It’s a phenomenon. I know that lots of you wrote it off when you were young’uns out of fear of being labeled a ‘dork’ or a ‘geek’ or whatever. I got some news for you. If you’re on Spill, you ARE a dork/geek/whatever. Times have changed. Smart is sexy. Futurism is fantastic. Let your freak flag fly. The goddamn meek are inheriting the Earth and no portent could be more conclusive of the geekpocalypse being here than the latest Star Trek movie. It’s a gigantic hit whose success crosses cultural barriers. I don’t care that they’re young and sexy, it’s still geeky-ass Star Trek and it rules. That’s right, you folks staying home and talking shit…you’re the new losers. Be prepared to have your girlfriends boarded.

For those of you who are finally starting to come around, and good for you because the rest of you will be rounded up and put into camps where you can watch sports and reality television to your tiny little hearts content, don’t you think it’s time to catch up on the rest of this marvelous story? There’s a reason the Trek fan base is so widespread and so devoted: it was damn good stuff. Six television shows, eleven movies, an endless amount of novels, comics, video games, and a whole cabinets worth of Burger King glasses…now is the time to give in at least to the most accessible points of the franchise, the original crew film series. What finer way to do it than with the fancy new Blu-Ray set encompassing their six-film run?

Most of the extras from the massive two-disc per movie Trek DVD set that came out awhile back are included here. Some of the commentary tracks are excluded; mostly the ones with Michael Okuda, the writer of the “Star Trek Encyclopedia” but several new ones are added. Here and there a feature is left out but every film has new ones (in HD) added, BD-live functionality, the ‘Library Computer’ which you can turn on while watching the movie to give you background info on Trek stuff, and a silly “Starfleet Academy” bit on each one with a teacher lecturing on an item in the history of Starfleet that relates to the movie in question. Oh yeah, and the amazing extra disc, “The Captain’s Summit”, but I’ll get to that. First, the movies:

Star Trek: The Motion Picture
Or as is joked in some of the extras, “The Motionless Picture”. Kirk, Spock, Bones and the rest of the crew reunite on a new, unfinished Enterprise to investigate a giant energy cloud messin’ all kinds of stuff up on its way towards Earth. On the way, Kirk, now an Admiral, takes control of the ship from its new inexperienced captain, much to the new guy’s chagrin. Between that and his bald girlfriend getting abducted, hollowed out and made into the mouthpiece for the mysterious “V’ger” who controls the cloud, I gotta commend Starfleet on its stress-training.

Despite getting high-falutin’ director Robert Wise at the helm and a very serious sci-fi story, TMP was way too long, too slow, and worst of all, not a lot of fun. As an art film, it’s beautiful, with gorgeous shots of the V’ger cloud, groundbreaking special effects, and amazing score. As a Star Trek movie…well…can we just shoot something already?

The film looks great, despite a bit of grain still there, but why isn’t this the director’s cut with the updated special effects? Now I can’t resell my DVD copy, gorram it!

EXTRAS: Along with 15 minutes of previously released content…
-Commentary by Michael and Denise Okuda
-The Longest Trek: Writing the Motion Picture
-Special Star Trek Reunion: All the fans who played an essential part in keeping the Star Trek phenomenon alive at cons were invited to play a part in the film, where Kirk addresses the crew of the ship. This is a few of them (including James Doohan’s son) talking about that day and how cool that would have been. I’d have liked to see them talk about how life has seemed empty and pointless since then, but they must have edited that part out.

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
STILL the best Trek movie. The Enterprise is responding to an emergency message from a science station where a powerful new technology, the Genesis device, is being worked on. They get there to find out that an old enemy, Khan Noonien Singh (Ricardo Montalbán) has killed most of them, put Chekov under his control using icky ear-bugs, and captured the Starship Reliant where he waited for Kirk and co to show up so he could blast the shit out of them. So begins the most epic space battle between two captains…ever. Plus: Dudes will cry…it’s allowed. Just let it out.

