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Samuel L. Jackson is a Loud-Ass Motherfucker
How many of you Spilloids were shocked to see Samuel L. Jackson screaming like a loon in the trailer for Lakeview Terrace?
[Cue crickets]
Everyone knows this guy has talent, however, as the years go on, that talent seems to hide behind two things: 1) vocal chords and 2) uber powerful lungs. He’s more or less going for laughs and occasionally ruling at life when he does star in something semi-serious. Lakeview Terrace looks like it can go both ways, but I have the feeling his ferocious core will come to his box-office rescue once again.
Because he is such an amusing guy, however, I decided to test some of his screamed lines against the Motherfuck-O-Meter. The idea is, the more scary/creative the line, the higher the rank. Tell me your favorites and rank them below!
Hold-Up Man in Coming to America
Line: Who the fuck is this asshole?
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
Early on in his career, Sammy boy showed us what was soon to come when he played a pissed off robber in this classic Eddie Murphy flick. If I was Louie Anderson and he screamed at me like that, I’d be pissing my damn pants.
Gator Purify in Jungle Fever
Line: What the Hell am I gonna do with 75 cents?!
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
The only reason I put this one up was to show the public what happens when you give this man Ritalin (or crack, in this case). Bad, bad things! Where’s the charm? Where’s the gut-punching fierceness? Even though this was a great movie, Sam was too whiny for the meter...crack kills, kids. To his credit though, he has a pretty hilarious scene earlier in the movie.
Tat Lawson in Menace II Society
Line: Suck on this, Motherfucker!
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
Giving the meter its name, this is just a classic line. The fact he totally Swiss cheeses this guy while saying it makes its delivery that much better. Of course, if you were really in the ghetto and you really saw this going down, you’d be singing a different tune, but on-screen, it’s beautiful.
Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction
Line: Say 'what' again! Say 'what' again! I dare you! I double dare you, motherfucker! say 'what' one more Goddamn time!
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
I’m so happy the Academy didn’t act like a douchebag for five seconds when it decided to give Sammy L. an Oscar nod for this. Picking the best screamed line from this movie was like a mother choosing her favorite child (although we know there always is one).
Ordell Robbie in Jackie Brown
Line: Motherfucker hung up on me. You believe this shit? Ingrate n****! See? You bring a motherfucker up. Next thing you know, they breakin' ya off some goddamned disrespect. Motherfuck. Shit.
**NOT THE SCENE, BUT ANOTHER GOOD ONE**
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
Sam as Ordell Robbie was a semi-collected person until this happened (let’s face it, any role Jackson’s in is never QUITE calm). I’m not sure about you guys, but this moment definitely made me say, “Ruh-roh!”
Neville Flynn in Snakes on a Plane
Line: Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
Did you really think I could forget this one? This line STILL haunts me every time I go out to the bars (stupid drunks…). Not only is it full of anger and hate, but it’s by far the funniest line anyone could ever say. He knows how ridiculous it is, and when he pokes fun of himself, it’s golden.
Zeus Carver in Die Hard: With a Vengeance
Line: Sitting in the fucking road! Waiting on the moors! How the Hell should I know?
**ORIGINAL TRAILER**
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
Not only is he pissed off, but he’s getting a little creative along with it, which is why this quote score is so high. Half of the people reading this probably don’t even know who the moors are, which is why it makes it ever better. Nerd humor!
Carl Lee Hailey in A Time to Kill
Line: Yes, they deserved to die and I hope they burn in hell!
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
You know shit’s going down when race issues rear their ugly heads. This movie was fucking intense and this line just sent that right over the edge. Thanks to Dave Chappell, we can finally laugh at it (nervously).
Trevor Garfield in 187
Line: Your whole way of life is bullshit!
**LINE STARTS AT 3:57 - CONTAINS HUGE SPOILERS**
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
Oh, how I love watching authority figures belittle those underneath him for the sake of teaching them a lesson. Just a warning, though, this scene is intense. Moral of the story: teens are just punk ass bitches who need to realize their way of thinking is NEVER normal. That’s right kids, I’m talking to you…and so is Sammy.
John Shaft in Shaft
Line: How bout I workshop my foot in your ass!
**FULL-LENGTH THEATRICAL TRAILER**
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
This makes me giggle just thinking about it. Again, he has that whole hilarious-but-pissed thing working in his favor as he’s playing John Shaft. Plus, that was just a classic late-90s/early millennia comeback, which will never grow old in the hearts of its youth.
