PERCY JACKSON & THE OLYMPIANS: THE LIGHTNING THIEF (Blu-Ray and DVD)

It just seems kind of sad now whenever some new challenger for the kid’s lit Harry Potter crown tries and fails to break through with film audiences. You’re kind of embarrassed for them, and turn your head away, coughing politely when the first trailers air. It's like when everyone realizes your buddy farted and tries to pretend they didn't hear anything. While “Percy Jackson” is amongst the better of the failed contenders for that coveted fill-in spot, that’s only saying so much. Logan Lerman plays the titular Percy who discovers (gasp) that he comes from a lineage that is granted special abilities: the son of a God. Said God, Poseidon (Kevin McKidd) is on the outs with big daddy Zeus (Sean Bean) who thinks his illegitimate son made off with his favorite toy, the master lightning bolt. Zeus gives the boy 14 days to return it or the shit will hit the celestial fan. Unfortunately for him, Percy, having no idea of his ancestry at the time of the crime, did not take the bolt. He is rescued from over-anxious mythical bounty hunters by his English teacher (Pierce Brosnan) who turns out to be a centaur (and presumably became the target of a series of 'horse's ass' jokes on-set). Percy is taken to a summer camp for demi-gods, filled with kids with enormous powers and serious daddy issues. While there, he starts learning to use his watery gifts but sneaks off with some new friends to go rescue his mom (Catherine Keener) from Hades (Steve Coogan) who is probably just chilling out with her and listening to Zeppelin. Underworld rulers always get such a bad rap. Anyway, It’s all very confusing and chaotic at points, various Gods, Goddesses, and monsters are thrown in all over the place to fulfill its ties to the mythologies, and generally things move at a quick pace. Unfortunately, most of the humor, which the book was rife with, falls flat here and there’s not much to be said for getting to know your characters. The young kids are certainly earnest but not terribly interesting. I would be surprised to see a sequel get greenlit.
EXTRAS: 10 deleted scenes; “Discover your power quiz” - yawn; “The book comes to life” - short featurette on the book to movie path; trailer; “On set with Brandon T Jackson” - the wacky black kid sidekick without a single honestly funny line in the film, gives the tour. I’m exhausted already; “Meet the Demigods” - mainly clips from the movie; “Composing for the Gods: A conversation with Christophe Beck” - all about the score...for three whole minutes; “Secrets of the Gods” - pick the mythological creature or God and get a short video describing their mythological histories.
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PRETTY BIRD (DVD)

A lot of the time these little indie films that come out almost directly to DVD are pretty forgettable. I have to be careful what I actually request because it's relatively easy to get stuck with a serious snorer. I’ll admit the only reason I asked for this particular film was because Paul Giamatti had a starring role in it. He's one of those fantastic actors who I'll give pretty much anything he's in at least a chance. I wish Hollywood would start giving him another chance for bigger profile roles. Us ugly guys need work too. He plays an unemployed rocket scientist who is hired to help Billy Crudup’s character achieve his dream: to start a company making and selling personal rocket packs. See, now you’re probably all perked up like I was. Paul Giamatti AND a quirky concept? Where is the check box for YES, I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT? Unfortunately, this too had to get skipped in my viewing schedule (for now) because of Spill dot con. It was nominated for the Sundance Grand Jury Prize and has gotten some warm receptions. Some, I say, because most of what I read was more of a ‘eh’ type shrug of a review, that I could see. Still, this kind of quirky, deconstructionalist (it’s all a metaphor for the problems inherent in capitalism, apparently), comedy sounds right up Cyrus’s alley. Oh, and it’s got Kristin Wiig in it as well. Of course, I think pretty much every comedy this year does, so no surprise there.
EXTRAS: None
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STOLEN (DVD)