This really still is all that and a bag of space chips, and it’s the performances by Montalbán and Shatner (yes, he’s amazing here) that pull it off. The Blu-ray redress is probably the best out of the collection; to no one’s surprise I’m sure, although once again, this isn’t the director’s cut available on the DVD set, but the original theatrical release version. You do REALLY want to hear this in a decent surround system as those whizzing starships and powerful dramatic score sound amazing.

EXTRAS: Along with over 2 hours of previously released content…
-Commentary by Director Nicholas Meyer and Manny Coto
-James Horner: Composing Genesis
-Collecting Star Trek’s Movie Relics: See, you’ll never be as big a geek as these guys. Still…I sure would love to have that Captain’s Chair. I need to make my own version of “Fanboys” about an Oceans 11-style crew of geeks who set out to steal it. Or one of you folks could just get it for me…

Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
Is it too soon to reveal Spock dies in the last one? Seriously, if you don’t know this by now, I’m sorry, the moratorium on keeping it a secret was up 20 years ago. But hope remains. A last minute decision by the filmmakers to have Spock do his mind meld thing briefly on Bones and say “Remember” before he went off to his doom left the way open for him to come back (eventually) in this third film that Nimoy took the directing reigns of as well. This is the exception to the ‘every other Trek film is good’ rule, as it is indeed a pretty good movie.

Everyone is back at a star base dealing with the loss of ol’ pointy ears but Bones seems to be taking it worse than anyone. He’s gone crazy and seems to believe he IS Spock…or is he? Turns out, Spock put his essential essence into him with that ‘Remember’ bit (ewww) and now they have to go back to the Genesis planet (against orders) and find his body to put his stuff back in so they can give him some sort of proper funeral. But lo: the Genesis planet creates life and Spock has regenerated into a young child, who starts growing up by the minute. Unfortunately, they don’t have much time to let him go through puberty gracefully as the planet is coming apart and a Klingon group (led by Christopher Lloyd) are hanging about trying to steal the Genesis tech for themselves.

EXTRAS: Along with over 2 hours of previously released content…
-Commentary by Ronald D Moore and Michael Taylor
-Industrial Light and Magic: Visual Effects
-Spock: The Early Years: The guy who played teen Spock here gets to wax eloquent on fan girls who want to pon farr with him even now.
-Star Trek and the Science Fiction Museum and Hall of Fame: This actually has next to nothing to do with the Sci-Fi Museum, aside from the interview with writer Harve Bennett being set there.

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
Enterprise all blowed up, driving a Klingon ship, limping home in disgrace (aside from having a newly resurrected, yet slightly goofy, Spock on board)…thank god for an invading giant probe putting the Earth in an extinction-sized crisis. Turns out, Kirk and crew are the only ones left to help, which should go well towards cleaning up his recent record of Grand Theft Starship. The probe wants to talk to the whales; only problem is…there are no more whales. We kilt them all, the savage bastardos that we are. So, throwing dice to see which one of a thousand different ways they discovered over the length of the original series to go back to the 20th century, they travel to the 80s to grab some of the big fellers so they can answer the message in the future.

Why Jason (from the League) hates this movie, I have no idea. IV was the most financially successful of all the original films and was the most light-hearted and accessible of them as well. You can even watch this one with your girlfriend. The Greenpeace thumping never gets in the way of a good story and all the characters actually get a chance to have screen time other than “yes captain”. Fun, funny, and a satisfying conclusion to the ‘trilogy’ of films that begins with II, “The Voyage Home” is the one for everybody. Except Jason. And frak his thoughts.

EXTRAS: Along with over 2 hours of previously released content…
-Commentary by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman
-Pavel Chekov’s Screen Moments: Walter Koenig gets to express how excited he was to finally have an arc.
-The Three-Picture Saga: Make an evening of it, II, III, and IV…you won’t be disappointed.
-Star Trek For a Cause: Greenpeace, blah, blah, Whales, blah, blah

Star Trek V: The Complete Piece of Shit
And oh man, is it ever. It’s actually titled “The Final Frontier” but who cares, mine is more accurate.

The crew in a new Enterprise is sent out to rescue hostages on a West Virginia planet, Nimbus III. Turns out that Spock’s never-before-mentioned half brother Sybok is on the planet and has taken these hostages only so he could lure a starship there. He manages to steal the Enterprise (and it’s crew along with it) to go out to the center of the galaxy where he believes that God lives.

