By the look of the ol’ pocket watch my dad’s friend hid in his ass for two years and gave to me, it’s time for another inspiring taste of Freeform Anger. But tonight, I’m not sure how angry I’m going to get.

The almost-feature length animated film Dead Space: Downfall wormed its way to the top of my Netflix instant queue, and we’re going to bask in its gory, gory glory. This is a prequel to the EA Game Dead Space, which was freakin’ awesome and one of the scariest games I’ve ever played (A title that will likely never be wrested from Silent Hill 2).

I haven’t heard a whole lot about this flick, which means my anger may be nebulous. Let’s fire up the projector I stole from the local theater and check it out, here we go.

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You’d think they get better television reception in the future.
Smells to me this is the plot of Doom with larger, silly-looking space suits.

Oh GOD not an E34?!

A monolith? An… (pinky to mouth) Evil Monolith?

Event Hori- Er, I mean, Dead Space.

ODD? You’ve got a dozen people mutilated and you say “ODD?” Lady, you need a vacation.

Yeah! I want to curse for no reason too!

Why the hell does everyone have the glowy Cylon spine things? It makes sense in the game, but do you REALLY
want people to know your health level?

IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZOR

They’re pulling the planet apart? This is the poor man’s Death Star here.

That looks cool, but Isaac Newton is spinning in his grave right now.

He punched out all his blood!

Usually when 2 dozen people kill themselves, you phone that into home base. These guys ain’t havin’ no part of that
shit.

Dude, lay off the Special K.

Something… terrible... happening…must… investigate… further…

The 3D effects in the game were better than this.

BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL

Wow, it’s Jonestown in space.

Church…? Unitologists? This isn’t the most subtle of satires, gentlemen.

That nice crazy lady with her head half-off just ate that other man. This reminds me of a Muppet Babies episode.

Oh that can’t be good…

Is he going to throw a water fountain through a window now?

Alien + Dawn of the Dead = Pretty cool, actually.

This explains why there weren’t any goddamn guns in the game. These guys put 12,000 bullets into everything that
twitches.

That was one of the most fucked-up things I’ve ever seen in a cartoon. And I saw Fritz the Cat. Four times. Today.

This shit is just GROSS.

Why does everyone these days hate the steadicam?

LIGHTSABER CHAINSAW FUCK YEAH

Diagnosis: We’re Boned™.

This is what happens when you let crazy run a giant spaceship that eats planets.

AAAAHHHHHHHH FUCK ME RUNNING

Scriptwriting class teaches you “How To Make It Worse.” This is a fine take on that theory.

Hydroponics lab. Far out, man.

Is that a fetus eating that dude? CHRIST IT IS.

The violence in this movie makes Heavy Metal look like an episode of My Little Pony.

OH COME ON

I’m just a man. A man with a fucking lightsaber chainsaw.

Who are you, Jack Bauer? You’re RUNNING OUT OF TIME

This seems like a statement on organized religion. Or just a giant bag of delicious nuttiness.

The fuck is going on?

Tie it all back, boys, tie it all back.

Damn…

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You know what? This was pretty good. Off the top of my head I can’t think of any animated horror movies, and this worked for me. The animation was a little iffy at times, and the violence was completely over the top, but after a
slow start Dead Space: Downfall is pretty fucking good. It certainly sets up the game well, which I imagine is the
point.

The director, Chuck Patton, has a decent pedigree with the HBO Spawn series, so he knows how to do animated
flicks. And the tension works well for what I expected to be a half-assed video game tie-in. It could have used some
more action in the first half, but the second half is really damn good.

The one point I have to protest is the outrageous violence. There are people being split in half, brains falling out,
intestines, and gore you really can’t find in any movie, animated or not. It’s pretty stomach-churning, but that’s how
it is in the game, and it disturbs in the right way.

But like I said, it’s totally worth watching, especially if you dig the video game. And hey, it’s on Netflix instant
queue, so what do you have to lose?

Final Score: Lightsaber Chainsaws will rock your shit. Watch this movie.

Now I have to go buy the game again since I pawned it off when I was unemployed. Farktoid out.