Well, it's Oscar time again, which means it's also time for us to (dis)honor the worst that 2009 had to offer! Now, I know the final nominations list is tomorrow (February 1, traditionally the day before the Oscar nods are announced), but I just have to pass judgment on the picks of those old stogies at the Golden Raspberries! The Razzies already announced their pre-nominees lists for this year a few weeks back, so looking at that I'll give my guesses for which turds will make the final five, along with some mourning of contenders that should have made the cut. For helpful reference, I have listed each contender's Rotten Tomatoes (RT) score next to the corresponding film, just to save us all some time (well, aside from me, anyway). If you dare, let's dive in!

UPDATE: And the (actual) nods are in! Now I've added the final list of winners below my predictions to see how they measured up, tally up the final score and add some new commentary.

Worst Picture
* All About Steve (6% RT)
* C Me Dance (0% RT)
* Dragonball Evolution (13% RT)
* G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (36% RT)
* Land of the Lost (25% RT)
* Miss March (4% RT)
* Old Dogs (6% RT)
* The Pink Panther 2 (13% RT)
* Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (20% RT)
* Transylmania (0% RT)
* The Twilight Saga: New Moon (28% RT)
Yep, seems like 2009 had some real shining examples of bottom of the barrel! Though I certainly can't argue against any of these pics, there are still a few glaring omissions, such as:
Whiteout(6% RT): One of my friends actually got to see a free advance screening of this film. From his subsequent reaction, I can assure you this one's about as much of a pleasure to sit through as getting your frostbitten limb amputated.
Gentlemen Broncos(16% RT): It honestly looked pretty good before the reviews came in, but anything that wastes Jemaine Clement's talents like this deserves Gitmo-level punishment.
My Life in Ruins (10% RT): The only thing left in ruins after this movie was finished was Nia Vardalos' hopes of career revival... and yet she still made another movie later almost as bad as this one.
The Ugly Truth (14% RT): The most sexist, charmless rom-com in ages.
Year One (15% RT): Harold Ramis, how could you?
Obsessed (19% RT): And the winner of the trashiest, most hammily-acted, least erotic erotic thriller goes to...
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (4% RT): The winner of RT's Moldy Tomato award, the omission of this film is nigh inexcusable.

Regardless, here's my predictions for the final 5 nominees:
All About Steve- Sandra thinks we've forgotten... but not even an Oscar can erase this blight on humanity.
Dragonball: Evolution- Because it raped my childhood.
Miss March- A film that scrapes even lower than the bottom of the barrel, probably because it's too brain-dead itself to know where the barrel is.
Old Dogs- Proof that America's education system is failing.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen- Because it raped everyone's childhood.

The ACTUAL nominees:
* All About Steve
* G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
* Land of the Lost
* Old Dogs
* Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Score: 3/5


Worst Director
* Michael Bay - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
* Walt Becker - Old Dogs
* Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore - Miss March
* David Hillenbrand and Scott Hillenbrand - Transylmania
* Karyn Kusama - Jennifer's Body (37% RT)
* McG - Terminator Salvation (33% RT)
* Greg Robbins - C Me Dance
* Brad Silberling - Land of the Lost
* Zack Snyder - Watchmen (64% RT)
* Stephen Sommers - G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
* Phil Traill - All About Steve
* Chris Weitz - The Twilight Saga: New Moon
* James Wong - Dragonball Evolution

I wish Whiteout was here- I know it must be difficult to direct an action scene in a snowstorm, but come on!

My picks for the final 5:
Michael Bay - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen- KABOOM! WA WA WA WA WA SPLOOM!
Walt Becker - Old Dogs- Physical comedy isn't easy, but only Mr. Becker can be so inept as to miss the mark in every conceivable area to the extent he does here.
Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore - Miss March- It takes two to go even lower than Walt Becker.
Phil Traill - All About Steve- Good direction wouldn't have saved this movie, but bad direction can definitely make it worse.
James Wong - Dragonball Evolution- This last slot is a battle between Dragonball and Twilight, but at least Chris Weitz actually seems to know how to properly implement slow-motion (if only to the delight of screaming teen girls).

