If it's crap ... We'll tell you
Hollywood will never learn. Fox learned their lesson but now Lion's Gate is stepping behind the (*ahem*) "filmmakers" for their next 90 minute shitty-reference-a-thon Disaster Movie...also known as Goody Two Shoes. Well, I'm glad Fox stopped working with them. Either Lion's Gate offered them a better deal, or Fox is finally wising up. Sadly nobody put these SOB's in film-jail for their terrible suicidal-thought-enducing movies. However, big fraking surprise that Lion's Gate picked them up...same folks who greenlit all of the Larry the Cable Guy movies and the next 17 Saw movies and its impersonators. Sure the studio's produced and distributed a few decent films, but their standards are running low.
Lion's Gate..The Mark of Quality
So here's the scoop on this Disaster. Note I will keep making the "clever" references to its title as hopefully it will live up to its title and thus end their careers. So the film is mostly supposed to be a spoof of Superbad. *sigh* Just as the Superbad hype was finally dying down. I love that movie and all, but Jesus H. Christ did it get annoying hearing kids quote it all the time. That's the biggest flaw I've noticed about their last two movies (this and Spartans). Parodying the two movies that, yes, were huge hits and everybody was down on their knees, sucking them off. Now the hype is dying down and the fickle public is distracted by a shiny new toy to stare at. But the duo is far behind on the times. A year later we got the 9000th 300 parody, and with almost every joke that's been done a thousand times (ie. "gay spartan jokes") and crappy references to pop culture that nobody with an IQ above 7 gives a crap about anyway. I mean, if they really must write, they should do Mad TV or something. Be more up to date. Yes, I'll give these guys advice, not that it'll give them more talent. Next, they're spoofing Hancock, Sex & The City, The Love Guru, Juno, and The Incredible Hulk. I can see the Juno "joke" now...."Look at me...I'm a sarcastic teenage girl and I'm pregnant. (**insert smartass comment here**)" and the Hulk comes in and punches her in her pregnant stomach. Am I right, Mister "Filmmakers"? Did I predict your "joke"? Just a step above the nutshots. Way to raise the bar.
Now reading further down this article I'm reading here, here's a joke that just makes me sick. McLovin, meet...McLover. McLover? Are you fraking kidding me? Oh but wait, it's gets worse. It gets a lot...lot...worse. They are looking for an actor to parody HEATH LEDGER!! Oh, come on! Gee, that's not in poor taste. Not at all. Oh, and Jamie Lynn Spears. Hm...maybe she and Juno have a pregnant-lesbian love scene? Michael Jackson is gonna steal their babies? Yes, they're looking for a Michael. Haven't we stopped making "Michael Jackson jokes" in 2005? Oh, and Paris Hilton makes her glorious return!! But the funny thing is they're looking for an actress to play her. Something tells me the actress from the last two movies was like "ok, this is ruining my reputation. I am an actress, dammit!" If only Carmen Electra and Nicole Parker had that kind of integrity. Nope, they're working with the duo again. Aside from those two, not one recognizable name. Well, after Kevin Sorbo officially killed his career for good and his integrity as a remotely-legit actor, it doesn't surprise me. Anybody smart doesn't seem to be interested so far. And it looks like they never will, as apparently they are filming the movie right now. Hopefully this will finally put the kibosh on their career. If anything, they're doing for film what George W. Bush is doing for politics. If they can do it and succeed, anyone can.
Folks, if you have any self-respect, avoid this film and help end their careers. Everytime I see an ad for the Meet the Spartans DVD, I wish they were the victims in Funny Games. Nothing I'd like to see more than Michael Pitt whacking these morons aside the head with a golf club.
Go on, Pitt. Take those clubs. Track those guys down.
Then again...it's wishful thinking. I mean Denis Leary said it himself in No Cure for Cancer: "Mmm mm, cuz every time you hear about some famous guy overdosing on drugs, it's always some really talented guy. It's always like Len Bias, or Janis Joplin, or Jimi Hendrix, or John Belushi. You know what I mean!? The people you wanna have overdose on drugs never would! Like Motley Crue would never fucking overdose man, never! You could put them in a room with two tons of crack. They come out a half an hour later, "Rock on man!" "Shit, they're still alive. Fuck! They're probly gonna make another double-live album now, God dammit!"
Oh well...a man can dream. A man can dream....
pfft...McLover. Jesus. Freidberg...Seltzer...McFuck yourselves. McAllister out.