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Well, not really. One post does not a blog make.

 

I mean, I have the ability to write one, but the inclination? The idea of keeping a daily blog has about the same appeal to me as having sex with a herp-infested sea urchin on fire that wears the same hat as Carlyle. On a lava island full of killer robots that hate brown people. But that's not to say I won't pop in here from time to time to lay some wet hot knowledge into unplowed minds. I just won't do it regularly.

 

If you do want to stay regular, and can't get enough of my sticky sweetness (or cock and vag jokes), follow me on twitter at twitter.com/johnrubio

 

And tell your worthless friends. I'm serious. Did you see the size I made the fucking font? Font size: That's how you know motherfuckers mean business.

 

Then, make out with a stranger and send me money. Except for don't make out with strangers that don't want to make out with you back, which means don't make out with anyone that isn't your hand. And then send me money (the money part is the important part). Like twenty dollars, times dicks.

 

Oh! And I have a fan club, which is even more proof that people shouldn't drink antifreeze when they're pregnant. Join it here: http://my.spill.com/group/johnrubiofans

 

Do you have a fan club? Didn't think so. And if you did, it wouldn't rock half as hard as mine does, even if there are only 3 people in it, including me. My mom might be one of the other ones, but they haven't posted tit pics yet, so I can't confirm.

 

Also, me being a psychic brown**, I know you're thinking, "When are we going to get a John Rubio FAQ?" Well, once I get some good questions, I'll fucking make one. And now you're thinking, "But, Rubio, wouldn't you know what we were going to ask anyway, being a psychic brown and all?" Well, I wasn't goddamned talking to you. Take it up with my lawyer *flips birdfinger at whatever asshole thought that shit.* GOTTAGO.

 

*Ninja Smoke*

 

 

 

 

** I am not a psychic brown. Any similarities between John Rubio and an actual psychic brown are purely coincidental, especially since psychics don't exist, and anyone claiming to be an actual psychic are either delusional or lying. Plus you can only either be a psychic brown or a SEXVERINE™, and when it came time to pick, I obviously chose SEXVERINE™, because really, why wouldn't I. It's a fucking sex wolverine for fuck's sake.

Views: 125

Tags: balls, birdfinger, brown, dicks, jetpacks, psychics, rubio, urchins

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Comment by Russ on April 17, 2011 at 12:46am
Pimped it!
Comment by John Rubio on April 17, 2011 at 12:34am

jochem: SEXVERENES™ have like 5 adamantium dicks.

 

Crystal Cunt: I FUCKING LOVE THAT.

 

Conejita: IT'S A DEAL. Limber the fuck up.

Comment by Conejita on April 15, 2011 at 8:00pm

@John Rubio

 

I've been told I make epic sandwiches. :) 

Comment by Daxter on April 15, 2011 at 1:40pm

What the Dick? i didn't knew that Rubio could write full sentences.

and if you were realy psychic you would have known nobody cares about that FAQ but i like to know where i can find those tit pics you were talking about.

A SEXVERINE does have an adamantium dick right?

Comment by John Rubio on April 15, 2011 at 11:00am

MetalVirgin: THAT the fuck.

 

Hey It's Melvin: The shit hit the fucking jetpack turbine.

 

Amia: You think that because you haven't read the next one, which is more on how awesome I am.

 

QbanKnight: As long as you follow it with -John "twitter.com/johnrubio" Rubio

 

Meksicano: I wish Cunty Christ was a thing.

 

gripmonster: Never even played it, but now I know I don't have to, since it's all happening in my head, 24/7.

 

Chucky G: Stick around, and you'll probably learn more about biology than you ever hoped. Epididymis.

 

Conejita: I hope the position is the one where you make me a sammich afterward.

 

JamesB: YESFUCKOH.

 

Chris Porter: Still waiting for the shut the fuck up.

 

C.H. Gorog: Just pretend every fuckword and cuntword is pronounced "ZOINKS," and you'll still get into heaven.

 

Comment by C.H. Gorog on April 15, 2011 at 10:17am
Didn't read. Too many swear words.
Comment by Chris Porter on April 15, 2011 at 9:24am
Still waiting for the Faq.
Comment by JamesB on April 15, 2011 at 9:21am
Oh fuck yes
Comment by Conejita on April 15, 2011 at 6:16am

The only John Rubio fan club I'll be a part of is the one in my pants, and there's a yet unfilled position for you.

 

Too much?

Comment by Meksicano on April 15, 2011 at 2:37am
Oh my cunty christ.

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