MTV Movie Awards - YouTube Edition

Something that's been bothering me in the field of entertainment for quite some time now's that anything that doesn't debut in theaters or television is never given any shot at award recognition. So much fantastic effort is out there, waiting to be praised, but unfortunately has a tendency be overlooked because of their brief running time of ten minutes or less. But when you think about it, your web videos and full-length feature films have alot in common. In fact, I was stunned how eligible many of the highly popular YouTube videos were for some of the categories at next Sunday's MTV Movie Awards. Now even though I only managed to stir up half the amount of the show's actual nomination spots and more importantly, my entire brain is made up out of compost, hopefully I'll be able to maintain your attention throughout.

Best Kiss - Reelz Channel and Anything Twilight's Rear End

Some might accuse the notorious movie news channel, Reelz, of simply mooching off the success of Stephanie Meyer's incredibly popular book to big screen franchise and its faithfully, enormous following to get more views. What a load! Reelz would do anything for Twilight in a heartbeat. Like, not letting Kristen Stewart promote her most recent, Adventureland, during April without dare going off track to mention some kind of New Moon update. They're so adoring that they went and made a FANS EXPECTATIONS vid only two days after releasing their FANS DVD REVIEW (instead of either Knowing, I Love You Man or Duplicity), despite already posting a THEATRICAL FANS REVIEW four months back. But nothing gives me a sigh of relief like figuring out their film reports can be motivated all because its "set to start shooting anyday now" . And its just beyond me how Travis Oscarson was overlooked for Best Male Performance. I mean, how convincing was he while saying "I had alot of fun..." after walking out of Dragonball Evolution?

Breakthrough Performance - ChristianU2uber

Twelve year old, Scott Parsons, stunned the unsuspecting world over by his magnificent portrayal of an ambitious young lad with a blazing desire to share the word of God, virally. But like Kathy Bates in Misery, he knows how to shock an audience, establishing a near unbelievable transition eventually leading up to a disturbed, fiery rage. His characteristics shifted from an unconfident, homophobic choir boy to the seventh offspring of a rampaging serial killer after becoming flooded in a sea of hate comments and remixes of his original uploads. There were moments in between the whaling off on his keyboard, the bashing of his fist against the wall, the throwing of miscellaneous items at the floor and rapidly punching himself in the temple where I assumed this was to be Joker's origin story. Hopefully, we'll see alot more of Scott in the future, as he's bound to deliver even more breakthroughs of not only glass windows with his fist, but entertainment too (although in his case, there isn't a difference).

Best Villain - Warner Music Group

You didn't hear it from me, but the inspiration of CEO, Edgar Bronfman Jr's character, was meant to resemble the love child of Yolanda Saldívar and daughter-snatching Nazi officer in Sophie's Choice. Normally, you see the average league of evil doers holding back on their vicious tirades, but these guys really know how to make us induce a savage disliking for them. A good demonstration of this are users posting videos containing (WMG's) music, which they do not like. How humiliating is it for an uploader to have the audio track in one of their videos fully muted, left with no choice other than to substitute it with another song that has nothing to do with the visual ongoings anymore? Their mentally demented intentions seem as though they wish to drag everybody else down with them. While most of these users already PAYED MONEY for the songs in their videos and would say it actually benefits the company since it promotes their product and entices even more viewers to buy the them, Warner only wishes to enact fees on the uploaders despite giving their music more attention and doing it for free. And what a twist! Who could have predicted Lucas Cruikshank was their evil minion all along, using his monstrously, headache-inducing internet fame to distract users away from their evil scheme?

Best Fight - Miley Cyrus vs. Radiohead, Jamie Foxx and Any Logical Reasoning Whatsoever

Miley Cyrus proved that the Rolling Stones' hit song, You Can't Always Get What You Want, even applies to world-renowned teen popstars who earn twenty-five million dollars, a Golden Globe nomination and the privilege to have Disneyland turned upside down for their birthday. Needless to say, this entire dispute was sparked when Cyrus' rock gods, Radiohead, refused to make acquaintance with her at the Grammy Awards. She then opened up to radio DJs, Johnjay and Rich, about the incident and her newfound resentment for the band. Good thing the band coincidentally "sucked anyway" (according to the female interviewer) the exact same night they were exposed for the soul-crushing meanies they really are. Anyways, Jamie Foxx eventually became involved while on his own radio show going a bit overboard on the criticism by making comments on her gum size and the following in Britney Spears' footsteps. When Miley heard about this, she posted a response on Twitter saying, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". So does that mean "I'm gonna ruin them" is the new "break a leg, guys"? Well, only just as much as Hannah Montana is the new Batman.

Best Song From A Movie - Bale Out by Revolucian

In my defense, they never categorized it "best song used in a movie" rather than "best outburst turned song remix originated from a movie set". Perhaps some good came out of Christian Bale's controversial, potty-mouthed explosion of emotions towards the out-of-place Terminator Salvation cinematographer. For one, it has motivated the attention of Bale's hits to be targeted less toward his mother, and more toward a talented sound mixer's view count. About 3.3 million to be precise. And if you're a genuinely sincere optimist, you can also see this event as a boost for Family Guy and The Soup's scale of hilarity on the laugh chart. Even exclusive night clubs find themselves resorting to it for a catchy dance floor favorite.

Best WTF Moment - Snakes On A Plane: The TV Edit

Here's a moment that literally takes the F out of WTF. FX debuted a movie that's most commonly known for a single, profane line reading and managed to sanitize it in such a way that even the Saturday Morning Watchmen would nod their heads in shame. You can appriciate the fact the network is actually trying to brainstorm clean replacement dialogue with a fraction as much amusement as the original cut of Snakes on Plane, rather than lazily replacing f*ck with friggin' and calling it a day. But after watching this clip, your mind loses all train of thought and ears convince you that somebody in your house just made a loud sound, causing you to misunderstand the word pronounciation but unfortunately when you rewind it, your ears heard correctly. And would somebody mind telling me why it takes from Monday to Friday to get from Honolulu to Los Angeles?