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The AFI Top 100 Movies... In 5 Words Each
Because the only way to truly enjoy cinema classics is to reduce them to hollow shells of what they used to be.
The rules are simple: 5 words each, no more, no less. Think of them as "movie captions."
Be forewarned, some SPOILERS lie ahead:
Rosebud is a sled. Surprise!
2) Casablanca (1942)
Great love story. Plus: Nazis!
A movie you can’t refuse.
4) Gone with the Wind (1939)
Boring and long. Liked intermission.
5) Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
Sausage fest in the desert.
Needs a little Pink Floyd.
7) The Graduate (1967)
Mrs. Robinson? I’d hit it.
8) On the Waterfront (1954)
Now this is a “contendah.”
Hard to watch. Bring tissues.
10) Singin' in the Rain (1952)
Dude sings in the rain.
So sweet I contemplated suicide.
12) Sunset Boulevard (1950)
Dark, gritty Hollywood self-wankery.
13) The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
War burns bridges. Get it?
If "it" means Marilyn Monroe.
15) Star Wars (1977)
Lucas eventually ruins this: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
16) All About Eve (1950)
Extended catfight; clothes stay on.
17) The African Queen (1951)
Surprisingly, not a RuPaul biopic.
Encouraged me to stop showering.
19) Chinatown (1974)
Does not come with food.
20) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
Nicholson “pretends” to be crazy.
21) The Grapes of Wrath (1940)
The novel has more nudity.
Why isn’t anyone talking yet?
23) The Maltese Falcon (1941)
Badass guys smoke many cigarettes.
24) Raging Bull (1980)
De Niro’s fit, then fat.
A stranded alien is pedophilic.
26) Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
We are so fucking screwed.
27) Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
Hollywood, meet Sex and Violence.
Heart of Darkness, with napalm.
29) Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
Fiction with a capital “F.”
30) The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
Back then, Mexico seemed cool.
An hour-long panic attack.
32) The Godfather Part II (1974)
Advice: stop after this one.
33) High Noon (1952)
Newfound pacifist remembers killing’s cool.
34) To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
Sparknotes or this? Can’t decide.
35) It Happened One Night (1934)
Hint: “it” doesn’t mean sex.
X rating disappoints: only boobs.
37) The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
Mistreated vets: an American tradition.
38) Double Indemnity (1944)
Femme fatale deciphers insurance policies.
39) Doctor Zhivago (1965)
In USSR, movie censors you.
40) North by Northwest (1959)
Hitchcock makes a Bond film.
Gang violence becomes gang choreography.
42) Rear Window (1954)
Watch a guy watch guys.
Ape loves woman, ignores anatomy.
Holy shit, this is racist!
45) A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
Turns out, chivalry is dead.
Future criminals talk like idiots.
47) Taxi Driver (1976)
Dude is driven insane. (Harhar)
48) Jaws (1975)
Good until you see Jaws.
1937: family film. 2008: fetish.
50) Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
Newman and Redford: dream team.
51) The Philadelphia Story (1940)
Marry. Oops! Divorce. Oops! Remarry?
52) From Here to Eternity (1953)
Michael Bay, take some notes.
"Mozart” didn’t sound pretentious enough.
54) All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)
Except for a sniper. Shit.
55) The Sound of Music (1965)
Nazis hate on singing family.
A very long pilot episode.
57) The Third Man (1949)
AFI blooper! This film’s British.
58) Fantasia (1940)
Disney on an acid trip.
59) Rebel Without a Cause (1955)
Corrected: Emo Without a Cause
College professor bests Third Reich.
61) Vertigo (1958)
"Vertigo shot” introduces vomiting risk.
Dustin Hoffman at his sexiest.
63) Stagecoach (1939)
John Wayne is the man.
64) Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)
Aliens communicate using Casio keyboard.
Cannibal Hannibal manipulates darling Starling.
66) Network (1976)
“Television’s trashy!” – Pot, meet kettle.
67) The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
Communists develop mind control, magic.
68) An American in Paris (1951)
Locals deliberately give bad directions.
69) Shane (1953)
Badass gunslinger adopts pussy name.
They’re smuggling drugs, not croissants.
71) Forrest Gump (1994)
Being stupid looks like fun.
72) Ben-Hur (1959)
Fast and Furious: Coliseum Drift
73) Wuthering Heights (1939)
Fun for people with vaginas.
Is that Hitler performing slapstick?
75) Dances with Wolves (1990)
Indians struggle in pre-casino time.
76) City Lights (1931)
Missing sound hilariously pranks audience.
Lucas writes, directs…doesn’t suck?!
78) Rocky (1976)
Just this once: Stallone > Schwarzenegger
79) The Deer Hunter (1978)
Russian roulette, “in the shit.”
Blood everywhere. Bodies everywhere. Awesome.
