If it's crap ... We'll tell you
By now the the 2012 movie JOHN CARTER has phased in like a deceased Jedi right next to Waterworld and Ishtar as one of the biggest most expensive flops in the history of cinema. In truth, the movie isn't terrible. It fits somewhere between "Not bad" and "Meh". But let's be honest, $350 million is too much money to spend on anything that's even the least bit "meh".
Thing is, so many of the problems with the movie could've been easily forgiven if there was just something in it that was cool or weird or...even exciting. Some "Wow-factor" it needed or maybe the right director who had a vision. Maybe someone like Kerry Conran, the director of Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow.
Yeah, it's an odd thing for me to say seeing as I don't even like Sky Captain but back when Conran was a hopeful for being at the helm of John Carter he put together a video pitch for the job. Check out the John Carter movie you could've had:
Ah well *sigh*. I guess there's no point in dwelling in the hypothetical.
Besides, if you want to feel better about the current John Carter you can always go back to the 2009 version titled "A Princess of Mars" starring ex-soap opera star Antonio Sabato Jr. and ex-pornstar Traci Lords.
Thinking I'm lying? See for yourself: