Movie Spoilers Episode 61
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'G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra' Review
Movie: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Author: Leon
Real American Heroes. When All Else Fails, They Don't
It’s the same Hasbro toy-based cartoon from your over-commercialized childhood brought to life on the big screen just as you’ve been begging for it! Well, maybe not exactly the same…The relationships between the characters aren’t exactly the same and this time the ‘Joes’ and Cobra Commandos actually hit the targets they aim for…but otherwise, it’s the same sensibilities you loved from the 80s G. I. Joe cartoons.
When the Baroness (Sienna Miller) steals a weapon of mass destruction, her ex-boyfriend, Duke (Channing Tatum) and his obligatory African-American best friend, Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) are recruited by Gen. Hawk (Dennis Quaid) to join his army of supermodels in their secret *wink* underground base where they play videogames and laser tag to train for missions to kick-ass, wear Halo suits, destroy lots of private property and national monuments and if there’s still time, stop Destro (Christopher Eccleston) from taking over the world.
…That’s sounds pretty much like the old cartoon, right?
I would be remiss as a movie critic if didn’t begin by telling you that this G.I. Joe movie is dumb. D-U-M-B. Also the acting is pretty bad and there are plenty of places where the special effects are laughable. It reminded me more of a non-satirical version of Team America: World Police than anything else.
…Now that I got that out of the way, I can confess that I still kinda enjoyed it. What can I tell you? Transformers 2 beat me down and showed me just how crass, muddled and just plain awful a movie based on a toy line can be. G.I.Joe is stupid, sure, but it plays within the boundaries it sets. It’s fun, moves at a quick pace and seems genuinely concerned with pleasing its audience or at least not be boring or insulting in an obnoxious way.
I’m not a fan of Stephen Sommer’s movies (The Mummy), but this is probably my favorite of his. And while I’m already damning it with faint praise (it doesn’t deserve more than that), I’ll just leave with an ad quote: “If you only see one movie based on a cartoon based on a toy, G.I.Joe should be the one.”
Though I couldn’t imagine watching it more than once.
Go Joe!
RATING: Rental (high)
What did the rest of the crew think?
Korey: Rental
Cyrus: Rental
Author: Leon
It’s the same Hasbro toy-based cartoon from your over-commercialized childhood brought to life on the big screen just as you’ve been begging for it! Well, maybe not exactly the same…The relationships between the characters aren’t exactly the same and this time the ‘Joes’ and Cobra Commandos actually hit the targets they aim for…but otherwise, it’s the same sensibilities you loved from the 80s G. I. Joe cartoons.When the Baroness (Sienna Miller) steals a weapon of mass destruction, her ex-boyfriend, Duke (Channing Tatum) and his obligatory African-American best friend, Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) are recruited by Gen. Hawk (Dennis Quaid) to join his army of supermodels in their secret *wink* underground base where they play videogames and laser tag to train for missions to kick-ass, wear Halo suits, destroy lots of private property and national monuments and if there’s still time, stop Destro (Christopher Eccleston) from taking over the world.
…That’s sounds pretty much like the old cartoon, right?
I would be remiss as a movie critic if didn’t begin by telling you that this G.I. Joe movie is dumb. D-U-M-B. Also the acting is pretty bad and there are plenty of places where the special effects are laughable. It reminded me more of a non-satirical version of Team America: World Police than anything else.
…Now that I got that out of the way, I can confess that I still kinda enjoyed it. What can I tell you? Transformers 2 beat me down and showed me just how crass, muddled and just plain awful a movie based on a toy line can be. G.I.Joe is stupid, sure, but it plays within the boundaries it sets. It’s fun, moves at a quick pace and seems genuinely concerned with pleasing its audience or at least not be boring or insulting in an obnoxious way.
I’m not a fan of Stephen Sommer’s movies (The Mummy), but this is probably my favorite of his. And while I’m already damning it with faint praise (it doesn’t deserve more than that), I’ll just leave with an ad quote: “If you only see one movie based on a cartoon based on a toy, G.I.Joe should be the one.”
Though I couldn’t imagine watching it more than once.
Go Joe!
RATING: Rental (high)
What did the rest of the crew think?
Korey: Rental
Cyrus: Rental
Comment
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Comment by Tom Munday on January 30, 2010 at 9:50am -
low full price, this movie was surprisingly awesome!
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Comment by The Movie Master on October 30, 2009 at 2:03pm -
SOME O'L BULLSHIT
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Comment by samuel chris lois on August 10, 2009 at 1:44am -
i was thinking of renting it anyway
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Comment by Brandon Powell on August 9, 2009 at 11:39pm -
I want a part 2
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Comment by THE Don THE SHO 'GUN OF SPILL on August 9, 2009 at 8:10am -
They just needed the fucking theme and the yell of COBRA and cant wait to see what carlyle says
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Comment by THE Don THE SHO 'GUN OF SPILL on August 9, 2009 at 8:07am
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The cobra commander baroness thing threw me off cuz that connection is suppose to between her and snake eyes and i already know how they are going to make a sequel and i wish cobra commander had the hood instead his see through mask and what they did to storm shadow sucked unless they put him with nanomites and cobra commander reason for being evil through me off kinda wish levitt took it seriously kinda destroys his candenacy as the new joker
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Comment by Daxter on August 9, 2009 at 5:33am -
Now i know the movie isnt great, and knowing is half the battle
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Comment by Mr. Robinson on August 9, 2009 at 3:00am -
I really enjoyed the movie, but I do see all of the points you guys made during your audio review. I do agree that a lot of the effects weren't that great and it made the CGI gophers in Indiana Jones IV look believable.
I would give it a Matinee!
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Comment by nogimmickneeded on August 9, 2009 at 2:22am
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I am waiting for everyone to compare it to star wars.... and I tells ya why...
(spoilers)
when snake eyes (ray park aka darth maul) and storm shadow are fighting and storm shadow joined his two swords together.... I was like "really.... just.... really"?
then after snake eyes kills storm shadow he falls down a large shaft that's lined with lightning ala return of the Jedi and the emperor.
also the under water base that has a single big ass gun taking everything out (death star) is destroyed by a single shot (an exhaust port no bigger then a wamp rat)
the love story at the end with scarlet and ripcord... she is basically giving the Leah speech... I kept waiting for him to say "I know" then get frozen in carbonite.
I'm not gunna compare it to the cartoon... even though I have the entire series on DVD and still have my action figures displayed in my art studio.... but.... its true when they said it was Team America 2
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Comment by Shegaw on August 9, 2009 at 12:22am -
I guess knowing is in fact half the battle (the other half being gratuitous collateral damage). I reserved judgment until I saw it (though omitting critical screenings and poor focus group tests made me less than hopeful). It did feel like a live action Team America with bad acting and confusingly bad effects at times. Still, it didn't think down on its audience in respect to humor (unlock Transformers) and like Leon said, "played within the boundaries it set". It has plot holes but, at least I had fun talking about it after. See it but, don't pay full ticket costs.
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