81) Modern Times (1936)
Beware: silent movie; literacy required.
82) Giant (1956)
At 201 minutes, giant indeed.
Basically, Vietnam was fucked up.
84) Fargo (1996)
Hilarious. Literally everyone talks funny.
85) Duck Soup (1933)
Marx brothers wear identical moustaches.
86) Mutiny on the Bounty (1935)
MGM shits all over history.
Very scary, provided it’s 1931.
88) Easy Rider (1969)
Watch this one on drugs.
Patton gets high on war.
90) The Jazz Singer (1927)
Silent version: The Jazz Breather
91) My Fair Lady (1964)
Speech training makes woman tolerable.
92) A Place in the Sun (1951)
Winters, Taylor love triangle: Drool.
93) The Apartment (1960)
Dramedy. (Only needed one word.)
94? Are you shitting me?
95) Pulp Fiction (1994)
Cursing? Check. Violence? Check. Bible?...
96) The Searchers (1956)
Racist cowboys vs. racist Indians.
97) Bringing Up Baby (1938)
“Baby” is a leopard. WTF.
Eastwood ages, still kicks ass.
99) Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (1967)
A Yale-educated doctor! Except…
100) Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)
This is actually a song.
*This is the original AFI list from 1998.
The rules are simple: 5 words each, no more, no less. Think of them as "movie captions."
Be forewarned, some SPOILERS lie ahead:
Rosebud is a sled. Surprise!
2) Casablanca (1942)
Great love story. Plus: Nazis!
A movie you can’t refuse.
4) Gone with the Wind (1939)
Boring and long. Liked intermission.
5) Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
Sausage fest in the desert.
Needs a little Pink Floyd.
7) The Graduate (1967)
Mrs. Robinson? I’d hit it.
8) On the Waterfront (1954)
Now this is a “contendah.”
Hard to watch. Bring tissues.
10) Singin' in the Rain (1952)
Dude sings in the rain.
So sweet I contemplated suicide.
12) Sunset Boulevard (1950)
Dark, gritty Hollywood self-wankery.
13) The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
War burns bridges. Get it?
If "it" means Marilyn Monroe.
15) Star Wars (1977)
Lucas eventually ruins this: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
16) All About Eve (1950)
Extended catfight; clothes stay on.
17) The African Queen (1951)
Surprisingly, not a RuPaul biopic.
Encouraged me to stop showering.
19) Chinatown (1974)
Does not come with food.
20) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
Nicholson “pretends” to be crazy.
21) The Grapes of Wrath (1940)
The novel has more nudity.
Why isn’t anyone talking yet?
23) The Maltese Falcon (1941)
Badass guys smoke many cigarettes.
24) Raging Bull (1980)
De Niro’s fit, then fat.
A stranded alien is pedophilic.
26) Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
We are so fucking screwed.
27) Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
Hollywood, meet Sex and Violence.
Heart of Darkness, with napalm.
29) Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
Fiction with a capital “F.”
30) The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
Back then, Mexico seemed cool.
An hour-long panic attack.
32) The Godfather Part II (1974)
Advice: stop after this one.
33) High Noon (1952)
Newfound pacifist remembers killing’s cool.
34) To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
Sparknotes or this? Can’t decide.
35) It Happened One Night (1934)
Hint: “it” doesn’t mean sex.
X rating disappoints: only boobs.
37) The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
Mistreated vets: an American tradition.
38) Double Indemnity (1944)
Femme fatale deciphers insurance policies.
39) Doctor Zhivago (1965)
In USSR, movie censors you.
40) North by Northwest (1959)
Hitchcock makes a Bond film.
Gang violence becomes gang choreography.
42) Rear Window (1954)
Watch a guy watch guys.
Ape loves woman, ignores anatomy.
Holy shit, this is racist!
45) A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
Turns out, chivalry is dead.
Future criminals talk like idiots.
47) Taxi Driver (1976)
Dude is driven insane. (Harhar)
48) Jaws (1975)
Good until you see Jaws.
1937: family film. 2008: fetish.
50) Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
Newman and Redford: dream team.
51) The Philadelphia Story (1940)
Marry. Oops! Divorce. Oops! Remarry?
52) From Here to Eternity (1953)
Michael Bay, take some notes.
"Mozart” didn’t sound pretentious enough.
54) All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)
Except for a sniper. Shit.
55) The Sound of Music (1965)
Nazis hate on singing family.
A very long pilot episode.
57) The Third Man (1949)
AFI blooper! This film’s British.
58) Fantasia (1940)
Disney on an acid trip.
59) Rebel Without a Cause (1955)
Corrected: Emo Without a Cause
College professor bests Third Reich.
61) Vertigo (1958)
"Vertigo shot” introduces vomiting risk.
Dustin Hoffman at his sexiest.
63) Stagecoach (1939)
John Wayne is the man.
64) Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)
Aliens communicate using Casio keyboard.
Cannibal Hannibal manipulates darling Starling.
66) Network (1976)
“Television’s trashy!” – Pot, meet kettle.
67) The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
Communists develop mind control, magic.
68) An American in Paris (1951)
Locals deliberately give bad directions.
69) Shane (1953)
Badass gunslinger adopts pussy name.
They’re smuggling drugs, not croissants.
71) Forrest Gump (1994)
Being stupid looks like fun.
72) Ben-Hur (1959)
Fast and Furious: Coliseum Drift
73) Wuthering Heights (1939)
Fun for people with vaginas.
Is that Hitler performing slapstick?
75) Dances with Wolves (1990)
Indians struggle in pre-casino time.
76) City Lights (1931)
Missing sound hilariously pranks audience.
Lucas writes, directs…doesn’t suck?!
78) Rocky (1976)
Just this once: Stallone > Schwarzenegger
79) The Deer Hunter (1978)
Russian roulette, “in the shit.”
Blood everywhere. Bodies everywhere. Awesome.
81) Modern Times (1936)
Beware: silent movie; literacy required.
82) Giant (1956)
At 201 minutes, giant indeed.
Basically, Vietnam was fucked up.
84) Fargo (1996)
Hilarious. Literally everyone talks funny.
85) Duck Soup (1933)
Marx brothers wear identical moustaches.
86) Mutiny on the Bounty (1935)
MGM shits all over history.
Very scary, provided it’s 1931.
88) Easy Rider (1969)
Watch this one on drugs.
Patton gets high on war.
90) The Jazz Singer (1927)
Silent version: The Jazz Breather
91) My Fair Lady (1964)
Speech training makes woman tolerable.
92) A Place in the Sun (1951)
Winters, Taylor love triangle: Drool.
93) The Apartment (1960)
Dramedy. (Only needed one word.)
94? Are you shitting me?
95) Pulp Fiction (1994)
Cursing? Check. Violence? Check. Bible?...
96) The Searchers (1956)
Racist cowboys vs. racist Indians.
97) Bringing Up Baby (1938)
“Baby” is a leopard. WTF.
Eastwood ages, still kicks ass.
99) Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (1967)
A Yale-educated doctor! Except…
100) Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)
This is actually a song.
*This is the original AFI list from 1998.
Add a Comment
27 Comments
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Comment by khuff92 on July 1, 2009 at 9:13pm - Ha ha. Very Nice.
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Comment by Liam T on November 9, 2008 at 7:33am - "Just so you know...I have a vagina" Tessa I think we all need proof of this.....
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Comment by tibbs on November 8, 2008 at 2:22am - Gonna take this list with me next time when I go to the video store.
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Comment by tibbs on November 8, 2008 at 2:22am
- Gonna take this list with me next time when I go to the video store.
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Comment by Christian on October 10, 2008 at 2:46pm - i've never understood why citizen cane is #1
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Comment by peggy on September 9, 2008 at 3:50pm - Interesting perspective from a young adult. I actually agree with most of your reviews!
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Comment by Paul Mampilly on July 4, 2008 at 12:05pm -
Got a couple for you guys
Titanic: Iceberg, Ship, Predictable Ending
Do The Right Thing: Pizzaboy Becomes a Garbageman
Sixth Sense: Dead See Cole
Goodfellas: Pesci Doesn't Clown Around.
Godfather: Sonny Corleone becomes holey.
Forrest Gump: Gump Fiction through history.
Pulp Fiction: Travolta. Thurman. Tarantino. Terrific
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Comment by Boston Rob on July 4, 2008 at 7:59am
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Here's the synopses for the new movies:
The General
When war was silent, funny
Intolerance
Why can’t everybody get along?
Nashville
Country music is awesome, heartless
Sullivan’s Travels
CGI really sucked in 1941
Cabaret
Women fucks men, transvestites, Nazis
Saving Private Ryan
Americans never have moral ambiguity
In the Heat of the Night
The civil war ended, guys
All the President’s Men
Most boring presidential assassination ever
Spartacus
Sexy men in sexy tunics
Sunrise
Women’re evil, except when not
Titanic
You are fucking shitting me
A Night at the Opera
Marx Bros. at their best
12 Angry Men
Trial law: the condensed version
Sixth Sense
Bruce Willis: worst ghost ever
Swing Time
Much dancing, no boobs/explosions
Sophie’s Choice
The Nazis were total dickheads
The Last Picture Show
Nothing to do in Texas
Do the Right Thing
Right thing: stop shooting everyone!
Blade Runner
Hot android on android action!
Toy Story
Wherein Hanks stops being good
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Comment by Luis Pabon on July 3, 2008 at 1:56pm - good job man, i think of some others that might fit.
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Comment by coffeebot on July 3, 2008 at 10:00am
- poetic mastery
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