one came back during the prison, rendering some of the scenes pointless and the fights are not really choreographed that well. I may be a fan of Ice Cube and most of his movies, but the guy isn’t a bona fide action star and there is the fact that Jason Statham, who’s also in the movie, originally was going to be Desolation Williams but eventually Cube got the role. However, the corniness factor, the driving heavy metal music, and some of the awful performances are what made me like this movie. It’s a no cohesive movie but it was a lot of fun and while I notice the plot is sort of like Assault on Precinct 13, it’s more watchable than the 2005 remake with Ethan Hawke and Laurence Fishburne.
9. BAD BOYS II
I don’t know what makes this a bad movie, even though it’s directed by everyone’s favorite film nemesis Michael Bay and his films lately or anything he’s involved in are pointless stories with bland, personality-stricken characters and lots of explosions following that. Okay, Bad Boys II has the latter but Martin Lawrence and Will Smith practically made this and the first movie enjoyable because if it would’ve been some other actors, this could have turn for the worst. Also the humor could be similar to the Transformers movies but at least we can say that humor is appropriate for this movie than Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Truly, this movie is the basic definition of an R-Rated summer action movie in my opinion.
Okay, the next 2 movies on my list are both the original movie and the sequel to that movie, mainly due to the fact that they are the same traits that I’ve enjoyed but should be ashamed at.
8. CHARLIE’S ANGELS
7. CHARLIE’S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE
Yep, I will admit I liked these movies and they are just eye candy movies, meaning I didn’t watch it for the plot and character development and you ought to know from the clips of both movies that it’s fan service for those who like girls that can kick ass but look like a stripper while doing that but is there anything wrong with that? Well, it does depend on the content but I’m sure the consensus is leaning towards “no” and I would excuse to due to my very obvious crush on Lucy Liu and why I like her as a kick-ass woman (Kill Bill, The Man with the Iron Fists & Afro Samurai: Resurrection) but sometimes it can backfire on her (Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever). Some of the humor has their moments of chuckling but the dance scenes are always very corny in my opinion (Why do people think dancing is funny…..or entertaining?) So, all in all, I pretty much enjoy this movie even though I really, really, really shouldn’t.
Did this movie have potential in the first place since it was known to be a Fast and the Furious clone but with motorcycles? Although Biker Boyz was released first but this was a legitimate rip-off since the producers of the aforementioned movie series along with xXx and S.W.A.T. and having Ice Cube as part of the main attraction and a hot new director that could make him a success. Too bad that movie was released in the dead of January, where most theatrical releases go to die and this movie did died with the chances of the director Joseph Kahn not doing another gig until Detention. The plot was simple and lax but the acting is horrible all around and like I said about Cube before, I don’t buy him as a badass but most of the “fuck your physics” scenes are pretty unintentionally funny and some good moments including somebody knocking out Dane Cook……oh wait, Dane Cook was in this….. That’s clearly not a good thing, and also I have to do a double take anytime I figured out Adam Scott (from Parks & Recreation & Party Down) is in this movie and so is the guy that played Crabman in My Name Is Earl. Weird, isn’t it?
5. GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE
Okay, I did a review of this movie earlier this year and I give it “Some ‘ol bullshit”, but even though the movie was kind of bad, I still enjoyed it better than the first movie and at least the Ghost Rider appeared to be more badass and threatening although the fire piss put me off at first but the problems of this is the performances of the woman and her kid. They are the worst actors of that bunch and clearly they dragged the movie down. Idris Elba looked like he was having fun, especially drinking a lot of wine. I think you have to be while in this movie and for the directors Neveldine/Taylor, the duo behind the Crank movies, their style was pretty chaotic and wild and that’s what I liked about them but I wish they would have written the script. At least I would fully enjoyed it without feeling weird about it but no, thanks to the writing team including one dumbass writer by the name of David S. Goyer, this movie was known to be worse than the first one but I’ll say the opposite of that, but not by that much.
4. STREET FIGHTER (1994 Version)
Yes, I like this movie and compare it to that bullshit Chun-Li movie released in 2009, you realize this movie is Lord of the Rings compared to that one. I get that this movie isn’t exactly the best thing put out and this will turn off gamers and fans of the videogame series but to casual viewers like me, it gets a little stupid and campy but it give me a few laughs even though it isn’t intended as a comedy but if you wanted a darker version of that, guess what? That other movie tried to be one and it failed….HARD!!! In short, the Street Fighter name will never be perfected into the big screen and the two movies proved that but as least we can say, the 1994 movie was enjoyable.
