Ex-List sneak peek review *possible spoilers*

So, I was waiting in the on campus theater for the free midnight showing of Iron Man to start. At 12:05, I began to sweat as the people next to me began to mutter something that might have been rioting plans (or maybe they were just doing their best Milton impressions). One of the entertainment reps thankfully chose that moment to come out to let us know that the wait was almost over, as well as explain exactly why none of us had to pay for 2 hours of awesomeness. Turns out that CBS had sponsored the screening. The catch? We had to sit through a sneak preview of an upcoming TV series called Ex-List. At first I figured I could stand waiting 30 to 45 minutes before seeing Iron Man for the fifth time. After being subjected to an hour of of torture that would make defendants in a war crimes tribunal curl into the fetal position, I knew what I had to do.

In the episode of Ex-List CBS chose to needlessly delay the easily superior feature film grace the audience with, a bride to be and her annoying as hell posse of slasher film victims hip and spunky friends decide to have a night out by... visiting a psychic. Yeah. A psychic. No male strip club. No getting zonked out of one's mind through whatever drugs one can find. None of what might actually happen during any bachelorette party. Damn the limits of not being on HBO!

Anyway, the leading lady, Bella Bloom, finally gets her turn with the deadpan and obviously legit psychic. During her session, Bella is told that (amidst a lot of predictions so random they would leave a paranoid schizophrenic scratching their head) she must get married to one of her past boyfriends in the next year, after which she is destined to live alone (although, conveniently enough, she can't tell which one is Mr. Right). After a series of events vaguely alluded to by the Whoopi Goldberg-esque clairvoyant come to pass, Bella decides to treat her advice with a shade more seriousness, and begins to hunt down her exes (hence the title).

To be fair, what I saw of Ex-List doesn't seem THAT bad... for a premise to a 90-120 minute romantic comedy. Let's get one thing straight: I love romantic comedies (maybe not as much as Carlyle, but still...), and this could have easily been a fun romantic comedy for the Judd Apatow crowd, what with its overall fell and occasional off-screen gross-out jokes (one running gag involving Bella's friend constantly restyling her pubic hair never failed to send me into spasms). The problem is that, once again, this was the first episode of what is supposed to be a TV series that suffered from on major flaw: I could tell only a short time in how everything is going to end. While Bella wastes her time lusting after her former loser of a rocker bf, she repeatedly bashes her most recent and perfect lover (who she left because he took too long to pop the question). There's something about the interactions between the two that kinda sorta maybe alludes to the possibility that THESE TWO WILL MOST DEFINITELY HOOK UP!!! Seriously, I understand that these types of romances tend to be predictable on some level, but when I can predict how a TV series is most likely going to end after only one episode, the whole purpose of the thing is defeated.

Even if my amateur prophecy turns out to not be right, certain things about Ex-List simply reeked. The actress who played Bella, in particular, was atrocious. She constantly had a vapid expression on her smiling face that would put even the most hardened bimbo to shame. When placed in situations where most normal people would feel upset (including a scene in which she comes close to being the target of the audience of a punk rocker she dumped), she simply turned the Joker grin dial from 11 to 10.

While I want to go on mutilating this dreck, I simply can't justify spending more time reviewing this until any more of this series is released (assuming that nothing happens to prevent this; i.e., in case it turns out that there actually is a kind and loving god other than FSM).

Note: It wasn't until after writing this that I found out that The Ex-List is apparently based off of a 2007 Israeli dramedy. If it is anywhere near as bad as what I saw, I'll take comfort in knowing that the West is not the only place plagued by shit this horrible. If not, I'll bring the Ex-List into evidence the next time I try explaining why I'm not spiritual (only after Kitty Genovese and the Holocaust fail to convince people).