MOVIES OF 2008: A RETROSPECTIVE // PART TWO

And now for part two of my retrospective. Last time we covered my Top 16.


I decided I'll extend that to a top 20, but that'll be part of part three. But for now, here are my thoughts on some other cinema-related subjects:

WORST FILM I'VE SEEN ALL YEAR
Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay















Already, I've had people jump my ass about this one. But I'll give the same explanation I always give: I loved the first movie. I still find it a fun, dumb little comedy to watch on a Saturday afternoon. It's a stoner comedy that isn't all about getting stoned. It doesn't exactly bring up pot in such light as much as most comedies. So I was excited for the sequel, and the teaser trailer gave me a good chuckle. It looked like it would have the same great racial humor of the first and the fun, wacky adventure. When I saw the movie, I was wrong. I was very disappointed. The story just doesn't work as well as the first film. The jokes are not that funny and it becomes irritating. Also, watching it in a theater full of stoners didn't help. A guy tears up a joint and people boo and I hear mixed comments like "kick his ass!" Come on, people. Grow the hell up. It's just a joint. Get a real hobby, for God's sake. So, overall, the experience was irritating. The Neil Patrick Harris parts weren't nearly as funny as the scenes in the first, and NPH scenes were my favorite moments in the first film. While the first was a fun and crazy stoner adventure with occasional moments of humorous satire (about as witty as a stoner film can get, or a stoner for that matter), the second was complete nonsense, irritating, and disappointing. The first ended with the boys chowing down on some delicious White Castle burgers and Harold pwning his co-workers, and it was satisfying. The second one, they get one stoned with George W. Bush. Some may cheer, if your I.Q. is lower than your shoe size, but it was really just a lame, god-awful scene. It still has its moments of funny social satire, but not very many. The few great moments are overshadowed by the uninspired epic fails. It tries too hard to be gross when the first was just plain fun.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT
Christmas on Mars















Not the worst film I've seen all year (not saying it's not bad), but truly the biggest let-down. I'm a fan of The Flaming Lips and have been since high school. In film school, I have made a music video set to "The Year Yeah Yeah Song". I've patiently waited for the release of the new Flaming Lips movie since I first heard of it's production a few years ago. The trailer looked promising,with some great moments of inspired surrealism. I turned down the lights, grabbed some snacks, hoping to enjoy what would surely be a unique cinematic experience. Man, was this film both dull and pretentious. Wayne Coyne may be a great musician/lyricist, but he is no screenwriter by any stretch of the imagination. It feels much like the type of indie film you see being made in a comedy. The scenes, the dialogue and its plot are too outrageous to withstand. The stiff acting doesn't help either. The only reason why Coyne can pull off a performance is because he doesn't say a single word in the whole film. I sound like I'm completely slamming the film, and it does have some good things about it. For one thing: it's beautiful, visually. The production quality may be shlocky, but it does give it some charm. Coyne must've done more drugs than Harold and Kumar or Cheech and Chong when coming up with these surreal images. There's some great stuff that would've made this film great if it was just a music video. Coyne's screenplay is the film's biggest flaw. The dialogue is ridiculous and (mind you, I never thought I'd say this in a billion years) profane to the point where it gets annoying. I've seen some really profane movies without complaining at all, but for some reason, the language in this film is irritating. It feels gratuitous. Not only that, but maybe the dialogue wouldn't have been so bothersome if it was carried by decent performances. Another thing worth noting is, and this may sound gay to some: this guy really likes vaginas. I mean, really really likes vaginas. I like vaginas as much as the next guy, but Coyne's film uses vaginas way too much in this film and in very bizarre ways. There are vaginas in constellations, there's a marching band with vaginas for heads, ten minutes in and you see a dozen vagina-like images. I've said it before and I'll say it again: this looks, sounds and feels like the type of movie you see being made in a mockumentary or any film/TV show satirizing the film industry. Maybe some may like that quality, but I found it just very pretentious and dull.

MOST IRRITATING PERFORMANCE
PAULIE LITT (Speed Racer)

As much as I like Speed Racer, Litt's performance as Spritle really makes me say to myself, "you know...a vasectomy doesn't sound all that bad."

"OH, COME ON! IT'S NOT THAT BAD!"
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull











I am getting pretty tired of people dismissing the film for the most juvenile of reasons: "he's too old" (and yet Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino is okay), "there's aliens in the movie", "the refrigerator scene is stupid." Seriously, it's Indiana freaking Jones! That means anything is possible. Look at the Ark scene in Raiders in the Lost Ark. Faces melting and exploding eyeballs is all fine and dandy, but God forbid a guy hides in a fridge during a nuclear blast. It's a work of fiction, for crying out loud. On top of that, the Indiana Jones films are supposed to be wild and unbelievable. He's the ultimate adventurer! Surely you watch crap that is more unbelievable, and that crap surely is not a fun to watch as any Indiana Jones. Lastly, are you really going to look me in the eye and tell me this film is the worst Indy film? And Temple of Doom isn't? Please...

Stay tuned, kids, for part two.

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