If it's crap ... We'll tell you
There's an nonthreatening looking title of a horror film for you. They pretty much HAD to throw that Grim Reaper looking guy (well, the reaper with a leaf blower...times are tough) on the cover just so you knew it wasn't a documentary about a moving company or the census or something. This indie thriller follows three people (one of which is Justin Kirk from the Showtime series "Weeds") who run an estate liquidation business; going to the houses of dead folks and pricing and selling all their left over possessions. While holed up at their latest job, they discover and get obsessed with a website called "Four Boxes" that shows footage of scary looking hooded guys doing horrible stuff to people. The film wants to be a 'Rear Window' for internet voyeurism, and if it wasn't for the awful interactions between the characters, which makes the road seem OH SO LONG to get there, the story and the big twist at the end might seem to be pretty darn clever. As it is, though, you can watch this in the background while you surf the internet yourself, looking for something interesting to pass the time. You're not gonna miss too much along the way.
--CLICK HERE TO BUY Four Boxes
There's really only one bad thing I have to say about Dreamworks film, the second best animated theatrical release of the year (after "Toy Story 3", of course)....it's that you REALLY should have seen it in the theater in 3D. This sucker, even more so than "Avatar", was the poster child for the amazing stuff you can do with the technology. It doesn't hurt that the film, with or without the eye-popping, is beautiful, clever, and fun as hell. The story follows Hiccup (Jay Baruchel), an uncommonly slight-bodied Viking lad who wants to please his father (Gerard Butler) but doesn't have the physicality required for his approval. His mind is his tool instead, and while developing an invention to capture the mythical and dangerous Night Fury dragon, he actually manages to down one, only to discover that the beast, trapped where he fell due to a damaged tail, is as playful as a kitty. Here's where I went all melty (as you might expect). Hiccup uses his skills to give the dragon a prosthesis so he can fly again and discovers not only can he ride him, but that his intimacy with the beast gives him a major leg-up in learning the intricacies of dragon behavior. And so, his plan to gain the respect of his Dad and maybe even get the notice of the cute viking girl (America Ferrera) starts to come together. This comes with a new short film called "Legend of the Bonesnapper Dragon" that's pretty amusing, along with the usual array of kids games and featurettes.
--CLICK HERE TO BUY How to Train Your Dragon (Two-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo + Dragon Doubl...
Sometimes, with films like the 2009 Italian release "I am Love", I KNOW they're supposed to be beautiful, and artistic, and all that. You can't miss the heaps of glowing reviews. I still find myself dreading them. I mean, as an average Spill.com reader, does the title really grab you, or make you autonomically start to get tired? I even know that, with all likelihood, by the time I finish films like this, (assuming I'm wide awake) I'll totally fall under their spell. And yet, it's like pulling teeth to get myself to start watching them. "I am Love" is the very definition of one of those movies (for which I suspect I might need to come up with a new word for), to be sure. It creates a hypnotic spell, this story of a bourgeoisie Italian family and their matriarch (Tilda Swinton) Emma. Despite having been brought into the very lap of luxury and having quietly and responsibly raised her three children over the years, as they begin to lead their own lives and discover themselves, Emma finds a restlessness within herself. Soon, there is crazy wild sex. And OMG WANT IT NOW food. And other passions explored with a truly rare expression of visual intimacy that is key to the spell the film puts you under. Every frame of this thing positively drips with a curious sort of quiet passion, but its meticulously paced and extremely personal story isn't not going to win over any Michael Bay fans.
--CLICK HERE TO BUY I Am Love [Blu-ray]
Don't lie to me. Sure, you didn't see this DC comic book adaptation in the theater and who could blame you? It was almost universally panned (and those who didn't were panned themselves) and with good reason. But this...thing...is so discombobulated that it seems like it was made by a crazy person. I suspect if writers Neveldine and Taylor had been allowed to direct, as originally planned, this scattershot and surreal story might have translated into something that made sense. Or, at the very least, worked within their odd and unique style of storytelling. Depending on how you feel about that style. As is, watching the badly scarred cowboy Hex (Josh Brolin) seek out revenge against the man who killed his family (John Malcovich) using his powers to contact the dead, is like watching a retarded kid try to breakdance. It's embarrassing and badly done, and there's a surprising amount of blood at points, but it's not like you're NOT gonna watch. You gotta see how that retarded kid thing plays out. For the record, you fanboys who are slobbering over Megan Fox, who so prominently displays her assets on the cover, she's barely in it. But hey...it's still better than "Ghost Rider".
--CLICK HERE TO BUY Jonah Hex (Blu-ray/DVD Combo + Digital Copy)