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Buy, Rent, Stream, or Skip: "Flavor Flav Presents: Dead Tone" and "I Sell the Dead"
DEAD TONE
I can’t believe I actually gave this a chance. I thought to myself, “Hmm, Flavor Flav’s Nite Tales Presents Dead Tone....might be good”. What the hell is wrong with me? I’ve never seen any of the episodes from the Flavor Flav-hosted television series but I certainly never will now. After an introduction from the large-clocked one where he comes on screen and says “I am the TIMEMASTER! HAHAHAHAHA!” and that’s IT....with no further ado, we get into the movie which isn’t a helluva lot better.
Basically, somebody decided to take “Scream”, remove all the funny parts and meta-horror references, and film it. Sound like fun? If so, you must be the person this dreck was made for because it certainly wasn’t me.
The plot, as it were is as thus: Crank callee gets even. With an axe. And then many years later, comes back for the surviving kids of the victims at the world’s lamest destination location party. Let me tell you, having to see a haggard, old, sad looking Rutger Hauer here in his few, entirely gratuitous scenes, only makes “Dead Tone” leave an even more sour taste in your mouth. It’s not just a SKIP. It’s a SKIP AND BURN ALL REMAINING COPIES.
Click Here to Buy (but only if you promise to destroy it afterward) Dead Tone
I SELL THE DEAD
I wish I could find this film to be as funny as it wants me to. There’s certainly been a lot of effort put in, and you can see why; it’s definitely a fun premise and maybe it played better to a theatrical audience. I hear at festivals it got lots of praise. A closer examination reveals a film that might require an overly enthusiastic audience to get anything out of.
Dominic Monaghan and Larry Fessenden play grave robbers in London, presumably sometime in the 19th century, who have been caught and are about to go to the guillotine. Ron Perlman shows up as a priest who wants to get the story from Monaghan of his career. It turns out, these two weren’t just grave robbers, they were supernatural grave robbers, stealing zombies, aliens and vampires to sell to a ‘select few’ buyers and Monaghan has a few adventures to relate before he finds out why Perlman REALLY is there.
Things are played entirely for “Creepshow”-style laughs, often freezing the screen image to a pulpy comic drawn one, certainly with intent to remind us of that film. Indeed, the DVD even comes with an entire comic book of the movie slipped neatly inside the case. Despite every one clearly having lots of fun and getting an extra-long benefit of the doubt for having a seriously cool idea for a horror comedy, things really aren’t all that funny. Most of the jokes here are pretty played out in the genre already and seem half-baked. There’s so much more promise to “I Sell The Dead” than it actually delivers and that’s a real shame. Even a guest appearance by Angus Scrimm can’t do more than make one laugh and say, “Look, it’s Angus Scrimm! I thought he was dead.” There’s an undeniable charm to the performances and to what the film WANTS to do, but there’s not enough follow-through, either on the horror or the comedy, to give it more than a STREAM.
Click Here to Buy I Sell the Dead
Comment
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Comment by Phillip K Slick on April 16, 2010 at 4:51am -
I found I Sell the Dead hilarious,one of my favorite new comedy.
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Comment by Cyrus on April 15, 2010 at 11:06am
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James M, it is that film. The Nite Tales people bought it, tacked on the Flavor Flav intro and renamed it.
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Comment by James M on April 15, 2010 at 9:48am -
Dead Tone sounds a lot like this other movie called 7eventy 5ive
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Comment by Daredevil on April 13, 2010 at 4:07pm -
No lie, but my directing teacher worked on I Sell the Dead. His name is Jeremiah Kipp (for those who think I'm just bullshitting you.)
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Comment by Skull on April 13, 2010 at 12:40pm -
i sell the dead looks good
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Comment by Edward on April 13, 2010 at 11:16am -
i am the timemaster haha classic
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I REALLY want to see Phantasm 5, for the record. BUT...I'm one of those people.
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Comment by NotTheWhosTommy on April 13, 2010 at 12:19am -
So, Flava Flav took that obvious comments that many have said ("SHIT! That dude looks like the Crypt Keeper!") and made himself an anthology host? Buddy, it isn't just the looks... it's also the lame puns that make the decaying puppet.
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Comment by BOWENARROW on April 12, 2010 at 9:51pm -
hmmm guess I'll take Dead Tone off my Netflix que. I saw I Sell The Dead and thought it had its moments, but agree that it's not really something to add to the collection. Speaking of Angus Scrimm who else wants to see Phantasm 5?
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Comment by Guitaro Man on April 12, 2010 at 7:23pm -
Wait, Flavor Flav hosted a TV show? Ouch, I think that realization killed a part of my soul as well as dropping my IQ quite a bit. Bummer...
Anywho, nice review, Cyrus!
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