Let’s face it, everyone is super pumped to see The Dark Knight this summer. Everyone was also pumped to see Iron Man, the official Summer 2008 kick-off film. During the “Summer of the Superhero,” many debates have formed on various websites for both comic nerds and film geeks. Now it’s my turn. In what I’m calling “The Battle of the Billionaires,” who would reign as king: Tony ‘Iron Man’ Stark or Bruce ‘Batman’ Wayne?


THE ORIGIN

Batman: Born and raised in Gotham City. As a child, his parents were killed, sending him into an unimaginable fury. When he wasn’t building his business and restoring Gotham City, he was traveling the world learning the craft of martial arts. The ladies love him and the guys want to be him. He’s motherfucking Batman!

Iron Man: He’s a spoiled, rich guy who went to the best schools and took over his father’s business. He has since brought a lot of fame and fortune to Stark Industries, giving him a lot of public attention. He’s a bit of an alcoholic, but that doesn’t stop him from being a total ladies man. He’s also pretty hilarious and crafty as hell, hence the rockin’ suit.


THE REASON FOR HEROISM

Batman: He witnesses his parent’s brutal death as a young kid. In the comics, it’s never revealed who the killer is, but in Tim Burton’s Batman, the mugger is later on revealed to be The Joker. He’s pissed as hell and seeking revenge by any means necessary

Iron Man: While overseas, he witnesses first hand how his own weaponry is used against his country and himself. After terrorists kill a good friend, he gets pissed, makes a bitchin’ suit and destroys faces.

Winner: Batman – Nothing comes between a boy and his parents. Nothing.


THE SUIT

Batman: He’s got a shitload of gadgets, but aside from that, his costume’s pretty generic. Sure, it looks nice, but in the end it can get pretty banged up. The gadgets he has, however, are unique and useful, often times saving his ass.

Iron Man: Do I really need to gush about how amazing his costume is? It’s made out of iron. He uses jets to fly. He shoots rockets out of his hands. His fucking chest glows! It’s computer skills at their finest.

Winner: Iron Man – He went to college at MIT for robotics and owns a weaponry corporation. He knows his shit and it shows.


THE SKILL

Batman: He’s trained in martial arts. He’s agile like a cat and crazy like a fox. How many more animal comparisons can I use to describe this guy? Several. He can kill you with one punch.

Iron Man: Let’s face it, without that suit, he’s not much. He’d also have a really hard time sneaking up on anyone while wearing hundreds of pounds of iron. Eventually, he learns karate from Captain America, but studying with one person is something you and I could do.

Winner: Batman – He’d kill you and you wouldn’t even know what hit you.


THE STRENGTH

Batman: Again, he knows kung-fu and tae kwon doe and all that shit. Compared to a normal person, he’s mad tough.

Iron Man: With the suit, he’s a death machine. Hands down.

Winner: Iron Man – He’ll stomp your goofy ass.


THE BRAINS

Batman: He has trained with some of the best people in the world. He’s also studied various sciences, acting and even dabbled in detecting. He managed to save an entire city both financially and physically. The best part about Batman though is that no one knows it’s him. He manages to have the biggest business in Gotham City, plays an active role in public and not a single soul knows he’s the one who’s behind the mask.

Iron Man: He’s gone to a bunch of Ivy League schools (fictionalized of course, except in the movie), so he’s no dumbass. He also runs a successful company and designs a bunch of weapons. On the down side, in the comics he’s gone bankrupt and had to start the company from the ground up again and again. Smart guys don’t do that.

Winner: Batman – Tough call, but I think the whole sneaky-double-identity-while-being-huge-public-figure thing outweighs college education.


THE ENEMIES

Batman: Most, if not all, his enemies are serial killers and/or psychopaths. Sure, some of them have specific methods of destruction (i.e. Scarecrow’s gas, Penguin’s umbrella, Mr. Freeze’s freezing gun, etc.), but the methods are by no means super powers. His enemies all have powers they have created themselves or insane quirks they’ve picked up over the years. They’re all terrifying and totally badass.

Iron Man: He fights mostly people who have super rad suits just like him. Sure, it’s interesting, but it’s pretty typical. Also, most of his enemies are technology based just like him. Way to be a trendsetter!

Winner: Batman – I’ll take a Brains vs. Brains/Brawn fight over a Brawn vs. Brawn fight any day.


THE LADIES

Batman: Ladies love rich guys and this one’s got some dough. He’s also got that whole mysterious thing about him, which is hella sexy. The thing is, though, it’s all an act. The dude has a reputation to protect.

Iron Man: This guy will charm your pants off, literally. He’s funny, he’s smart and he’s rich. No complaints here.

Winner: Iron Man – He’s flashy and bitches like that.


THE COMPANIES

Batman: He runs Wayne Industries. It’s sort of the Wal-Mart (only cooler) of Gotham City. This guy has a lot of cash. He could buy you 20 cars if he wanted to. Wayne Industries is also a huge participant in various charities and helps out the city as much as he can.

Iron Man: He took over Stark Industries after his father and has since developed it into a strong company. It’s deeply rooted in the government, being that it buys most of, if not all, of its weapons from it. This guy’s got power. He’s also got several security clearances from the government. Not many people can say that.

Winner: Iron Man – If you mess with this guy’s company, I feel sorry for you.


THE MONEY

According to Forbes.com, Bruce ‘Batman’ Wayne outranks Tony ‘Iron Man’ Stark on the list of Richest Make-Believe Characters. Bruce Wayne is at number 8 with 7 billion dollars. Tony Stark rated at number 10 with 6 billion.


WINNER OVERALL

It was a close call, but Bruce Wayne is the winner!

Even though Mr. Stark is more entertaining, Bruce Wayne is the better hero. In fact, Bruce Wayne doesn't exist. He is Batman's mask, and Wayne Enterprises is Batman’s crime-fighting fund.


-Tessa,
Spill Staff Writer