Jason is THE Guy to Review "Friday the 13th-Killer Cut" Blu-Ray

...And it all comes down to this. (Our) Jason has been there for us all along. He's reviewed Friday the 13th chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. And if they release the next 4, I'm sure he'll review those too. The man is...a machine. So it comes as no surprise that our Jason is the go-to guy to review the new Jason. Let 'er rip...

Purists get all up in arms about these kinds of things. They see remakes as affronts to fandom, a blight on cinema. Sure, it betrays a lack of originality on the part of Hollywood, but remakes are harmless, really. They don't soil anything pure. They don't erase 90 minutes of history with blasphemous balefire. They're cover songs. Nothing more. At worst, you've got a wretched movie that makes people want to see the original. At best? You've got a flick that surpasses the original. Before you get all up in arms and call me a heretic, I'd like to remind you of 'The Thing'. In this case, they're remaking 'Friday the 13th'. They're not going anywhere near 'Lawrence of Arabia' or 'Star Wars'.

Strangely, Jason's maiden voyage into the remake sea covers a lot of ground. They don't settle for any one film. This one is a hodgepodge of Fridays 1,2, and 3, and even borrows elements from 4. In the opening moments, the entire back story is covered - Jason's drowning, the murders at the Camp Crystal Lake, and Pamela Voorhees' decapitation. They do away with all of that silly expository garbage and get right to the killin'. They know what people want and they're willing to serve it up in giant, dripping buckets.

It is what it is. This is a 'Friday the 13th' movie, and nothing more. They took all of the elements that made the series legendary and just recycled them with a shiny new coat of red paint. The go-to guy for horror remakes, Marcus Nispel, is at the helm and the similarities between this and his remake of 'The Texas Chain Saw Massacre' are striking. In fact, the two are almost interchangeable. Teens in search of the reefer wander off into the wrong place and get hacked up by a retarded hillbilly. That's the story! I'm completely ok with that. Nispel even brings along Daniel Pearl and his lush cinematography (which in 1080p is damned stunning). The two films exist almost entirely within the same universe. The visual atmosphere rivals or even trumps most major Hollywood releases, creating a heightened reality that adheres to the language of horror films.

Unfortunately, it's so familiar with that language that it doesn't stray from it. There's nothing new here. It doesn't even attempt to approve on the formula. In fact, it misses the mark on the kills. There's nothing inventive. They went more for brutality than creativity. That's fine really, as the latter can tend to get precious, but fans tend to expect a level of ingenuity from their favorite sociopathic mongoloid. What they miss in creative kills, they make up for in exposed tits. And tits and tits and tits. If you're showing up straight from 1990 and have never experienced the internet, this will really float your boat.

Oh, and apparently, Jason is a ninja. In the past, he inexplicably caught up to anyone who ran from him. Now that fucker can teleport, vault onto rooftops, and be in two places at once. He's amazing.

SPECIAL FEATURES:
-First and perhaps most importantly, it should be noted that there are 2 versions included here - the theatrical version and the 'killer cut'. Honestly, the theatrical version is just fine. There are more exposed breasts and the shots linger on the kills a bit more, but little else is there. There is, however, a scene of Jason having a flashback and then a temper tantrum. They could have left that in the deleted scenes.

-A PIP trivia track that plays during the film. I love this kind of stuff. It really makes the Blu-Ray experience worthwhile.

-Hacking Back/Slashing Forward - the cast and crew share their memories of the Jason franchise.

-The Rebirth of Jason Voorhees - A behind the scenes featurette explaining some of the decisions made regarding updating the Jason legend.

-The 7 Best Kills - An illustration of 'how they did it'. These guys are very proud of themselves. Meanwhile, Tom Savini is somewhere, just shaking his head at these amateurs.

=Deleted Scenes - Some of these are actually moderately interesting, including an alternate take of how Jason gets the hockey mask.

It's worth a watch if you need a Friday fix. There are boobs and drugs and brutal murders, highlighted by a few slight moments of creepiness. Lots of folks I talked to after the initial screening forgot something rather important - that it's a Friday the 13th movie. They went on and on about how it wasn't as good as the originals. They apparently weren't paying attention to the last 11 times Jason made his way to the silver screen.

Click Here to Buy Friday the 13th (Extended Killer Cut and Theatrical Cut)