Sound of Doom's Holiday Movie Review

Welcome back! Well, seeing as the Fall movie season (September-October) is pretty much out of the way, it's time to look at a far bigger, greater, more interesting moviegoing period... the HOLIDAY SEASON!! Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years, oh my! This is an apt description of both my thought process (any holiday to escape the working world) and the major studios, who save some of their higher-profile, big-budget pictures and the vast majority of their major awards contenders for this season. The holidays, particularly those latter two, tend to give significant boosts in grosses to all the films released around that time (along with those lucky enough to survive until then), whether your film be a kidpic, an action pic, a rom-com, or an Oscar hopeful. With that said, let's forget the films of weekends' past and review the films of weekends' future!

To review how this column works, it's exactly like my Fall Review: I lay down the major wide releases being released each Friday (along with any notable limited releases), giving my analysis of each weekend's release slate, and ultimately assigning one of 3 verdicts:

To the Ticket Line! indicates a strong, appealing batch of new films aiming for all sorts of audiences, or (at the very least) a big, event-status film that you simply must see, no matter what. Regardless, you're bound to find something you'll like.

Flip a Coin to Decide tells you that the slate of releases, while certainly not bad, aren't exactly sure-things, either. In other words, you might as well let the fates (or the critics) make the decision for you.

Stay at Home This Time... indicates a (seemingly) mediocre, even downright bad slate of movies that, at least in my mind, probably aren't worth your time. If there are ANY pictures of interest on weeks like this, then they would appeal to a specific niche fanbase (ex. the Twilight saga). Take a trip to the video store this weekend, if anything.

Now, let's take a look at the Holiday Season!

November 6
The Box (Warner Bros.)
A Christmas Carol (Buena Vista) [Also in Digital 3D and IMAX 3D]
The Fourth Kind (Universal)
The Men Who Stare at Goats (Overture)
Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire (Lionsgate) [Limited Release]
Well, the studios are certainly starting the holiday season with a bang. Aside from a major Oscar contender (seriously, Precious is one to watch), we've got the return of Richard Kelly, Robert Zemeckis' return to mo-cap mania (hey, you're either a fan or you're not- put me in the former), an... interesting foray into the horror realm that probably should have opened the week before, and a promising comedy with an all-star cast who believe they're jedis- yeah, seems like your average moviegoing weekend. There's a lot of promise here, and at least some of these films could live up to it.
Verdict: To the Ticket Line!

November 13
2012 (Sony)
Pirate Radio (Focus Features)
The Fantastic Mr. Fox (Fox) [Limited Release]
Reviews for Fox and Pirate Radio (formerly The Boat That Rocked- much better title, in my opinion) are somewhat mixed at the moment, but in the big picture they are mere curiosities in comparison to the behemoth lording over this weekend. You know, the one that had that clip air simultaneously over pretty much every major network a few weeks ago? The one that Sony is marketing the holy living hell out of? Surely you know what I'm referring to. Anyway, as long as we ignore the sure-to-be-terrible story and bland family drama, this is going to be the disaster pic to end all disaster pics, without question (and yet I have to ask- where's Jeff Goldblum?). Expect hordes of audiences to respond to Roland Emmerich's latest. Personally, I'm gonna wait for some reviews to roll in first.
Verdict: Flip a Coin to Decide

November 20
The Blind Side (Warner Bros.)
Planet 51 (Sony)
The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Summit)
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (First Look Entertainment) [Limited Release]
Red Cliff (Magnolia) [Limited Release]
Look, there is only one film listed for this weekend that anyone gives a s*** about... guess.
You're either seeing it or you're not. Me, I think those books are laughable, so...
Verdict: Stay at Home This Time...

Wednesday, November 25
Ninja Assassin (Warner Bros.)
Old Dogs (Buena Vista)
The Road (Weinstein Company)
The Princess and the Frog (Buena Vista) [NY, LA]
Me and Orson Welles (Freestyle Releasing) [NY, LA]
If only I lived in LA or NY... no, I don't give two craps about that Zac Efron/ Orson Welles time travel comedy. This is where Disney launches The Princess and the Frog, building up the buzz before opening wide to what will (hopefully) be a successful run akin to Disney pictures of yore (they did this before in the 90s with Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King, etc.). Indeed, Disney's return to their 2D hand-drawn roots will likely be magical...
Oh, right, the stuff going wide. Um... I'm (personally) psyched for Ninja Assassin, since I still have faith in the Wachowskis and I'm in the mood for an ultraviolent action pic with ninjas. Meanwhile, Robin Williams'/John Travolta's latest excuse for a paycheck looks just like the kind of deplorable family comedy that will do gangbusters business around Thanksgiving (*sigh*), and The Road will probably be a good film, but the Weinsteins are releasing at the wrong time- who wants to see the most depressing post-apocalypse film ever during Turkey time? Then again, I can see their logic- after it's over, audiences will definitely have a lot to give thanks for.
Verdict: Flip a Coin to Decide

December 4
Armored (Sony)
Brothers (Lionsgate)
Everybody's Fine (Miramax)
Transylmania (Full Circle Releasing)
Up in the Air (Paramount) [Limited Release]
If you can see Up in the Air this weekend, good for you. Otherwise, it's just the usual post-Thanksgiving dumping ground. I don't think any of those other films will be remembered by by the end of the year... which is only 4 weeks later.
Verdict: Stay at Home This Time...

December 11
Did You Hear About the Morgans? (Sony)
The Princess and the Frog (Buena Vista)
Invictus (Warner Bros.) [Limited Release]
The Lovely Bones (Paramount/DreamWorks) [Limited Release]
A Single Man (Weinstein Company) [Limited Release]
THREE major Oscar contenders AND the revival of 2D hand-drawn Disney animation? Yes, please!
Verdict: To the Ticket Line!

December 18
Avatar (Fox) [Also in Digital 3D and IMAX 3D]
Nine (Weinstein Company) [Limited Release]
You're seeing it.
Verdict: To the Ticket Line!

December 25
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel (Fox)
It's Complicated (Universal)
Sherlock Holmes (Warner Bros.)
Up in the Air (Paramount)
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (Sony Picture Classics)
Christmas is finally here at last, and with it comes a huge slate of films for audiences of all sorts to enjoy! Certainly, Christmas comes with its ups (Sherlock, Up in the Air, Parnassus, the on-screen pairing of Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin that will set the world ablaze) and downs (that... OTHER movie...), but regardless of your tastes, you'll certainly find something to like when you go out with the family during your holiday break! So... what are you waiting for? (Aside from Christmas, of course...)
Verdict: To the Ticket Line!

Hope that helped!