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Jason is THE Guy to Review "Friday the 13th-Killer Cut" Blu-Ray

...And it all comes down to this. (Our) Jason has been there for us all along. He's reviewed Friday the 13th chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. And if they release the next 4, I'm sure he'll review those too. The man is...a machine. So it comes as no surprise that our Jason is the go-to guy to review the new Jason. Let 'er rip...

Purists get all up in arms about these kinds of things. They see remakes as affronts to fandom, a blight on cinema. Sure, it betrays a lack of originality on the part of Hollywood, but remakes are harmless, really. They don't soil anything pure. They don't erase 90 minutes of history with blasphemous balefire. They're cover songs. Nothing more. At worst, you've got a wretched movie that makes people want to see the original. At best? You've got a flick that surpasses the original. Before you get all up in arms and call me a heretic, I'd like to remind you of 'The Thing'. In this case, they're remaking 'Friday the 13th'. They're not going anywhere near 'Lawrence of Arabia' or 'Star Wars'.

Strangely, Jason's maiden voyage into the remake sea covers a lot of ground. They don't settle for any one film. This one is a hodgepodge of Fridays 1,2, and 3, and even borrows elements from 4. In the opening moments, the entire back story is covered - Jason's drowning, the murders at the Camp Crystal Lake, and Pamela Voorhees' decapitation. They do away with all of that silly expository garbage and get right to the killin'. They know what people want and they're willing to serve it up in giant, dripping buckets.

It is what it is. This is a 'Friday the 13th' movie, and nothing more. They took all of the elements that made the series legendary and just recycled them with a shiny new coat of red paint. The go-to guy for horror remakes, Marcus Nispel, is at the helm and the similarities between this and his remake of 'The Texas Chain Saw Massacre' are striking. In fact, the two are almost interchangeable. Teens in search of the reefer wander off into the wrong place and get hacked up by a retarded hillbilly. That's the story! I'm completely ok with that. Nispel even brings along Daniel Pearl and his lush cinematography (which in 1080p is damned stunning). The two films exist almost entirely within the same universe. The visual atmosphere rivals or even trumps most major Hollywood releases, creating a heightened reality that adheres to the language of horror films.

Unfortunately, it's so familiar with that language that it doesn't stray from it. There's nothing new here. It doesn't even attempt to approve on the formula. In fact, it misses the mark on the kills. There's nothing inventive. They went more for brutality than creativity. That's fine really, as the latter can tend to get precious, but fans tend to expect a level of ingenuity from their favorite sociopathic mongoloid. What they miss in creative kills, they make up for in exposed tits. And tits and tits and tits. If you're showing up straight from 1990 and have never experienced the internet, this will really float your boat.

Oh, and apparently, Jason is a ninja. In the past, he inexplicably caught up to anyone who ran from him. Now that fucker can teleport, vault onto rooftops, and be in two places at once. He's amazing.

SPECIAL FEATURES:
-First and perhaps most importantly, it should be noted that there are 2 versions included here - the theatrical version and the 'killer cut'. Honestly, the theatrical version is just fine. There are more exposed breasts and the shots linger on the kills a bit more, but little else is there. There is, however, a scene of Jason having a flashback and then a temper tantrum. They could have left that in the deleted scenes.

-A PIP trivia track that plays during the film. I love this kind of stuff. It really makes the Blu-Ray experience worthwhile.

-Hacking Back/Slashing Forward - the cast and crew share their memories of the Jason franchise.

-The Rebirth of Jason Voorhees - A behind the scenes featurette explaining some of the decisions made regarding updating the Jason legend.

-The 7 Best Kills - An illustration of 'how they did it'. These guys are very proud of themselves. Meanwhile, Tom Savini is somewhere, just shaking his head at these amateurs.

=Deleted Scenes - Some of these are actually moderately interesting, including an alternate take of how Jason gets the hockey mask.

It's worth a watch if you need a Friday fix. There are boobs and drugs and brutal murders, highlighted by a few slight moments of creepiness. Lots of folks I talked to after the initial screening forgot something rather important - that it's a Friday the 13th movie. They went on and on about how it wasn't as good as the originals. They apparently weren't paying attention to the last 11 times Jason made his way to the silver screen.

Click Here to Buy Friday the 13th (Extended Killer Cut and Theatrical Cut)

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Comment by coolerthanu on July 6, 2009 at 7:32pm: Yeah I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. Course I'm a FAN of the series. Ever since New Line bought Jason they had two strikes (9 and 10), 1 hit but not a home run (FvsJ) and for me a home run (remake). There were some new stuff and the kills looked pretty cool and the girls were hot! Alot of people say "it didn't do anything different" but it's a simple story anyway and i saw some new stuff. In any case nowhere near as bad as 9 and 10.

Comment by Dr. Detfink on June 29, 2009 at 5:43pm: I just wonder, these unstoppable killing machines...what's the shelf life on the re-make? I think these re-boots run out of steam a lot faster.

Comment by Gabriel on June 28, 2009 at 4:07pm: It's the best Friday the 13th in my opinion because I just can't watch the originals, they're so outdated. This film was fun though. Definitely had flaws but when I saw it in cinemas I had a good time. I probably wont have as much of a good time with it on home video, but who knows.

Comment by PFreaky PFister on June 28, 2009 at 9:45am: this movie was just a hi-res version of all the other Friday the 13th films, nothing special

Comment by chambers of death on June 27, 2009 at 1:21pm: now that i have teenage boys i see why they make these kind of movies.fucking dumbass teens think they no everything but dont no shit.

Comment by Charles Ponzi on June 27, 2009 at 10:24am: this was an *okay* movie, but the gore was stupid and not original at all, which IMO was the whole beauty of the series, I walked into the movie saying to myself: "okay, show me something I haven't seen.." like killing someone sleeping in a sleeping-bag , or Jason going to hell or something.. oh wait..!

Comment by larry on June 27, 2009 at 4:17am: granted this was a pretty good version of jason reign of terror and murder, but i still stand by my originals anyday,anytime,any decade.nothing beats the originals pamela vorhees crazy ass mama on acid who ill slice your ass to bits while smiling from ear to ear''.betsy palmer owns the role of jasons mother,those cheesy actresses in freddy vs jason,and now this remake, never get mama jason as good as betsy palmer did.she wipes the floor with them. jason finding the hockey mask in a barn didn't blend as well as in the originals part 3,when he killed that pesky prankster and took his hockey mask.jasons now faster, and can appear anywhere, so what, its called adding something pointless and unnessasary to the plot''.jasons already bad ass, he doesn't need to run, or perform kung-fu kills,all in all i'll give this a b- rating, where the original gets an a+. as for the upcoming sequel set in the snow?thats so corny'' whats jason gonna do, kill santa for not bringing him a bigger axe? or better yet, sip hot cocoa by the fire with rudolph and kill campers who dont sing christmas carols like his mommy did when he was a wee lil jason??????? excuse me while i lose my lunch..............

Comment by -n8 on June 26, 2009 at 10:05pm: Jason wrote: "The 7 Best Kills - An illustration of 'how they did it'. These guys are very proud of themselves. Meanwhile, Tom Savini is somewhere, just shaking his head at these amateurs."

hahahah. Fuckin' A.

Good review Jason.

Comment by Ironhide667 on June 26, 2009 at 7:27pm: Well damn Jason you did it I had no intention to watch this one until reading this review....adding to Netflix now.

Comment by David on June 26, 2009 at 6:34pm: One of the top three Friday The 13th films. It was very successful at what it was shooting for. Heck, I even liked some of the kids. I LOVED the douche bag character, who officially has the best scream in all of horror.