Cyrus Presents Jason (Our Jason That Is) Carving Out Reviews for "Friday the 13th 5 and 6"

As promised, here's Jason with two more Friday the 13th re-releases. While I can't agree with him that the sixth film is the last worth watching (part seven is probably my favorite of the series and ten is a riot) you probably shouldn't listen to me anyway. Jason is hard to question on a few things and his encyclopedic knowledge and love of slasher films is one of them. Check it out...

Whose stupid idea was this? You make a Friday the 13th movie that doesn’t have Jason in it? That’s not daring or creative. It’s moronic (unless you count the first Friday, of course). I want to find the guy who was rolling around in the throes of a cocaine bender and decided this is something that would work. "The Final Chapter" was great. It built some momentum, but it made the mistake of killing Jason. Rather than grabbing the blood-stained lucre and moving ahead with a Jason-fueled part V, they thought they had to run with the idea of killing of their gory, golden goose. It’s like when Bo and Luke left the Dukes of Hazzard and they tried to fill their spots with Vance and Coy. When you make a dumb choice (killing Jason) don’t follow it up with another dumb choice (keeping Jason dead).

After a quick flashback featuring Corey Feldman, we're taken to the Pinehurst halfway house, where all sorts of troubled young nut jobs are tucked away from society. One of the more menacing tenants is a familiar, if older, face - Tommy Jarvis. After his brutal encounter with Jason in part IV, Tommy has become a bit of a fucking psycho. He sneers. He punches people. He's all around disagreeable and crazy. So naturally, they put him and the other troubled kids, right next to Crystal Lake, where the body count was already something near a gazillion. Corpses start falling out of the damned sky, another fat person is senselessly dispatched (see part IV!), and no one listens to Tommy.

I loathed this movie as a kid. It was the bastard child of the series, the Friday franchise's own 'Season of the Witch'. Having the killer be an impostor all along isn't a twist. It's a sucker punch. It's a practical joke. The kills in this one were inventive, yes, but they were getting increasingly silly. Plus, the DVD reveals just how castrated most of the good stuff became in order to dodge the dreaded 'X' rating. As with most long-running horror franchises, this is where they really start to dip into the icy waters of self-parody. The only good thing that comes of this one is establishing Tommy as an ongoing adversary to Jason. It's an interesting approach that's rarely utilized in horror films (outside of Nancy, from "A Nightmare on Elm Street") and marks the 2nd installment of what some fans have called 'The Tommy Trilogy'. Despite this, it's just goofy, with characters straight from a cartoon melodrama, bad dialogue, and an ending that will leave you reaching for your own machete.


SPECIAL FEATURES:
-Commentary by director/co-screenwriter, along with the cast and crew
-Lost Tales from Camp Blood - Part 5 - Again?? Holy hell, enough with this garbage already. Anyone buying this DVD will watch it once, laugh at it, shrug, and then take the disc to the pawn shop.
-The Crystal Lake Massacres Revisited Part II - Genuinely funny and interesting. The best special feature from the DVD of 'The Final Chapter' is the best addition on this release, as well. It doesn't quite justify purchasing part V, but any fan needs to see it.
-New Beginnings: The Making of . . . - Not once does anyone here apologize. An apology is all I wanted.
-Theatrical Trailer - "If Jason still haunts you, you're not alone"... I gotta admit. I love that. Takes me back to fifth grade.

That's more like it! Lesson learned. The producers felt the backlash and brought Jason back from the grave quite literally. It's the first appearance of Jason as the Super Zombie. Climb aboard the carnage train, kids. The master is back and no weak sauce ambulance driver from part 5 is going to ruin his mojo.

Jason is now a puddle of mushy flesh and bone. Corey Feldman kicked his ass hard. But the new Tommy Jarvis, played by "Return of the Living Dead"s Thom Mathews, can't let well enough alone. He's got to go and dig our boy up. Several natural laws are broken by an errant blast of lighting and Jason is once again up and at 'em. Thank God. After getting a machete through his head, Jason was probably willing to let well enough alone. Blood under the bridge, right? Well, then he saw 'A New Beginning' and decided that that shit was not gonna fly. Not on his watch. Heads had to roll. So with a face full of maggots, Jason gets back to work.

If I were an English major, I'd point out the parallel in the quality of the films and the integrity of Jason's flesh. Worm infested, the series rots right along with Mr. Voorhees. This is the last watchable Friday film. Take note! Past this point, there be dragons. I'm sure I'll be tasked with reviewing Friday 7: Jason vs Carrie or Friday 9: What the Fuck Was That About?, but for now, we'll enjoy the last hurrah of our hockey masked hero. Tommy has truly become Crazy Ralph, the Greek Tragedy soothsayer letting people know, "Beware the 13th of Friday. Crystal Lake has a death curse! You're fucked!" Jason mows through kids with a malevolence and strength that at the time was attention grabbing. The kills are at their most inventive and the story, the 3rd chapter in the Tommy Trilogy, is moderately interesting and not a complete rehash of the ones that came before. It's a solid 'Friday' film, and with zero use of drugs or nudity. Should I feel cheated?

SPECIAL FEATURES:

-Commentary from the director, along with the cast and crew
-Lost Tales from Camp Blood: Part 6 - I really hope this is over.
-The Crystal Lake Massacres Revisited Part III - More in jokes in a mockumentary retrospective that any Friday fan absolutely has to see.
-Jason Lives: the Making of Friday the 13th: Part VI
-Meeting Mr. Voorhees - !!!!! In the annals of Friday history, obsessives have drooled over every little tidbit of Elias Voorhees, Jason's dad. He's been fleetingly mentioned in comics and novelizations, but here he is - well, in animatics, anyway. There's not much to it, but for rabid fans, this is a nice morsel of arcana.
-Slashed Scenes - All of the good stuff that was cut out to pacify the soccer moms of the MPAA.
-Original teaser trailer

If studios are going to double dip with DVD releases, this is the way to do it. There's a bounty of stuff for people to devour. Sure, the wire frame of the franchise is increasingly rusty, and there are some serious missteps, but for the Jason fan, you shouldn't think twice about buying either one of these. If you've read this far, you're a fan. You're committed. You probably already have the earlier, bare-bones releases sitting on your shelves. Put those things on craigslist and pick up these new, lenticular beauties.

Click Here to Buy Friday the 13th, Part V: A New Beginning (Deluxe Edition)

Click Here to Buy Friday the 13th, Part VI: Jason Lives (Deluxe Edition)