Spindrift68's Film Blog: Issue 17 - October 27, 2009

------------------------------------------------***Note: this may contain spoilers...you've been warned***------------------------------------------------

"Paranormal Activity" might as well of been called "Pissed Off Demon Movie". Better yet, "The Cleavage Cam Diaries". Literally, I swear that the dude in this movie spent more time recording his girlfriend's knockers, than he did this whole ghost thing. I can't say that I blame him though. At least you can see those.

We begin the film with Katie (Featherston) and Micah (Sloat), a young couple moving into a small suburban house. As the days go on, they begin to hear noises and disturbances within their home. Micah grabs his digital camera, and sets it up on a tripod in their bedroom. Each night, they see doors swinging open, footprints on the floor, and they hear whispering inside the walls. Is it a mouse? A spirit? Water pipes? They don't know. Rather than doing the sensible thing and turning the camera off, Micah says "whatever it is, let's piss it off!"

We follow Katie and Micah around their house, pretty much doing nothing. Actually, one thing does happen. Katie puts on tight sweaters, and shows us her great tits. As we watch her great tits, she screams at this moronic dousbag to turn the camera off. He won't. Why? Well, most likely, he's a dumbass. In fact, they both are. These have got to be the stupidest people I've ever seen. I mean, they establish that this demon only attacks at night, in darkness. So, why don't they leave the lights turned on?

Skepticism was the main thought in my mind going into this. Whenever a movie is quoted as "the scariest movie ever", I immediately think...bullshit. I've never been scared by a movie. I laughed at "The Exorcist" and "Alien", two films that have been credited as "the scariest movies ever". And wow, did I laugh at this. "Good Burger" was scarier than this shit, and I only sat through ten minutes of that.

It's not that I needed to see a monster. Or a demon. Or whatever. I can appreciate a good psychological horror flick like "1408" or "The Haunted Airman", where you don't have to always physically see something. I just wanted something to happen. Nothing...nothing...nothing happens here. Perhaps some "Exorcist" style subliminal imagery might of helped. You know, you're watching people talking and then...BAM! Demon face!

This has been compared a lot to "The Blair Witch Project". While I pretty much hated "Blair Witch", I do give it credit for it's sense of realism. I was able to buy into the fact that these were indeed real people, and this was a true story. "Paranormal Activity" works on the same level.

Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat are both good in their roles, but their characters have barely any depth. The point was to make them "ordinary" people. They're about as interesting as styrofoam. Now, if you like styrofoam, then they'll work fine for you. They just bored me to tears.

Another complaint, is the fact that the film is shot digitally, which takes most of the realism away. "Blair Witch" looked like it was shot on VHS. Crappy, fuzzy and degraded. Very home movieish. That quality of footage seems more convincing than this style of artificially created, digital distortion. But hey, that's just me.

Despite not being crazy about this film, I am anxious to see what director Oren Peli does with his future projects. On a technical level, this is well made. It's got a good visual tone, if nothing else. And the last, slanted camera shot is creepy. However, what happens in the shot, is completely lame and ridiculous. I've seen an alternate ending, that actually presents multiple conclusions. This ending gives a unneeded definite closure to the audience, so they don't have to put any thought into it afterwards.

As much as this movie didn't scare me, I'd be lying if I said that it didn't effect me, slightly. The night after I came home, I did hear some creepy noises around the house, and I was pretty freaked out for a while. Perhaps that's a sign of a good horror film, but I don't know. I want something that will scare me while I'm watching it, not after.

I got a fair amount of laughs from the moments of unintensional hilarity, and the girl's rack managed to keep my attention through the rest. If the ending had paid off, I might speak positively of it. But, no. They pull the ultimate cop out, resulting in a movie that I can only recommend as a rental (at best).

-Spindrift68