If it's crap ... We'll tell you
Well, not really. One post does not a blog make.
I mean, I have the ability to write one, but the inclination? The idea of keeping a daily blog has about the same appeal to me as having sex with a herp-infested sea urchin on fire that wears the same hat as Carlyle. On a lava island full of killer robots that hate brown people. But that's not to say I won't pop in here from time to time to lay some wet hot knowledge into unplowed minds. I just won't do it regularly.
If you do want to stay regular, and can't get enough of my sticky sweetness (or cock and vag jokes), follow me on twitter at twitter.com/johnrubio
And tell your worthless friends. I'm serious. Did you see the size I made the fucking font? Font size: That's how you know motherfuckers mean business.
Then, make out with a stranger and send me money. Except for don't make out with strangers that don't want to make out with you back, which means don't make out with anyone that isn't your hand. And then send me money (the money part is the important part). Like twenty dollars, times dicks.
Oh! And I have a fan club, which is even more proof that people shouldn't drink antifreeze when they're pregnant. Join it here: http://my.spill.com/group/johnrubiofans
Do you have a fan club? Didn't think so. And if you did, it wouldn't rock half as hard as mine does, even if there are only 3 people in it, including me. My mom might be one of the other ones, but they haven't posted tit pics yet, so I can't confirm.
Also, me being a psychic brown**, I know you're thinking, "When are we going to get a John Rubio FAQ?" Well, once I get some good questions, I'll fucking make one. And now you're thinking, "But, Rubio, wouldn't you know what we were going to ask anyway, being a psychic brown and all?" Well, I wasn't goddamned talking to you. Take it up with my lawyer *flips birdfinger at whatever asshole thought that shit.* GOTTAGO.
** I am not a psychic brown. Any similarities between John Rubio and an actual psychic brown are purely coincidental, especially since psychics don't exist, and anyone claiming to be an actual psychic are either delusional or lying. Plus you can only either be a psychic brown or a SEXVERINE™, and when it came time to pick, I obviously chose SEXVERINE™, because really, why wouldn't I. It's a fucking sex wolverine for fuck's sake.