This is lame in so many ways, not the least of which is the lack-luster special effects; the only time Paramount decided to go without the services of ILM, and look what happens. It’s not just the terrible dialogue and beyond-ridiculous plot…it’s almost every little detail that is mismanaged and fumbled. I wish Shatner hadn’t directed this; I hate to talk bad about the man, but I think we can all agree that he should stay in FRONT of the camera from now on. Still, there’s a campiness here that surpasses even the dorkiest episodes of the series and creates a weird sort of so-bad-its-good vibe. Or maybe it’s just that anytime I see these characters I’m smiling at least a little. Either way, "What does God need with a starship" remains one of my favorite Kirk lines ever.

EXTRAS: Along with over 2 hours of previously released content…
-Commentary by Michael and Denise Okuda and Judith & Garfield Reeves-Stevens and Daren Dochterman
-Star Trek Honors NASA: The mutual ass kissing continues.
-Hollywood Walk of Fame: James Doohan, looking extremely old and tired in a wheelchair, is honored. I fucking cried.

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
The original crew’s last movie together is one of the best of the series. It’s a tie-in to the Next Generation series in it’s depiction of how the Klingons and the Federation became allies through the reluctant efforts of Kirk, who is framed for the murder of a Klingon diplomat. He and Bones are imprisoned on a Hoth-y work planet but the assassination attempts pile up quickly, and they have to escape, with the help of a Spock-led Enterprise and investigation into the murder mystery so they can all stop further murders by an anti-treaty group.

This is cool, and not just because it has Worf in it playing his own grandfather. It’s the most Shakespearian of the Treks, quoting liberally from “Hamlet” even in it’s title, which is misleading, as in the original play it refers to death…here, it refers to a new peace. The theme relates to this new meaning as it is clearly about the ending of the cold war, reflecting the time of the film's release. Managing to mix some genuinely laugh out loud moments, an involving mystery, and a satisfying end to the adventures of these characters, VI is a well-thought out adventure. And yes, I always have to wait until the end of the credits, because when it starts throwing the cast’s signatures up on the screen at the end, I’m a complete wreck every time and need that extra five minutes to compose myself.

EXTRAS: Along with over 2 hours of previously released content…
-Commentary by Larry Nemecek and Ira Steven Behr
-Tom Morga: Alien Stuntman: This dude has logged more screen hours than probably most of the crew, only in heavy makeup.
-To Be or Not to Be: Klingon and Shakespeare: A theater company put on an all-Klingon version of Hamlet. Seriously. I’m the biggest Trek fan I know and even I’ve got to say…get a life.

The biggest attraction here, other than getting these in beautiful HD, is the seventh disc, “The Captain’s Summit”. Patrick Stewart, Jonathan Frakes, William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy sit down with host Whoopi Goldberg for 70 minutes and just shoot the shit. While there’s not a lot of all that revealing info here, other than Shatner admitting to the rest that he’s never actually watched an episode of TNG and getting shit about it for the rest of the time to great hilarity, it’s all gold. These guys are hysterical together. It’s magic watching them all let their hair down, even though they all have notably less hair than they used to. In fact, I’d be damned surprised if they hadn’t had a few drinks before recording started. It feels like one of “those” LEOG episodes, if you know what I mean. Normally these things are a watch-once type of affair, but I can see sitting down with this again and soon even. Yes, you may now begin your jokes about Cyrus sitting around in his Trek jumpsuit watching this and fantasizing about having drinks with these guys and amicably chatting: it’s true.

I can’t imagine not wanting to own this. Hell, my copy is up on a pedestal in my living room with a light shining on its pretty hologram cover. If you haven’t seen these yet and you watched and enjoyed the new Trek flick, you’re in for a lot of hours of fun in the near future. Stop with your internal dialogue worrying what your boss or girlfriend will think of you and JOIN US. In the future, it’ll be almost impossible to score any tail UNLESS you’re wearing a Starfleet insignia. What? You trust your Uncle Cyrus, don’t you?

Click Here to Buy Star Trek: Original Motion Picture Collection [Blu-ray]