If it's crap ... We'll tell you
Oh, Hollywood. For every 'District 9' or 'Inception' you surprise us with, there are literally dozens of regurgitated piles of offal that get served up on a steaming platter. Case in point:
Former choreographer Kenny Ortega has effectively circled his career by being offered the chance to helm Lionsgate's remake of the 1987 Patrick Swayze film 'Dirty Dancing'. Ortega - who began his career by creating the hip-grinding dances for the original film - has signed a deal with the studio to revamp the dance classic for modern audiences, no doubt utilizing 3D and/or a fair share of tween-sensation stars (perhaps a few cast members from his previous work on 'High School Musical 1 & 2'?). "The opportunity to direct Dirty Dancing is like returning home for me," Ortega states, "I am looking forward to assembling a great creative team and an exciting cast to bring Dirty Dancing to the screen for a new generation".
Didn't you just love 'The Smurfs'? Wait... you didn't? Too bad, because Sony has announced that they will be making 'Smurfs 2' anyway and has set the release date for August 2nd, 2013. The second installment in the live-action-meets-CG retread will be again produced by Jordan Kerner and they hope to bring back much of the previous voice cast. The decision to move forward with another film was easy for the studio after 'The Smurfs' very nearly beat out the much-more-anticipated 'Cowboys & Aliens' during it's opening weekend, and has since gone on to amass over $135 million dollars worldwide. Hopefully, they take our advice and make the second film a no-holds-barred zombie action film...
Along the lines of beloved childhood cartoons being brought into the real world, 'G.I. Joe 2: Retaliation' is still marching it's way towards theaters, with cast members Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Adrienne Palicki, Ray Stevenson, and RZA all participating in stunt and weapons training for the film. In recent news, veteran actor Bruce Willis has entered talks with Paramount to appear in the film as General Joe Colton - the man who originally founded the team in the 80's comic books and whose nickname - "G.I. Joe" - later became the spec op team's codename. The film is scheduled to begin shooting later this month, with a release date of June 29th, 2012.
And last but most definitely least, Paul W.S. Anderson has announced that he will indeed be helming the fifth entry in the 'Resident Evil' film series, entitled 'Resident Evil: Retribution'. Wife/muse Milla Jovovich will also be returning to reprise her role as Alice, while other members may be getting recast for the production including Sienna Guillory (who played Jill Valentine). Anderson will be directing from his own script, so prepare for at least one scene of Jovovich wearing little to nothing, and looooots of slow motion. The film is prepping to shoot in October, and will reportedly take Alice all the way "from Toronto, Canada to Tokyo, Japan".
So, out of these upcoming films... which is the most "Do Not Want"iest? (and yes that's a word - I just coined it)