The economy is in the toilet. There’s no two ways about it. Some analysts are predicting a full blown depression could occur within the year. People are losing their jobs, their homes and everything they have. In every other country in the world, the response would be soup lines, and government rations, and rent subsidies. Why don’t you see too many of those here?

This is America! We fix the economy by blowing what little money we have on the most retarded things we can find. Jocks blow money on sports tickets to teams that suck. Gamers waste money buying the bundle packs of every Guitar Hero game despite already having more guitars than a pawn shop in Nashville. And for the geeks of us out there, there is the expensive movie replicas. So, without further ado, here are the top ten stupid replicas you can spend money on instead of the mortgage to save our economy.

10. The Proton Pack

Ghostbusters was not that great of a movie, let’s be honest. Dialogue was campy, acting was somewhat cheesy, and I have it on good authority Bill Murray wasn’t even aware there was a script. But you know what. It was still one of the most satisfying movie experiences anyone could hope for. Much of this stemmed from the fact that, despite the fact that they were total losers, we all wanted to be Ghostbusters. While this equipment won’t quite help you exorcise that poltergeist that keeps opening your mint condition figures, it will still impress, let’s be honest, anyone from Generation X on. Asking price: $1,000

9. Wolverine’s Claws

Nothing quite says I have more money than I could ever possibly know what to do with, than the most incredibly worthless weapons ever made. Don’t get me wrong,, when Wolverine uses them, it’s cool, but remember they’re bound to his skeleton. These attach to your hands like cold metal gloves that threaten at any given second to make you YouTube famous in a way no Wiimote ever could. Still, there is not one of us out there that can’t say they aren’t a little turned on by the thought of taking out a burglar with a good “snikt”. Current price: $100

8. Chucky

For just under a thousand dollars, you can terrorize your friends in the middle of the night with this life-size fully accurate Chucky replica complete with moldy blood and murder weapon. Think about it. Everyone has that friend who, every party drinks far too much, throws up on your variants, then passes out so deep noone can tell them to go home. Wouldn’t you be tempted, just once, to leave this guy staring at your friend for the moment the drunkenness passes. Forget Alcoholics Anonymous, this nine hundred dollar doll will scare even the worst offender straight. Asking price: $950

7. The Sonic Screwdriver

This high dollar hobby toy will probably set you back more than building your own TARDIS, but for any classic Who fan, this replica is a dream come true. That is, until you’ve locked your keys out of the car for the hundredth time, and no one is finding your attempts to reverse the polarity of the locking mechanism funny anymore. It doesn’t quite have the full functionality of the real Sonic, but it does have a spring. That’s something right? Retail price $350

6. Hal Jordan’s Ring and Battery

You know, for being the Greatest of the Green Lanterns, you’d think Hal Jordan would do a better job of hanging onto his stuff. First Daffy Duck managed to steal his laundry, now his ring and lantern, cast in full metal and fully functioning is up for sale on eBay. Three AAA Batteries and a bit of a pressure switch allows you to look as authentically geeky as possible as you recite the oath of the Corps. One thing’s for sure, if you don’t have the willpower to pay the mortgage but you can afford this setup, This is probably as close as you’re going to come to the organization that thrives on willpower. Asking price: $450

5. The Book of Shadows

The actual Book of Shadows contains more than four hundred years of the most powerful witches’ lineage passed down to the greatest force for good magic that will ever lice. What you just bought on eBay is the world’s most expensive loose-leaf notebook. This leather-bound tome is accurate in every way, aside from the pages having nothing whatsoever written on them. Out of all the stupid things on this list, this is practically speaking the most useful. Don’t count on its protective magic to keep your little brother from finding out you totally have a crush on Bobby Drake in 2nd period history though. Earthly cost: $100

4. Captain Kirk’s Phaser

Let’s be honest. Despite the consistent popularity Star Trek continues to enjoy, 9 out of 10 people are going to congratulate your on your new cell phone when you whip this out. You can try to change the setting from stun to kill, but lacking functionality other than the beautiful metal work on this replica, you’re only really likely to invoke sympathy and maybe an iPhone hand-me down. Still, you’d best get it now before the Democrats put forward their controversial new Energy Weapons Ban. Starting Cost: $350

3. The Grail Diary.

Yes, it’s another book. However, unlike the three-ring binder up there, this replica has been meticulously mapped out with the entire contents of Henry Jones, Sr.’s findings towards the resting place of the Holy Grail. With this book well in hand, you can just toss Indy the Power Battery and call it a Crystal Cranium while you sneak out to search for the mysteries of eternal life. You’d think such a valuable document would at least be worth more than the proton pack. Go figure. Asking price: $750

2. Stormtrooper Armor

Why be the Dark Lord of the Sith when you can be a Peon! For just pennies a day for a few decades, you can get this immaculate armor that will be just a few sizes too tall for you to fit into. On the plus side, now you’ll have an excuse to tell your friends when that frixing dog won’t stop laughing at you on Nintendo. One warning though. Be sure to stay well away from and laser swords. Actually you might just want to stay away from the regular metal swords too. Something tells me, if you’re going into a fight with this setup, you’re probably going to be the underdog. Retail Price: $1500

1. Doc Brown’s DeLorean

Ok, let me just say that this is the most miraculous find anywhere on the internet. You can search until your monitor grows dim and your connection lags but you’ll never find a treasure so rare and beautiful as what you see before you. This is a nearly thirty year old used car with less than thirty thousand miles on it. Seriously though, how does that happen. This might as well have been the machine used in the movie itself. Heck, it might even have full functionality. If you’ve got the cash to buy this ultimate geek car then you could probably afford some plutonium to try it out. Seriously though, 29,000 miles? He never once had the temptation to freak out the Mickey D’s drive through Clerks? Wow. MSRP: $60,000

Well there you have it, ten ways to jumpstart the economy by succumbing to your inner geek. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some fan-fiction write down on some very expensive paper. Blessed Be.