Here’s what you need to make an awesome action movie: a badass hero, lots of hot women (I can’t emphasize that enough), and fuckloads of blood. That’s what Robert Rodriguez used and look how well it worked out for him!

What started out as a fake trailer for a fake movie slowly evolved into a very real and very badass action flick. As part of his Grindhouse project with Quentin Tarantino, Rodriguez made a trailer for a movie called Machete, which featured Danny Trejo kicking mountains of ass with (wait for it…) a machete. Now, after years of development, the trailer is now a full-length movie, and Trejo reprises his role as the titular character, a guy who’s out for revenge after some bad guy kills his family and eventually helps a whole bunch of people.

Wow. Fuck that Inception crap, THIS is the most original story of the year.

Let’s start with the cast: there’s Michelle Rodriguez playing a badass chick trying to start a Mexican revolution. There’s Jessica Alba, the incredibly hot U.S. Immigration agent who’s on Machete’s case. There’s that kid from Spy Kids, who’s a wanksta. There’s Robert De Niro, a George W. Bush wannabe who hates wetbacks and will do whatever it takes to get them off American soil. And last but not least, Steven Seagal, the villain of the picture. There are of course other notable actors (Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin, Lindsay Lohan(?!), etc.), but pretty much everyone in this movie is awesome. My personal favorite character is Steven Seagal’s; his character is just so evil and badass that I wish he was in the film a bit more than he was (which I’ll address later).

Yes, the movie has some downright insane action scenes. Yes, this movie does have a lot of amazingly hot (and occasionally nude) women. That’s to be expected of a B-movie-style movie. But I gotta say that, even still, the story is a bit wack. It starts off pretty straightforward, but as it progresses, it turns into somewhat of a clusterfuck; you have trouble truly understanding what the fuck is going on. For example, it seems like the final battle between Machete and Steven Seagal was thrown in because they forgot that he was in the movie. Also, all of the storylines don’t really get resolved in a clever or entertaining way (except for Robert De Niro’s).

OVERALL: It’s a very entertaining action flick, but nothing much more. Still, I say check it out.

RATING: 4 out of 5