It was a boring day, sow while listening to ACOCO I sit down and wrote this SCRIPT for a "SPILL MOVIE". It's propably unfunny and terrible as hell.

ENJOY!

 

 

 

RENTAL : THE SPILL MOVIE!

***

Scene 1.

A view of Austin. Day.

Camera comes down, pass the liqueur store off the I-35, and we get a nice shot of the Spill studio.  Doors open and Leon, Korey, Carlyle and Cyrus live the building in a hurry.

 

Leon

                                        Hurry up guys! We don’t want to miss our bus for the “National Critic Fest”!

 

Carlyle stops.

 

Carlyle

                                      Ow, for crying out loud… This is has to be, by far the worst movie exposition I’ve ever heard!

 

Korey

                                    Hey! Save your critic for the “Big Critic compaction” we are planning to enter!

 

Carlyle

                                           <Censored>!

 

Cyrus

                                           Holly shit! Look! It’s our mortal rivals!

 

Leon

                                             The evilest, meanest critic group in all of the land!

 

 A group of four  critics comes. They look like our heroes only dress like punks and each have a goat beard or something.

 

Evil Korey

                                               Well, well, well… If it isn’t the Spill crew!

 

Korey

i>with anger>

                                     It’s “Spill crew”, to you… Ow! Wait! You said Spill crew? Sorry about that. I was thinking you will call us “The Shit crew” or something like that…

 

Evil Korey

                                             So! You and your pathetic team of underdog critics still think THEY can win this years “Best Critic championships”, with our rich-snobby organization? Bah! It’s so happens we have a secret weapons!

 

Carlyle

                                                    Here we go with the exposition again…

 

Evil Korey

i>glance at his team>

                                      Let’s don’t waste any more time with those losers! Chris, Martin, Robert! We're living!

 

Korey

<laugh>

                                       Wow! Those have to be the gayest names I’ve ever heard in my life…

 

Cyrus gives Korey a glance. The evil teams exit laughing in a evil cartoonish style.

 

Leon

                                           Man, I hate those assholes…

i>notice something in the distance>

                                           Hey! Who’s that?

 

We see an Old Wise Nun sitting on the sidewalk. She’s crying.

 

Cyrus

                                      Wow! She’s almost as old as Leon!

 

Carlyle

                                     Heck! She’s almost so old Korey would want to have sex with her!

 

Korey

                                    She sure is! Is there a problem lady?

 

Old wise Nun

                             If I don’t get half of million dollars before midnight today I will lose my orphanage to the Evil critic group who is planning to tear it down and build a free way and…

 

Carlyle

<bored>

                                          Let me guess! What’s the prize of the Big Critic compaction…?

                                     

Leon

                                      Why it’s… Half of Million Dollars!

 

Korey

                                  That’s it! Don’t worry ma’am! We – THE SPILL CREW – will win the money and save Orphans!

 

Leon

                                     Yhe! And we do it working together… Just like the time we taught  that Disney dad to stop working so hard and  pay more attention to his children in the prequel!

 

Old wise Nun

                                     Thank you! Thank you for all youre good will…

 

Cyrus

                                 Not my. I hate all religion and I hope we lose, your Catholic orphanage will be destroy and you end up homeless or something… No offence ma’am.

 

Leon

                                   Shit! But didn’t those evil assholes mention something about a secret weapon?

 

Korey

                                   Don’t worry guys! I have a little trick upon my sleeve…

 

Scene 2.

The national CRITIC FEST.

It’s full of people. The SPILL CREW enter, with KOREY holding a big brown box.

 

Cyrus

                                         Whoa! Some of those critics sure take their job to the extreme...

 

We see a Critic running in one place. A fat Coach stands next to him.

 

Coach

                                             Pulp Fiction!

 

Critic

                                               Full Price!

 

Coach

                                               Unstoppable!

 

Critic

                                               Matinee!

 

Coach

                                               Scott Pilgrim vs. The world!

 

Critic

                                               Full Price!

 

The coach hits the Critic in the head.

 

Coach

                                               You idiot! It’s better then sex!

 

Critic

                                                Actually I had sex once and…

 

Coach hits the Critic again, and one more time for no reason.

 

Cyrus

                                               Sow what’s the secret weapon Korey?

 

KOREY opens the box and CO-HOST jumps out.

 

Co-Host

                                                   What’s up guys!!!!!!!

 

The movie audience stars clapping and cheering, and roses start falling from the sky. All the children yell "Yay! It's Co-Host!!!!" CYRUS is about to say something, but he has to wait for audients to stop cheering. After few minutes it's finally stops!

 

Cyrus

                                                       How the hell Co-Host will save our situation!?

 

Korey

                                                       Don’t you know Cyrus? Co-Host is the most advance peace of technology in this part of globe! 

 

Co-Host

                                                      Yhe!

 

Korey

                                                   He’s can produce sixty-five movie reviews in a minute!

