Cloverfield Review or JJ Abrahms owes me 84 minutes and $18!!!

Cloverfield Review

***Spolier Alert***

If you don't want to know happens in the film ignore this post


This is my review for the new movie Cloverfield. I admit the teaser trailer from the Transformer Movies. I was

wondering just like everybody elses is it a monster movie? Alien attack? What? Well I went to see it friday with my

brother and you want to know what it is? A waste of 18$ and 84 minutes of my life. The movie starts out with a party

for a one of the guys moving away to Japan. The whole movie's viewpoint is from handheld camera. Which is why

people compare it with the faux documentary "The Blair With Project". This is both a good and bad point for the

movie but more on that later. Anyway they throw a surprise party for the guy leaving. The camera man goes around

getting good bye speeches for the camera. I like this scene. While all the actors are unknowns they are preety good

and give you a sense that their friends and are connected to each other. The problem? IT'S TO LONG!!! This scene is

15-20 minutes of the film. So literally the 1/4 of the film is just them standing around talking with the movie only 84

minutes long. Well any way we find out that the guy throwing the party for slept with he' friend/girlfriend is unwilling to

connect with her because he moving to Japan. The P***y. know the guy...You know what? I could look up their

names on Wikipedia but screw it! Here' all the people who matter. The P***y, he's brother, the brothers fiancée,

camera guy, girlfriend of P***y and other chick. I don't care enough about them to look it up. Alright so P***y and

girlfriend fight and she storms out. we reach the 20 minute mark and finally something happens in the form of an

earthquake. They all head to the roof and see an explosion. They head to the street and we see the money shot from

the trailer:The statue of liberty’s head landing in the middle of the street. When the power returns the news comes on

and tells that a barge hit the statue of liberty. Now I infer that the monster came from the barge but the movie never

confirms it. We don't learn anything about the monster.Is it alien, pre-historic fish/dinosaur, Godzilla's inbred cousin?

the movie doesn't tell what it is or where it's from, if it was in the tanker where was the boat coming from, where was

it headed and why it was being shipped in the first place. Anyway they decide to leave by the Brooklyn Bridge. The

p***y gets a call from girlfriend on the bridge and stops to call her ignoring the fact they saw a monster the size of

skyscraper. The monster attacks the bridge and the brother bites it. P***y battery dies and he goes into a conviently

near by radio shack to get a new one for he’s cell so he can call girlfriend. You think with he’s brother dead and the

creature from the deep he have other things on he’s mind besides getting tail. And the camera man is worst. He

doesn’t seem to focus on important things. If you were in New York and a monster attacks would you focus on that

or your friend trying to find cell phone battery? Anyway they decide to walk the subway tunnels to get to girlfriend. In

the dark there attack by some kind of giant spider things that the big monster drops. The camera man must the

world’s worst because we never get a good look at them because the camera shakes so much. I know your think

he’s an amateur it’s not supposed to be perfect and I know but you think he be able to get a good shot while. If

you’re prone to motion sickness you might want to avoid this. Back the story other girl get bitten and they continue

onward and meet up with the military and are taken to a triage center. Ala alien’s other chick has something burst

out of her killing her. P***y despite the fact another person dies he still goes forward. General Patton He is not. He’s

risked the life of 3 other people one who died and still doesn’t even try to force the others to stay behind. The military

tell him about choppers that will take off and say they won’t stop them if they want to go. Hey I don’t blame him if he

wants’ to risk he’s life out of guilt from a lover spat more room in the chopper for me. So they finally get to girlfriends

apartment. She has a steel rod through her chest but is somehow alive. Oh come on!!! You mean to tell me she had

a steel rod in her chest but somehow is alive after the better part of an hour. Finally they get to the chopper fiancée

takes one with the other three in another. They fly over the city as the military launches a counter strike. The

monster knocks the three’s chopper down. Amazingly the after a several story fall the three survive but the pilots

don’t. Even the camcorder makes it. Then finally it happens. Camera man turns around and is face to face with the

beast giving us our first good look it. Needless to say bye bye camera man. Girlfriend and P***y propmtlyrelese fecal

matter in their pants and run. But not before picking up the camera. I know it would end the movie but if an extra from

a Japanese monster movie was staring you down would you pick up your camera? Anyway they make it to a bridge

say their final words to the camera and are crushed beneath the rubble but not before their final clichéd “I love”

speech. The camera goes to some footage he used from the day before and tries for some ironic/sentimental crap.

Something might of happened in the credits but I couldn’t stand it anymore. 2/5 in my opnion. The monster was cool,

the actors weren’t terrible, and there were some lines that made me laugh. I suggest you just wait 3 months and rent

it cause there no reason to see this in theaters.