OK LOL Cats and Kittens, I'm afraid there's just too much news to pick one story to write about. No, dear reader, no! You deserve to drink from the firehose of knowledge at full stream. So open wide, unhinge your jaw, and relax. It'll all be over soon.

First up we've got the launch trailer for Bastion, an XBLA indie game that you should have heard of by now. If you haven't... um... well, now you have I guess.

Whether that does anything for you or not is probably most contingent on how much of Bastion you've already seen. If you're new to this particular party, let me fill you in on a few of the details. Bastion could probably be compared most favorably to Diablo, simply by the fact that it's an isometric, third person action game. But that's pretty much where the similarity ends. One of the most interesting features is the narrator heard in the trailer. He is present throughout the game and will describe what the player is doing as they do it. After playing though most of the completely and totally repugnant Dungeon Siege 3, I'm really looking forward to this one. It's been a while since I've played a game of this style that really managed to grip my cojones.

Next up, we've got a video from Crystal Dynamics showing the making of the gorgeous trailer for the new Tomb Raider game. Take a gander.

Who knew that a studio could get away with just making awesome gameplay trailers? I guess I kind of did, but that's beside the point. I've talked before about how burned out I am on generic trailers that don't even try to do something at all different. Well, this video reminded me of another little pet peeve of mine. Trailers that make an altogether crappy game look fantastic. Visual Works created one of the best trailers I've ever seen for Final Fantasy XIV... which turned out to represent absolutely nothing of what that game ended up being like. It was the old bait and switch at its finest. Not that Visual Works can really be held responsible for Squeenix making a crappy game, but still.

Moving on, I'd like to talk to you guys about these June NPD numbers. I'm not happy, people. First, look at this:

1. L.A. Noire (360, PS3)
2. Duke Nukem Forever (360, PS3, PC)
3. Infamous 2 (PS3)
4. Lego Pirates of the Caribbean: The Video Game (Wii, 360, NDS, PS3, 3DS, PSP, PC)
5. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D (3DS)
6. Call of Duty: Black Ops (360, PS3, Wii, NDS, PC)
7. NBA 2K11 (360, PS3, Wii, PS2, PSP, PC)
8. Mortal Kombat (PS3, 360)
9. Cars 2 (NDS, Wii, 360, PS3, PC)
10. Just Dance 2 (Wii)

Now, will someone please tell me WHERE THE FUCK SHADOWS OF THE DAMNED IS? Are you kidding me with this bullshit? Duke goddamn Nukem at number 2? Why, internet, why? What could possibly make you think that a 12 year old game that looks, sounds, and plays like dog crap could be better than a game made by SUDA 51 AND SHINJI MIKAMI?!! Hell, I'd even settle for seeing it within the top 10, but oh no, we've got to save room for CARS 2! While we're on the subject, where is Child of Eden? Numbers like this are the reason we can't have nice things internet. I'm just saying.

Next up on the hit parade, here's a 'launch' trailer for the Call of Duty: Elite Beta Launch. If you're not already completely and totally confused and underwhelmed by this service, well get ready to catch up to the rest of us.

You know, when I saw Call of Duty Elite at E3 they played that whole stupid ass 'Legend of Karl' trailer before spending about 20 minutes showing a web interface and features set. For the life of me I cannot understand who the bloody hell 'Karl' is and why I should care at all about him. In fact, Call of Duty Elite would be MORE appealing to me if they just made some generic trailers that didn't say much but had whooshing graphics and heavy metal. 'Karl' comes off like some kind of ESPN Extreme Ultimate Douchebag trying to get me to pay for something that intrinsically has no value. Now I'm not saying that CoDE has no value, but having some internet jerkoff talk to me like I'm a fool for not wanting to play CoD 20 hours a day to win a jeep is not, how you say... convincing.

Now I generally try to keep my politics to myself. I found out many years ago that it's not really that fun to get in fistfights with perfectly nice people just because your opinions do not coincide. Having said that, if you have not heard of S.978, you would do well to familiarize yourself with it. Check out this wonderfully written article over at Giant Bomb for more info:

The Story Behind S.978, the Controversial Streaming Bill

I don't really want to get into it too deeply, but basically this bill, which has ostensibly been created to keep people from charging on the internet for pirated content, has language that is vague enough to create problems for anyone who puts up a video using homemade capture footage from a video game. So now you know... and knowing is half the battle!

Last up on the trailer front, here's some new footage from Prototype 2

I'm not going to comment too much on this one, other than to say that Prototype 2 looks like it's shaping up nicely into a bowl of disgusting, tentacled deliciousness.

Finally, mom always said to end on a high note, so here's a groovy pre-render of Two Face from Batman: Arkham City doing his best Dirty Harry impression.

As always, leave a comment and let me know what you think about any of the stories above. Have a good weekend and remember to always count the number of bullets left in Harvey Dent's gun. It could just save your life... punk.