 

            Co-Host

                                                   Yhe!

 

Korey

                                               We can use him to bribe the judge and win this thing!

 

Co-host

                                              YHE! LET’S DO THI…Wait! What!?

 

Korey

                                           Man I check on eBay and you are worth like 60 dollars! It’s more then this judge get’s for judging this shit-fest of a competition…

 

Co-host

                                                Man, don’t do this to me! Who will take care of Goatsy?

 

Korey

                                                  We all know there is no Goatsy! It was just something I made up, to explain Police why the girl I slept with that night ended up dead in the trash…

 

All children in the audience start crying.

 

Korey

                                                     No, no! I’m just kidding! There is a goatsy!

 

Co-host

                                                    Yhe, but he’s going starve to death if you won’t let me go!

 

Korey hits Co-Host.

Korey

                                                              Quite you!

 

The Evil critic group comes.

 

Evil Korey

                                               So! You finally made it! Ready to be humiliated?

 

Leon

                                                 You wish!  No matter what movie they will give us to review in this competition, it is us who will win by having a better opinion about it!

 

Carlyle

                                               Wait! What? Is this how thins thing works!? The judge PICKS the guy whos opinion is the "right one" and they give him half million dollars!? Who the hell organize this!?

 

Evil Korey

                                                 I think you all forgetting we have the secret weapon!

 

Evil Korey makes a step to the right, and reviles a gigantic Optimus Prime-like robot.

 

Cyrus

                                                    Holly shit! It's The Co-Host 5000!!!

 

Korey

                                                  Yhe, I read about those things. It’s like our Co-Host except his opinion actually matters!

 

Evil Korey exit with his group and robot laughing.

 

Leon

                                                         Well were screwed! Now they will bribe the judge with more expensive Co-Host and he will declare their opinion as the right one! Because of us the old wise nun will lose the orphanage and all the children will die…

 

Carlyle

                                                        See?  This is exactly why I don’t review movies with you guys any more...

 

Cyrus

                                                        But we have to save the orphans!

 

Carlyle

                                                      Hey! Haven’t you been like “fuck the orphans” two minutes ago?

 

Cyrus

                                                     Yhe, but I had some character development which lead me to a change of hearth and now I’m all pro-religious…

 

Carlyle

                                                      Ow... WHAT! WHEN!?

 

Cyrus

                                                         It will be in the deleted scenes…

 

KOREY puts his hand on CARLYLE arm.

 

Korey

                                                        Well don’t give up hope guys! A good friend once told me that if you review a movie from your hearth, your opinion will be so superior to opinions of others, that no matter how much the other people will be bribed, they will recognize your opinion as the true one!

 

Cyrus

                                                         Yes and I was drunk when I told you this!

 

Co-Host

                                                          Can I go now?

 

Korey

                                                           Goddammit! No!

 

KOREY hits CO-HOST again.

 

Cyrus

i>get’s revelation>

                                                                Wait a second! Leon! You’re the “Spoiler”! You can tell us how this thing will end and we use it to win!

 

Leon

                                                               Well, well, well! Mr. “Fuck you for spoiling movies Leon” now want the "Big bad spoiler" to…

 

Cyrus 

                                                              Ow, just say it! I want to live this thing as soon as possible! We have another episode of “Everybody hate's Harris” to record in like half hour!

 

Leon

                                                               He’s talking about “THE LEOG”…

 

Korey

                                                              I know he’s talking about “LEOG”! It’s like calling “Tangled” “Rapunzel”! Now say how this thing ends!

 

Leon

                                                              Ok! First, we….

 

LEON dies from old age.

 

Cyrus

                                                              Shit! I guess he really was that old…

 

Korey

<with frustration>                                                              

                                                            Ok! What kind of dark ending is this? We lose to bunch of rich snobby assholes, Orphans loses roof over their heads…

 

Leon

                                                                  I’m dead.

 

Korey

                                                              Yes thank you... Leon dies, I will bit the crap-out of Co-Host as soon we get back home…  How the hell we can produce “FUCK YOU : THE SPILL SEQUEL” after such downer of a ending?

 

CARLYLE comes holding a big cup and a sack of money.

 

Carlyle

                                                                     Ok, I just bribe the judge, we won, and I just send check of money to the nun. Can we finally end this aaaaassstastic peace of crap?

 

Korey

                                                              You bribe the judge? How?

 

Carlyle

                                                             With all the millions of dollars we get for all the review and podcast we produce each week.  

 

Cyrus

                                                            Of course!

 

Korey

                                                            Wow! I’m so glad everything turn out ok! Once again we prove where the best movie-reviewing team in the word! I love a happy ening…

 

Co-Host

                                                           Isn’t Leon still dead?

 

Korey

i>hit’s Co-Host>

                                                        Quiet you!

 

 

~THE END

 

By. Maciek of Poland.