3. DEATH RACE
Oh my damn, I actually like a movie directed by Paul W.S. Anderson aka the guy that abuses slow motion so much, even Zack Snyder would think that shit was too much, make the fans of a beloved videogame franchise curses his name and always put his wife on front and center for her to slow off and make love to the camera……or him that is. But, when watching the movie and now that I never seen the original movie, I was completely thinking that this might as well be the movie adaptation of Twisted Metal and that’s not an insult. I love that game and its pure insane levels going high on that and it perfectly fits on this movie with fast cars, blood and gore, and nonsensical plotlines make it even more to enjoyable. Plus, it’s about time Jason Statham is doing something other than another Transporter sequel or rip-off.
2. STEP BROTHERS
I know that the Spill crew did not favor this movie positively and most people on the site are either split of liking it and hating it. Even Hector, the very friendly kind-hearted member of Spill.com hates this movie but as for me I really did like this movie…..for darker reasons as in I enjoy the sight of seeing two 40-year-old white men arguing over the most pointless shit and beating the shit out of each other. It’s much like a king watching two jesters duke it out and even that statement doesn’t make sense. It’s very sophomoric and juvenile to say the least but hell, sometimes I’ve seen that during my days of high school, except replace the 40-year-old white men with a bunch of teenagers and we all know how teenagers can be. In closing, is this a great movie? No. But I happen to catch it when it’s on cable or just rent the DVD/Blu-ray of it. Anyway, while Step Brothers may be number two of the top 10 guilty pleasure movies, what is the number one movie that I’m embarrassed to say I like but I’m going to risk it all anyway?
Well, most of you will question my sanity and would like to slap the shit out of me. Some might not give a fuck at all or give some weird looks at me like I’m that neighbor that your kids shouldn’t be with.
But here goes, my number 1 guilty pleasure movie is……….
1. SCARY MOVIE
There it is. I like the first Scary Movie that was helmed by the Wayans Brothers….and I also liked Scary Movie 2, maybe a little bit of the third movie but not so much on the fourth. I get this movie is what led to be the downfall of the parody movie genre and result into the very shallow, uninventive, humorless parody movies directed by those slags of Hollywood, Jason Friedburg and Aaron Seltzer, and the worst part of me liking this movie is that I liked a movie that was co-written by these two. I kept thinking that most of the times whenever I watch this movie and even though the Wayans Brothers aren’t exactly comedic geniuses, I would still or rather watch Little Men or White Chicks (but not Dance Flick, that was shit) than watch any of their movies. Unlike Seltzerberg, at least the jokes in the first two movies and their execution either worked at the time or failed, either way, effort was put into this. Let’s face it, the later movies did led to the downfall of the parody movie genre and there hasn’t been a parody movie worth talking about over the last 10 years that can be funny and don’t always rely on pop culture just to appeal to the younger demographic, meaning I have no high hopes for the upcoming Paranormal Activity parody called A Haunted House which Marlon Wayans starred and produced in. That’s Scary Movie for you, you don’t know either to laugh or cry in shame wondering why you liked it so much.
And that’s all the guilty pleasures that I got to list.
But hey, I know it isn’t just me that sometimes like movies no wonder how bad they appeared to be?
What do you think of my choices? Agree? Disagree?
Got some you want to share with? If so, comment below and spill your secrets.
Until then, this is MAK2.0 aka The Hybrid, bringing all the elements in one format.
JOHN CARPENTERS’ GHOSTS OF MARS – courtesy of Sony / Screen Gems
BAD BOYS II, CHARLIE’S ANGELS, CHARLIE’S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE, GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE & STEP BROTHERS – courtesy of Sony / Columbia Pictures
TORQUE – courtesy of WARNER BROS. PICTURES
STREET FIGHTER (1994) & DEATH RACE – courtesy of UNIVERSAL PICTURES
SCARY MOVIE – courtesy of DIMENSION FILMS / MIRAMAX FILM CORP. / BUENA VISTA (WALT DISNEY)
Note: Wow, Sony must made some bad movies in its pastime, don’t they?
THE MIND OF THE HYBRID ONE - My Tumblr Site.