The ACTUAL nominees:
* Michael Bay - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
* Walt Becker - Old Dogs
* Brad Silberling - Land of the Lost
* Stephen Sommers - G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
* Phil Traill - All About Steve

Score: 3/5


Worst Actor
* Christian Bale - Terminator Salvation
* Gerard Butler - Gamer / Law Abiding Citizen / The Ugly Truth (29% RT/ 24% RT/ 14% RT)
* Nicolas Cage - Knowing (33% RT)
* Justin Chatwin - Dragonball Evolution
* Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore - Miss March
* Will Ferrell - Land of the Lost
* The Jonas Brothers (as themselves) - Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (22% RT)
* Ashton Kutcher - Spread (13% RT)
* Steve Martin - The Pink Panther 2
* Matthew McConaughey - Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (28% RT)
* Eddie Murphy - Imagine That (38% RT)
* John Travolta - Old Dogs

Proof that Shia LaBoeuf really isn't that bad an actor.

Final 5 picks:
Gerard Butler - Gamer / Law Abiding Citizen / The Ugly Truth- Dear Mr. Butler, I like you and all, but The Ugly Truth is a crime against humanity, and that alone is enough to get you a nod here.
Justin Chatwin - Dragonball Evolution-Believe me, it has to be seen to be believed. This makes any Keanu Reeves role look like master thespianism.
Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore - Miss March- I have nothing left to say about this abomination.
Steve Martin - The Pink Panther 2- We love you Steve, but you're just making it harder for us to defend you...
John Travolta - Old Dogs- I ALMOST put Christian Bale in here instead, but then I realized it's actually possible to defend his movie...

The ACTUAL nominees:
* Will Ferrell - Land of the Lost
* The Jonas Brothers (as themselves) - Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience
* Steve Martin - The Pink Panther 2
* Eddie Murphy - Imagine That
* John Travolta - Old Dogs

Score: 2/5


Worst Actress
* Beyonce - Obsessed (19% RT)
* Sandra Bullock - All About Steve
* Miley Cyrus - Hannah Montana: The Movie (44% RT)
* Christine DeMarco - C Me Dance
* Megan Fox - Jennifer's Body / Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
* Katherine Heigl - The Ugly Truth
* Kate Hudson - Bride Wars (12% RT)
* Sarah Jessica Parker - Did You Hear About the Morgans? (13% RT)
* Michelle Rodriguez - Fast & Furious (28% RT)
* Hilary Swank - Amelia (20% RT)
* Nia Vardalos - I Hate Valentine's Day / My Life in Ruins (14% RT/ 10% RT)
* Renee Zellweger - New in Town (18% RT)

Final 5:
Beyonce - Obsessed- Yes, we DO want crazy, but you definitely can't show us crazy.
Sandra Bullock - All About Steve- She's just as much a lock for this as she is for an Oscar nod this year.
Megan Fox - Jennifer's Body / Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen- That bod deserves an honorary Oscar, but when it comes to delivering lines... (though Jennifer's Body really wasn't that bad)
Katherine Heigl - The Ugly Truth- So apparently Knocked Up is misogynistic, but this film's messages are perfectly acceptable, am I getting that right Ms. Heigl?
Nia Vardalos - I Hate Valentine's Day / My Life in Ruins- Strike two, strike three, her career is outta here!

The ACTUAL nominees:
* Beyonce - Obsessed
* Sandra Bullock - All About Steve
* Miley Cyrus - Hannah Montana: The Movie
* Megan Fox - Jennifer's Body / Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
* Sarah Jessica Parker - Did You Hear About the Morgans?

