Cyrus Presents Jason reviewing Jason in "Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter" DVD

Nothing like the big smile you see on Jason's face when you hand him a whole stack of re-released Friday the 13th movies. Almost makes up for all the other crap I make him review. Probably not quite. Here's the first of a couple F13 reviews from Jason himself. *Note to self* Hide machetes during next LEOG recording

If I told you that Corey Feldman once fought Jason Voorhees, you’d think I was making some ironic joke about the 1980’s. Then you might make a Knight Rider vs Christine reference, or even something as absurd as Freddy slashing up the cast of 21 Jump Street. But mine would be true. It happened. It’s canon. While re-watching it, in a surreal moment that came over me like a Thailand tsunami, it hit me: Corey Feldman fought Jason fucking Voorhees. AND Crispin Glover shows up to kick the movie in the ass.

The fourth installment in the series, and initially intended to be the final entry, picks up mere moments after the 3rd ends. Obviously, the camp at Crystal Lake looks like Normandy Beach, and Jason, with his shiny new hockey mask, lay dead on the floor of the barn. In the first signs of becoming the unstoppable mutilation machine he’s known as, Jason carves his way out of the town morgue and goes home to encounter the Jarvis family, namely young Tommy, and a houseful of horny teenagers. Do I need to describe the rest? When variables like that are fed into an equation, the result is always the same.

Everything about this flick embraces the circus of carnage the series became. It knows where its bread is buttered. From the literally explosive opening credits to the knife-through-the-eye poster, each element is pure carnival barker showmanship. It’s an epic end to the first arc of the Jason saga, even if the coffin wasn’t strong enough to hold the series. You get everything you want here: an omnipresent Jason, horny teens, unfettered breasts, stormy nights, a body count, and Tom Savini summoning horror from a bucket of latex and syrup. The gore is certainly the thing here, which is a shame since the bulk of it is excised from the final cut. Even for a "Friday" film, its surprisingly restrained. The real bloodletting doesn’t kick in until over an hour into the film. That said, when the shit hits the machete, Savini leaves it all up on the stage. The moment of Jason’s demise is a highpoint of the gore guru’s career, only to be topped by a few scenes in "Day of the Dead". It’s also Jason’s best death ever.

Aside from all of the hacking and screaming and dying, "The Final Chapter" is just weird. I don’t mean weird like boy Jason emerging from toxic waste in the sewers of New York. I don’t mean weird like a whiny telekinetic fighting Jason in part VII. I mean fat-girl-eating-a-banana weird. There’s something very off-kilter about this whole affair. The mean-spirited death of the aforementioned fat girl. The goofy, sleazy mortician. Crispin Glover’s violent, spastic dancing. Odd things are at work here. There are characters that, while we don’t quite care about them, are certainly interesting in their own right. Tommy Jarvis is a strange little bastard that reminds me of myself at his age – without having faced down a super-mongoloid killer, of course. Jason himself actually runs and grunts in pain. He decorates the battlefield with the remains of his victims. And director Joe Zito is very sparing in the showing of Jason, only giving the audience a good look at the freak near the climax.

SPECIAL FEATURES:
Holy hell, they packed this thing. It makes the previous F13 releases look like AOL coasters offering 10,000 free minutes. If you’re a fan of this flick or the series as a whole, your other copy is just not good enough.

• Commentary with the director, the screenwriter, and the editor
• Fan Commentary from Adam Green & Joe Lynch – This might sound like an odd choice for those of you who don’t recognize the names. Both have helmed their own odes to the genre, directing "Hatchet" and "Wrong Turn 2", respectively. First and foremost, however, they’re fans. Rabid, slavering fans. These guys were raised by Jason. They know every cataract of blood, every swing of the machete. They’re funny, knowledgeable, and oh so in love with this movie.
• Lost Tales of Camp Blood: Part 4 – Seriously. What the hell is this? Of all the gems they include on these new Friday disks, these shorts are nothing but pointless fan films. I think the producer of the DVD was going for the brass ring and hoping someone would see him as the next Wes Craven.
• Slashed Scenes – These soundless outtakes detail the effects works on most of the kills. If you’ve ever wondered how that guy’s face gets smashed in the shower, here’s where you’ll find it.
• Jason’s Unlucky Day: 25 Years After F13: the Final Chapter – This post mortem comes off as far more honest than most behind the scenes featurettes. The interview covers everyone from Zito and Savini to the fat girl I mentioned earlier and the beauty of it is that they have nothing to promote here. It doesn’t take a keen ear or even much background knowledge to pick up on what a troubled shoot it was. And they have no bones about revealing the true impetus of the film – inventive ways to kill horny people.
• Crystal Lake Massacres Revisited: Part 1 – This is hilarious. It’s a mockumentary detailing the history of Camp Crystal Lake, theories about Jason, and discussions from various ‘experts’. One of my favorite special features in a long time.
• Jimmy’s Dead Fuck Dance Moves – Another sign that a lot of love went into this DVD. It’s an entire sequence of Crispin Glover’s bizarre, even frightening, dance scene.
• Original Theatrical Trailer


No, "Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter" is not a great movie. It IS a great Jason movie, maybe the best. It’s filled with all of the things you love about F13, especially 80’s hair and a fashion sense that would make Klaus Nomi wince. At this point, the tropes of the series are wearing thin, but COREY FELDMAN FIGHTS JASON VOORHEES. That’s the kind of sublime pairing that only comes along once in a lifetime. Hopefully I’ll live long enough to see Mr T take on the Cenobites.

Click Here to Buy Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (Deluxe Edition)