CTRL - ALT - COMMIT: The Final Friday

No cast, no crew, no money; just a script that took 3 years to finish and dogged determination to get out of this shit-hole town.


I FIND YOUR LACK OF PUNCTUALITY DISTURBING

Really? Working a dead job in the odd hours of the morning and slinging together a film adhoc, which will cost £2000 before a single frame is shot, without first getting location permissions is somehow outweighed by my punctuality? More to the point, the likelihood of anyone outside of the production seeing the final set piece as I intended it is small to minimal as the deadline for most of the festival entries for this year and the next ( at least in the UK ) have passed.


WAIT...SO- 'JARLABRELK AIN'T GONNA GET PAID SON'?

Financial successes like Clerks, Napoleon Dynamite and The Blair Witch Project are of their time, trying to recreate the circumstances in which they were conceived, filmed and released is foolhardy at best and downright dangerous at worst; mainly because you put yourself into financial peril without the promise of a substantial return to cover licenses, fees, royalties and any and all profit sharing. Delgo is a perfect example of what not to do -

1.Funds were raised by a business man, with seemingly no advice on how to implement those monies from a producer or affiliated film veteran.

2. The animation was made with fairly generic looking characters, showing just how long this had been in development as the heavy hitters of Pixar and Dreamworks raced ahead at warp speed.

3. The cast was forgettable; an unforgivable mistake in a day and age where mainstream movie stars are regularly voicing even minor roles.

4. Despite appearing in 2,100 theaters there was hardly any advertising or promotion- trailers were made,posters printed and adverts edited but their longevity and memorability toward their audience (kids) was slim to none.

5. Buzz generated was probably of the flies hovering around the near dead corpse that was this films PR. Not getting people talking about your film and spreading their views through word of mouth ( the cheapest form of advertising on the market) is akin to leaving the prints to collect dust in warehouse where the Ark of the Covenant is stored.


DAYYYYUMN! WHY YOU SO INSISTENT ON MAKING THIS THEN?

Money is never really made on the first outing for any film director worth their salt; half the battle is sticking around, clutching to your film like a crazed chimp with a nutsack and ripped off face. The truth is that your paycheck doesn't arrive until you can prove you're able to write,direct or produce to your bosses or peers. Staying away from the centres of filmmaking makes that more difficult as you're out of the loop with actors, producers and directors that have already traveled the path your treading and most likely could offer you valuable advice.

Truth be told I'm not doing this just for money; I want to launch a career and become somebody that maybe people in my circle of friends and family wish they could be but don't have the will to push it out of the realm of their dreams and into reality. It's been difficult sourcing things and actors, I'm pretty sure it'll only get even more difficult as location permissions will be fought over. However using my money to do this rather than buying a car (which will only depreciate and eat up my salary in fuel and road tax), or a similar and unnecessary purchase, could be a ticket to getting somebodies attention.

The job market isn't exactly brimming with opportunity right now but I think of this way- by keeping your head above water in the bad times means you've gone someway to proving to your peers and superiors that you're ready for when the good times roll around.


PEERS? WHO GIVES FUCK WHAT THEY THINK!?

I do. Mostly because the film is based around our collective experiences of how Blairs Britain has fucked us over. That's not to let the opposition parties off the hook when it comes to accountability for the rising gun, knife and drug crime coupled with dwindling manufacturing base and nothing really of substance to replace it with. Its just that in the 10 years he was in power so much of what I remember has been wiped clean from the landscape, peoples attitudes and behavior are shaped by a mob mentality where it comes to their pockets, youngsters and foreigners. The considered, valiant and fastidious British people have been replace with layabouts and over educated, yet somehow mysteriously misinformed, middle classes. Their collective ignorance have let once proud and industrious nation fall from grace spectacularly- from world leader to simply also-ran nation.

My general dissatisfaction with the peoples' bitch-ass-ness couldn't be channeled into this feature because it would be near unwatchable, what with the stupidity and obviousness of the real life experiences I've had with customers; it'd almost mirror an Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg movie feature short sighted folly by whichever studio was unwise enough to pick them up.


WHAT MAKES YOU BETTER THAN SELTZER/FRIEDBERG?

In asking for actors for the various roles I've created, I accidentally ran into 2 directors whose specialty was film (unlike me whose specialty is being bitter).

One of the 2 that I've happened upon is Rob Pallatina, whose channel on Youtube is a creative portfolio of the work he's done so far. What made want me to get him involved is a film he did called 'What's So Bad With Birmingham?'. The whole film was up for a while on Youtube but has since been removed, in its absence here's a a taste-


I know it doesn't look sexy and some of the dialogue is choppy and coupled with echoing audio capture it doesn't bowl you over, setting those things to one side however; I've found someone whose experiences could prove to be invaluable when filming my own movie. That and Rob has access to 2 of the other actors I'd wanted to involve with this project, mainly due to their striking on-screen resemblance to the characters I've written.


YOU STILL DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION.


Even in Spanish, the language that bought you Telemundo and Univision, that still wasn't funny. The opening 2 minutes of my film might be a mise- en-scene but it' still a whole load more original and funny than that- and I haven't even filmed it yet!


PLAYA HATER!