Score: 3/5


Worst Supporting Actor
* Thomas Haden Church - All About Steve / Imagine That
* John Cleese - The Pink Panther 2
* Billy Ray Cyrus - Hannah Montana: The Movie
* Michael Douglas - Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
* Hugh Hefner (as himself) - Miss March
* Chris Klein - Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li (4% RT)
* Taylor Lautner - The Twilight Saga: New Moon
* Danny McBride - Land of the Lost
* Robert Pattinson - The Twilight Saga: New Moon
* Dennis Quaid - G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
* Ramon Rodriguez - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
* Jorma Taccone - Land of the Lost
* John Turturro - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
* Marlon Wayans - G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Final 5:
Hugh Hefner (as himself) - Miss March- This movie is going to challenge RotF for most nods this year, no doubt. This movie's putridness will drag the Hef down with it simply because he was in it at all.
Chris Klein - Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li- When you ask someone what the worst part of this travesty was, they will say Chris Klein. It's simply too bad to ignore.
Robert Pattinson - The Twilight Saga: New Moon- Even with only 15 minutes of screentime, R. Pats makes enough of a non-impression to make it here. Hey, at least Lautner tried to act!
Ramon Rodriguez - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen- Easily the most annoying character of the HUMAN supporting cast (you know who I`m referring to).
Marlon Wayans - G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra- If it`s Wayans, it has to end up at the Razzies.

The ACTUAL nominees:
* Billy Ray Cyrus - Hannah Montana: The Movie
* Hugh Hefner (as himself) - Miss March
* Robert Pattinson - The Twilight Saga: New Moon
* Jorma Taccone - Land of the Lost
* Marlon Wayans - G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Score: 3/5


Worst Supporting Actress
* Candice Bergen - Bride Wars
* Hilary Duff - What Goes Up (22% RT)
* Carla Gugino - Race to Witch Mountain / The Unborn / Watchmen (43% RT/ 12% RT/ 64% RT)
* Anne Heche - Spread
* Ali Larter - Obsessed
* Sienna Miller - G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
* Kelly Preston - Old Dogs
* Emmy Rossum - Dragonball Evolution
* Yara Shahidi - Imagine That
* Molly Stanton - Miss March
* Sara Jean Underwood (as herself) - Miss March
* Julie White - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Final 5:
Ali Larter - Obsessed- How can someone this hot be this unerotic in an erotic thriller?
Kelly Preston - Old Dogs- No actor is gonna get out of this movie reputation intact. No one.
Emmy Rossum - Dragonball Evolution- For being the second-blandest actor in the movie.
Sara Jean Underwood (as herself) - Miss March- When it comes time to pick which actress from Miss March was worse, I have a feeling the board will go for the Playboy model over a former soap opera actress.
Julie White - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen- Remember the scene where she got high on pot brownies? Yeah, I wish I didn't, either.

The ACTUAL nominees:
* Candice Bergen - Bride Wars
* Ali Larter - Obsessed
* Sienna Miller - G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
* Kelly Preston - Old Dogs
* Julie White - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Score: 3/5


Worst Screenplay
* All About Steve - written by Kim Barker
* Bride Wars - written by Greg DePaul, June Raphael and Casey Wilson
* C Me Dance - written by Greg Robbins
* G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - screenplay by Stuart Beattie, David Elliot and Paul Lovett; story by Beattie, Michael B. Gordon and Stephen Sommers, based on the comic book by Larry Hama
* Imagine That - written by Ed Solomon and Chris Matheson
* Jennifer's Body - written by Diablo Cody
* Land of the Lost - screenplay by Chris Henchy and Dennis McNicholas; based on the television series created by Sid and Marty Krofft
* Miss March - written by Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore
* Old Dogs - written by David Diamond and David Weissman
* The Pink Panther 2 - screenplay by Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber; story by Steve Martin, Neustadter and Weber; based on characters created by Blake Edwards and Maurice Richlin
* Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - screenplay by Ehren Kruger, Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci
* Transylmania - written by Patrick Casey and Worm Miller
* The Twilight Saga: New Moon - screenplay by Melissa Rosenberg; based on the novel by Stephenie Meyer
* Watchmen - screenplay by David Hayter and Alex Tse; based on the comic book created by Dave Gibbons and Alan Moore
* Year One - screenplay by Harold Ramis, Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky; story by Ramis (15% RT)

I`m pretty shocked that The Ugly Truth isn't on here, seeing how it set back women`s rights an entire century.

Final 5:
All About Steve- A lot of things went wrong with this movie, but it could all have been avoided if someone hadn't written it, period.
Jennifer's Body- I don`t personally approve of this, but this almost seems inevitable considering the backlash against Diablo Cody since Juno.
Miss March- This seems like exactly the sort of script any 13 year-old boy would write, and they probably could have done it better.
Old Dogs- The rich man`s Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen- This movie had a script?

