Blu-ray you ask? For some reason they sent this horror sequel to me in the format that I've told them repeatedly that I do not own (and most likely will not unless one falls off the back of a truck or something) but guess who DID get suckered into buying one...that's right loyal Spillions, Jason, who, admittedly, I probably would have foisted this off on anyways. At least he found a way to have fun with it...more than I probably could have done.

Rather than review this film, I’d like to present you with this – a pre-production conversation between the director, Shawn Papazian, and Tony Krantz, producer of "Rest Stop: Don’t Look Back". ‘Don’t Look Back’ is the sequel to the 2006 tour de force, "Rest Stop".

And now on to our completely fabricated conversation, already in progress:

Papazian: With the lead character of Tom, I want it to tackle the lack of self one feels upon return from a conflict as complicated as Iraq. And the ever-present threat of post traumatic stress disorder.

Krantz: That’s. . . that’s a big word there, Papazuto.

Papazian: Papazian.

Krantz: Huh?

Papazian: Papazian. My name’s Papazian.

Krantz: That’s too much. What is that? Like Mexican or something?

Papazian: Armenian.

Krantz: Let’s go with Papa Z. Like McG. Or Tarsem. Something that really pops.

Papazian: Can we talk about this later?

Krantz: Anything, baby. Anything. (pauses to suck up 3 lines of coke) This is good. I like where we’re going with the film, but can we spend less time in the rest stop?

Papazian: Spend less time in the rest stop? Really?

Krantz: Like maybe five minutes.

Papazian: But it’s called ‘Rest Stop’. That’s the name of the movie. ‘Rest Stop’.

Krantz: Rest stops are so 2006. Five minutes. Then move on.

Papazian: Ok. You’re the boss.

Krantz: It’s great. A rest stop. A soldier. He’s tough. You know what we need? A Winnebago full of crazy people.

Papazian: What?

Krantz: Crazy DEAD people. Religious types. Acting like they’re on a road trip from "2000 Maniacs".

Papazian: But the rest stop . . .

Krantz: And a dwarf. A disfigured dwarf.

Papazian: I’m not sure –

Krantz: (does another line of coke) And a prophecy.

Papazian: You. . . I’m . . . What? A Winnebago? And a dwarf?

Krantz: And a prophecy.

Papazian: About . . . what? What’s this prophecy about? Like an Indian prophecy?

Krantz: Papazzy, please. ‘Indian’ is not the preferred nomenclature. ‘Native American’, please.

Papazian: But there aren’t any Ind – I mean, Native Americans in the movie.

Krantz: Meh. Whatever. We’ll put Steve Railsback in there. As a . . . a gas station attendant. With some sort of tie to the rest stop. And he can act like a Native American. All wise and stuff. Maybe he can only talk in clichés.

Papazian: Steve Railsback? The guy from "Lifeforce" and "Helter Skelter"?

Krantz: Yeah. He’s not doing anything these days. We’re paying him in Arby’s gift certificates.

Papazian: He gets Arby’s? I like Arby’s.

Krantz: Don’t push it, kid. So any way. Let’s talk about tits.

Papazian: Ooookaaaaay. What about them?

Krantz: I love ‘em.

Papazian: Sure. I’m a fan.

Krantz: We need tits.

Papazian: Well, there’s nothing in the script that –

Krantz: - Is there a girl?

Papazian: Well, there’s this one -

Krantz: -who shows her tits.

Papazian: But she’s kind of a tough girl-

Krantz: - who shows her tits.

Papazian: (sighs) Fine.

Krantz: Great! Move on.

Papazian: You know, Tony, I really wanted this to be an allegory for post-teenage confusion. Its like Kerouac, only far more threatening.

Krantz: That’s fantastic, baby. Can we dump 30 gallons of liquid shit on a guy?

Papazian: . . .

Krantz: Like from a port-a-potty?

Papazian: Well, the way this is going, that’s going to be a metaphor for the whole film.

Krantz: There you go with the big words again.

Papazian: Is any of this going to make sense? You’ve got a rest stop and tits and a freaky dwarf and a Winnebago. How am I going to pull this all together?!

Krantz: Not my problem. Just make it happen. Listen, we’re not trying to fix the global economy here. It’s a direct-to-video horror sequel.

Papazian: Wait. This is a sequel?

Krantz: Yeah. Pretty sure.

Papazian: Really? What’s the first one about?

Krantz: A rest stop. It’s haunted. I don’t know. I didn’t see it.

Papazian: Oh. So there’s a built in audience for this?

Krantz: Nah. Nobody saw the original. Just this Jason guy. And the director’s mom.

Papazian: But I guess it made enough to justify a sequel.

Krantz: Not really. I’m just bad with money.

Papazian: Well, where is all of the money going?

Krantz: Lighting. Set design. Blood and guts.

Papazian: The music is great. I’m thrilled with it.

Krantz: It’s better than this thing deserves. Don’t blow it.

Papazian: And you said ‘direct-to-video’. I thought we were going to go theatrical. At least art house or –

Krantz: Damn, you’re a funny kid, you know that?

Papazian: What about the dvd? Are we going to shoot a behind the scenes thing or something?

Krantz: Chapter selection! We’re going to pack this fucker with chapters!

Papazian: Chapter selection?

Krantz: Oh yeah. ALL of them. Selectable.

Papazian: OK. This has been. . . informative. I have a lot of work to do. And I need to find a Winnebago.

Krantz: Great job, kid! (one more line of coke) Leave it open for a sequel!

Spill.com takes no responsibility for anyone using this as a guide to make "Rest Stop 3".

Click Here to Buy "Rest Stop - Don't Look Back [Blu-ray]"