Big Trouble in Little China

I expect this to be funny. I expect to laugh. Will I have these things? Eighties comedies are things to be wary of. They have distorted the minds of practical men, and I do not envy their tastes. When a friend tells me that an eighties comedy is good, what else can I do but find out for myself?

00:03
So, Russell's playing an idiot. It's nice to see, after witnessing his father-figure image in a shitty movie and his utterly boring character in Death Proof.
I don't think I'll ever get over period music. Electric keyboards? This early in the fucking movie? I got a heads-up with the old Asian magic man, and you fuck up my vibe with generic period music?

00:11
Overplayed dramatic reaction, Kim? Can't you see a bunch of gang members and NOT spell out the urgency like it's written in a cardboard book for toddlers? I predict: her performance is bad throughout the movie, and all intended moods in her scenes will be lost.

00:25
Lame introduction to the supernatural. Poses, expensive costumes, post production effects. Disney could've made this movie. Decades before this was released. I do like Kurt's John Wayne impersonation.
No subtlety or control over cliches. I can excuse the light versus dark stereotypes, but only if I am willing to decide for myself who is good and bad. Being told directly, I am pushed into a corner that I do not like being pushed into. I hate this fucking corner.
And why should I care if this chick is worth being saved? All I have is one character's description of her and a face.
I do not intentionally want to hate this movie; I don't want to hate any movie I invest my time to, but when I trust a pal's words, I do not expect to be disappointed within the first half hour. A fourth of this movie is gone, and NOTHING worth paying attention to has happened.

00:33
"You mean the David Lo Pan that's chairman of the National Orient Bank and owns the Wing Kong Import/Export Trading Company, but who's so reclusive that no one's laid eyes on this guy in years?"
No, I mean the David Lo Pan who you didn't really have to have a long expose about if the writer knew how to WRITE A FUCKING DECENT SCRIPT!
I get it, I do; this is supposed to be something of a parody of bad Chinese import films, but there's nothing that lets me know that the movie is aware that it is a parody. I thought that the opening scene was supposed to get me feeling serious about the supernatural elements, but it only mislead me. Maybe I can look fairer upon this movie, as long as nobody says something cliche like, "I've got a bad feeling about this," or "I was born ready."

00:36
First good joke. Damn funny one.

00:46
Ah, ha! My man, James Hong, makes ANY shit movie better! This may not be so bad, after all.
Oh, wait... those thugs in black and red are working for the storm guys, right? So, why did three of them try to kill those guys and get machetes in their chests?

01:36
I jsut saw a shit load of awesome effects and applications of latex, and actual humor. Half of this is a fun movie. The other half is a waste of time.
Cool monsters. Really cool shit going on with old man Hong. Stupid fights in the air. Kurt Russell embarrassing himself in the middle of a brawl. Corny as fuck ending.

SCRIPT: not good
ACTING: alright
DIRECTION: alright
CONTENT: alright