The ACTUAL nominees:
* All About Steve
* G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
* Land of the Lost
* Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
* The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Score: 2/5


Worst Screen Couple
* "Any two-buffed up, bone-headed good guys or bad guys" - G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
* Any member of the Jonas Brothers - Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience
* "Any two undead (or brain dead) characters" - Transylmania
* "Any pair of squeaky-voiced CGI chipmunks (male or female)" - Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (21% RT)
* Jack Black and Michael Cera - Year One
* Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper - All About Steve
* Gerard Butler and Katherine Heigl - The Ugly Truth
* Justin Chatwin and any of his dragonballs - Dragonball Evolution
* Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore - Miss March
* Billy Crudup and his "glowing blue bulge" - Watchmen
* Will Ferrell and any co-star, creature or "comic riff" - Land of the Lost
* Shia LeBeouf and either Megan Fox or any transformer - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
* Kristen Stewart and either Taylor Lautner or Robert Pattinson - The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Final 5:
Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper- I`m not even sure if they qualify as a screen couple, since Bradley spends most of the movie trying to get out of it while Sandra acts loopy in a vacuum.
Gerard Butler and Katherine Heigl- It`s ugly, I`ll say that much...
Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore- These two are prepped to do a Razzie sweep on the level of Tom Green by this point.
Shia LeBeouf and either Megan Fox or any transformer- Poor, poor Shia. It`s not his fault Michael Bay can`t direct emotion, human or otherwise.
Kristen Stewart and either Taylor Lautner or Robert Pattinson- The blandest supernatural love triangle since Tara Reid was torn between the affections of Arnold Vosloo and the Swamp Thing.

The ACTUAL nominees:
* Any member of the Jonas Brothers - Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience
* Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper - All About Steve
* Will Ferrell and any co-star, creature or "comic riff" - Land of the Lost
* Shia LeBeouf and either Megan Fox or any Transformer - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
* Kristen Stewart and either Taylor Lautner or Robert Pattinson - The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Score:3/5


Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off or Sequel
* Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
* Dragonball Evolution
* Fast & Furious
* Friday the 13th (26% RT)
* Ghosts of Girlfriends Past [rip-off of A Christmas Carol]
* G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
* Halloween II (21% RT)
*Land of the Lost
* The Pink Panther 2
* Saw VI (45% RT)
* Spread
* Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
* Transylmania
* The Twilight Saga: New Moon

I don`t think anything needs to be said about the 5 choices below.

Final 5 picks:
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
Dragonball Evolution
Halloween II
The Pink Panther 2
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

The ACTUAL nominees:
* G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
* Land of the Lost
* The Pink Panther 2
* Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
* The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Score: 2/5

TOTAL SCORE: 24/45
Wow, I... failed miserably, apparently. Not that I shouldn't have guessed, but still...
A few thoughts:
What the hell happened to Miss March?! Honest to fucking God, its reviews are even worse than any of the other films that made it on there (even All About Steve!), AND it had the potential to absolutely sweep these things- Cregger and Moore would have been (jointly) nominated for Worst Picture, Actor, Director, Screenplay, and Screen Couple! That would be a sweep on par with Tom Green's Freddy Got Fingered, but instead it got all but shut out completely! Dragonball I could expect to get away scot-free since no one saw it, but Miss March could have been historic! Come on! (To be fair, Old Dogs and All About Steve had already called the "shitty comedy" slots).
And instead they nominated G.I Joe and Land of the Lost. For almost everything. Land of the Lost was indeed a steaming pile of failure, AND it was one of the biggest box-office bombs of 2009, but there were simply more deserving candidates methinks! (Looking at the past, I think they love to kick big stars like Will Ferrell when they're down- just look at Bewitched) And G.I. Joe, while incredibly stupid, cheesy, and cartoonish, was actually fairly entertaining, something that Transformers could not manage.Yeah, yeah, pick me apart all you want, but you know there's more deserving stuff out there.
(Aside #2- if Marlon Wayans is in anything, anything at all, the Razzies will go crazy for it)

Leave your thoughts below!