The Village

This is a review I wrote following a vote on my blogger account. My "viewers" wanted me to review The Village. My first thought was, FUCK THAT! But then I did it anyway, gotta give the fans(?) what they want...

God Damn…I can’t believe I just sat through that again…I really hope your all happy because I sure as hell am, after all I just had the privilege of rediscovering why I have no faith in M. Night Shyamalan. I feel violated! I need a drink.

To make my intentions perfectly clear, this is not a review this is a rant. There will be spoilers all over the place and because of the nature of the movie the problem lies with the twists, so I’m going to have to give away the ending. If you have any intention of seeing The Village I suggest you not read any farther then this paragraph. Technically it’s a D movie and has its good points it’s not an F as you may have assumed. But the nature of it’s problems causes it to be a complete disappointment and I don’t think many people will actually enjoy it.

The good parts of this movie all revolve around the creation of suspense. There are actually some really good scenes in this movie that leave you wanting more. Sadly they leave you wanting more of the monsters and, well…I’ll get to that later. It’s hard for me to think of much else that is good about this film. The setting is pretty good and it works to help create suspense, and I must say the person who plays the retard gives a very believable performance. Nothing else really can be said about good points. So now to my favourite part the problems.

So to start off most of the acting and dialogue is bad. It’s written like some kind of melodramatic high school play, full of emotion and poor old English with no real depth. Some of the acting is decent but over all there were only a few lines worth listening to, a few that had some artistic value, but they’re wasted on this piece of shit script. Though I did enjoy Joaquin Phoenix’s performance, but once again wasted.

Now to get to the real problem here, the twists. Or the paradigm shifts as Night calls them, pretentious bastard as he is. He doesn’t seem to understand you don’t need a twist and second twist doesn’t make up for the first and so on…Yes there is more than one shitty twist in this movie, and the only reason you don’t see them coming is you think they're to stupid to ever happen. I’ll explain this in a segment called…

Nightmare's Top Three Stupid Twists!

#3 The Monsters aren’t real! They are just people in suits, who thought that would be a good idea!? It kind of ruins the suspense when you know the monster isn’t real and not at all threatening.

#2 Though I’m going out of order the last twist is my second worst. They’re not in the past they are actually living in present day but don’t know it. This twist has no artistic value it’s just random. They do leave hints and when I first watched the movie I saw it coming but figured it was to stupid to be the actual twist, I was wrong…

#1 The retard is the monster! WTF, you mean to tell me this terroristic plot was all orchestrated by the retard? He’s been scaring the town the whole time, and he’s the one chasing the blind chick through the woods as well? Wait one second they left one of the suits under the floorboards, why? They have a special building for this stuff. Why put a suit under the floor?

So now I should explain why I hate this movie so much. I went to see this in the theatres after seeing the far superior Signs. At the time this was my favourite movie and I was mad I hadn’t seen it in theatres. I decided I had to see the Village in theatres because I was sure it would be amazing. I was so sure it would change my life I even went by myself as no one else wanted to see it. So there I was alone staring into the abyss, and when it started to stare back I knew I had gone mad. The room seemed to spin, even though my body was a stationary mass of flesh cowering in the theatre's corner. I rocked silently with one thought repeating in my head, “it has to get better”. But it never did…

Oh and the theatre I was in got an uncut reel as well. And I don’t mean it had deleted scenes, I mean it was unfinished. Towards the end there were scenes that still had the boom mick in them. Half the theatre left at that point and they were the lucky ones as they weren’t present to witness the final few twists that left me the hollow soulless individual I am today. God damn this movie is shit!

So now that I have finished opening up this large cinematic scar I only have one thing left to ask. Are you happy?


I know I am… :)