Broad of the Dead: Bloodsucking Freaks (AKA Vampires)

With Twilight coming out Friday and indie film Let the Right One In coming out a few weeks ago, it goes without saying that the vampire is cool again (still…whichever you prefer). Unless you’re like me and think Twilight looks pretty ridiculous and would rather stick to traditional(ish) vampire flicks. I’ve never been the type to get into the whole “vampires are sexy” thing, so I treat them as I treat their other sub-creature, undead companions. In general, I’m not a huge fan of vampire flicks, but there are definitely a few I really do enjoy, most of them of course being pretty damn kitschy. Nonetheless, here are some alternative vampire flicks to check out:


Dracula (1992)

This is pretty much the best vampire movie there is out there. It has a great cast: Keanu Reeves (he’s semi-tolerable in it, really), Winona Ryder, Cary Elwes, Sir Anthony Hopkins and Gary Oldman as Dracula. Oldman is scary as hell in this, and there’s still one part that freaks me out every time I watch it. Naturally, with Francis Ford Coppola directing, it looks beautiful and flows freakishly well.


Nosferatu

If you watch this film under the age of 10, you’re pretty much screwed as far as dreams come for a solid year. Just looking at Max Schreck in this film gives enough creep factor to sleep with the lights on, but as the movie goes on, he actually gets more terrifying yet human at the same time. It’s a great film, even if it’s technically a horror film, and is a must-see for all. Also, Shadow of the Vampire with Willem Dafoe about the actor Max Schreck is also worth checking out.


Near Dark

Along with movies like the original Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street, Near Dark is a classic ‘80s horror movie. If you can get past the ridiculous way the main characters dress and a few others schlocky things here and there, this movie is actually pretty terrifying and delivers some great scares. Whatever you do, make sure you see this before its remake comes out, or you will truly spoil it for yourselves.


Martin

George A. Romero has said in countless interviews that Martin was his favorite movie to make, and you can see why when you watch it. It’s a great, intimate film with a small cast and small crew and its one of Romero’s best. As are most of his films, Martin is definitely deliberately cheesy in some places, but it really works in plot, in performance and in its visuals.


The Lair of the White Worm

If you are lucky enough to find a copy of this movie, definitely rent it! It’s a rare gem that’s not found in a lot of video stores anymore, in fact, I had to find mine at the local mom and pop store. The film stars Hugh Grant in one of the craziest films I’ve ever seen…and also one of the most awesomely bad. It’s not exactly high quality, but definitely good for amusement. Start checking VHS bins now!


Fright Night

This movie is so, so good and so, so underrated. Teetering the line of great and schlock, Fright Night is a great ‘80s horror flick. The numerous horror references and throwbacks to late-night horror hosts like Cleveland’s Ghoulardi, Michigan’s The Ghoul and Elvira will make you insanely nostalgic and realize how great this movie is. Plus, you get a few familiar faces like Chris Sarandon and Marcy D’Arcy from “Married…with Children”, Amanda Bearse.


From Dusk Till Dawn

I don’t give a crap what anyone says, this will always be one of my favorite vampire movies. It’s fun, has great makeup and effects (for its time anyway) and the storyline is unique, cheesy and captivating. Besides, we get to see George Clooney play a total badass, which is pretty damn sweet. As all horror fans know, Tom Savini’s role in this film is the definite show stopper. See this ASAP, seriously.


The Hamiltons

Out of the entire 8 Films to Die For series, this is the only one I really like. While I was watching it the first time around, I sort of got angry because I had no idea what was going on, but the ending ties the entire movie together BEAUTIFULLY. If you are lacking in the patience department, you may want to skip this one, but if you’re looking for a great storyline, decent gore and vampires, pick this one up.


The Night Flier

I remember watching this on TV as a kid and absolutely loving it. When I re-rented it a few years back, I realized this is still a pretty classic and relatively unknown movie, despite being attached to Stephen King. The best part about this movie is the fact that it doesn’t have a stupid Hollywood happy ending…and it’s pretty damn gory. Miguel Ferrer stars in this film and, as usual, delivers a creeptastic performance.


Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

This is one insanely fun movie! Like musicals, drama, comedy, kung-fu or sci-fi? It’s all in here (no, I’m not kidding). This movie literally has something for everyone and somehow manages to make sense and be a pretty great B movie. It’s just starting to get a good reputation, and it should because it’s seriously a blast to watch. There’s nothing better than Jesus riding a skateboard with piercings, tattoos and a nice, new haircut.


**Bonus** “Quartier de la Madeleine” – Paris, je t’aime

I couldn’t write this piece without mentioning this segment from Paris, je t’aime, which, if you don’t know, is a series of short films centering on Paris which are compiled into one awesome film. Totaling around 6 minutes long, Elijah Wood and Olga Kurylenko (AKA the new Bond Girl in Quantum of Solace) team up and deliver one hell of a short film. You girls may have Twilight, but I have “Quartier de la Madeline.” Trust me, it’s the hell of the awesome. Check it out below!