Never a good sign when a movie goes through multiple renamings after release. You might have heard of this in production as “The Boy in the Box” or later as “Stolen Lives”. Or, like me, you might not have heard of it at all. IFC got a hold of it and decided the reductionist 'Stolen' was the title to draw in the crowds. Pretty sure I would have stuck with "The Boy in the Box". At the very least it makes you say to yourself, "Now, what the hell is THIS thing about?" Jon Hamm plays a small town police chief who, even a decade later, is still obsessed with the disappearance of his son. Geez, like, get over it, Dad. He probably talked in movie theaters anyway. Just make a new one already. When a box is uncovered that contains a boy that was buried alive 50 years ago, it brings his obsession back full force and the search for the killer of the boy in the box and the person who took his son, becomes his whole life. Rhona Mitra (who, I’m sorry, looks like Rob Lowe in drag to me) wants him to let it all go, but the obsession gets in the way of the sex. That and that he doesn’t want to have sex with Rob Lowe. What? I’m sorry, once I saw it, I can’t unsee it. The word on this mystery thriller is that it’s kind of uneven, but I’m looking forward to giving it a chance nonetheless.
EXTRAS: ‘Making of’ featurette; trailers
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THE CRAZIES (Blu-ray and DVD)

Finally. I was starting to get worried about Timothy Olyphant. He’s one of those actors that I KNOW has got big things in front of him, but he never seems to be able to lock down a cinematic career. Certainly on television he’s been impressive to the point of being iconic, both in HBO’s “Deadwood” and this year, F/X’s “Justified”. This new remake of George Romero’s 1973 film isn’t the movie that’s going to take him significantly up a pay scale, but it’s certainly another positive notch in his belt. He plays a small town sheriff caught up in the madness when the people in the town start going homicidally insane. Before you know it, the government shows up and starts locking the place down, but they’re just as dangerous as the loonies running around. Sounds like a metaphor to me, but I’ll just let it lie because director Breck Eisner’s (yes, the son of THAT Eisner) take on the material is, more importantly, a lot of fun. Much like the 2004 remake of “Dawn of the Dead”, this delivers the goods in a fast paced, gooey, and crowd-pleasing fashion. I'll even take the big step here and say that for my money, this version is actually better than the original film. We’re not talking a masterpiece here, but horror fans know how few ‘hits’ we get a year. This is one that you’re gonna want to make a point to catch.
EXTRAS: Commentary with the director; ‘Behind the scenes’ - 10 minute featurette; “Paranormal Pandemics” - real life epidemics like this and their likelihood; “The George A Romero Template” - tribute to THE MAN; “Make-up mastermind Rob Hall in Action” - a in depth look at one particular piece of practical work; 2 motion comics with back story stuff; “Visual Effects in Motion” - CG layers and suchlike; “Storyboards - Building a scene” - interactive gallery; “Behind the scenes photo gallery” - another one’ Digital copy; THREE easter eggs - navigate below the ‘Also on Blu-Ray’ option. Bio-hazard icons will appear
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THE WARLORDS (Blu-ray and DVD)

A lot of epic war movies coming out of the East lately. You guys hopefully went and rented or bought “Red Cliff” because of my glowing review (you do do that, right?) and you can imagine how excited I am about “The Warlords”, another big, sprawling, Chinese period piece with three superstars in it: Jet Li, Andy Lau, and Takeshi Kaneshiro. This one takes place during the Taiping Rebellion in the 1860’s, one of the bloodiest and deadliest wars in history. So, what, we’ve got blood, action, martial arts, epic scope army violence madness....and I'm sorry to tell you that not really, at least from what I hear. This is directed by Peter Chan, a guy best known for romance films. He said that his goal was to make a movie about men’s affections for each other (!) more than anything else. It’s gotten somewhat mixed reviews overall but that didn’t stop it from getting slews of awards and nominations at three major Asian film award ceremonies. Pretty sure that with this cast alone, it’s worth checking out. And hell, from the look of the trailer, it's clearly not DEVOID of epic scope army violence madness. I'm looking forward to the film just called that: "EPIC SCOPE ARMY VIOLENCE MADNESS: THE MOVIE". Direct and to the point. I could respect that.
EXTRAS: “Making of” - 38 minute featurette; “Production Journal” - 36 minutes; “Behind the scenes special” - 18 minutes of promotional stuff; “HDnet: A Look at the Warlords” - Puff piece for HDnet; Deleted and Extended scenes...50 minutes worth.
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