[Cue crickets]
Everyone knows this guy has talent, however, as the years go on, that talent seems to hide behind two things: 1) vocal chords and 2) uber powerful lungs. He’s more or less going for laughs and occasionally ruling at life when he does star in something semi-serious. Lakeview Terrace looks like it can go both ways, but I have the feeling his ferocious core will come to his box-office rescue once again.
Because he is such an amusing guy, however, I decided to test some of his screamed lines against the Motherfuck-O-Meter. The idea is, the more scary/creative the line, the higher the rank. Tell me your favorites and rank them below!
Hold-Up Man in Coming to America
Line: Who the fuck is this asshole?
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
Early on in his career, Sammy boy showed us what was soon to come when he played a pissed off robber in this classic Eddie Murphy flick. If I was Louie Anderson and he screamed at me like that, I’d be pissing my damn pants.
Gator Purify in Jungle Fever
Line: What the Hell am I gonna do with 75 cents?!
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
The only reason I put this one up was to show the public what happens when you give this man Ritalin (or crack, in this case). Bad, bad things! Where’s the charm? Where’s the gut-punching fierceness? Even though this was a great movie, Sam was too whiny for the meter...crack kills, kids. To his credit though, he has a pretty hilarious scene earlier in the movie.
Tat Lawson in Menace II Society
Line: Suck on this, Motherfucker!
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
Giving the meter its name, this is just a classic line. The fact he totally Swiss cheeses this guy while saying it makes its delivery that much better. Of course, if you were really in the ghetto and you really saw this going down, you’d be singing a different tune, but on-screen, it’s beautiful.
Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction
Line: Say 'what' again! Say 'what' again! I dare you! I double dare you, motherfucker! say 'what' one more Goddamn time!
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
I’m so happy the Academy didn’t act like a douchebag for five seconds when it decided to give Sammy L. an Oscar nod for this. Picking the best screamed line from this movie was like a mother choosing her favorite child (although we know there always is one).
Ordell Robbie in Jackie Brown
Line: Motherfucker hung up on me. You believe this shit? Ingrate n****! See? You bring a motherfucker up. Next thing you know, they breakin' ya off some goddamned disrespect. Motherfuck. Shit.
**NOT THE SCENE, BUT ANOTHER GOOD ONE**
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
Sam as Ordell Robbie was a semi-collected person until this happened (let’s face it, any role Jackson’s in is never QUITE calm). I’m not sure about you guys, but this moment definitely made me say, “Ruh-roh!”
Neville Flynn in Snakes on a Plane
Line: Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
Did you really think I could forget this one? This line STILL haunts me every time I go out to the bars (stupid drunks…). Not only is it full of anger and hate, but it’s by far the funniest line anyone could ever say. He knows how ridiculous it is, and when he pokes fun of himself, it’s golden.
Zeus Carver in Die Hard: With a Vengeance
Line: Sitting in the fucking road! Waiting on the moors! How the Hell should I know?
**ORIGINAL TRAILER**
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
Not only is he pissed off, but he’s getting a little creative along with it, which is why this quote score is so high. Half of the people reading this probably don’t even know who the moors are, which is why it makes it ever better. Nerd humor!
Carl Lee Hailey in A Time to Kill
Line: Yes, they deserved to die and I hope they burn in hell!
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
You know shit’s going down when race issues rear their ugly heads. This movie was fucking intense and this line just sent that right over the edge. Thanks to Dave Chappell, we can finally laugh at it (nervously).
Trevor Garfield in 187
Line: Your whole way of life is bullshit!
**LINE STARTS AT 3:57 - CONTAINS HUGE SPOILERS**
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
Oh, how I love watching authority figures belittle those underneath him for the sake of teaching them a lesson. Just a warning, though, this scene is intense. Moral of the story: teens are just punk ass bitches who need to realize their way of thinking is NEVER normal. That’s right kids, I’m talking to you…and so is Sammy.
John Shaft in Shaft
Line: How bout I workshop my foot in your ass!
**FULL-LENGTH THEATRICAL TRAILER**
Motherfuck-O-Meter:
This makes me giggle just thinking about it. Again, he has that whole hilarious-but-pissed thing working in his favor as he’s playing John Shaft. Plus, that was just a classic late-90s/early millennia comeback, which will never grow old in the hearts of its youth.
Comment
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Comment by danieldpk on December 30, 2009 at 2:41pm -
what can i say...
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Comment by Mark Stronger on September 18, 2008 at 11:00am -
Damn it Tessa youve done it again,a great list
What is ur job in real life Tessa?Your good at doing this things
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Comment by Lisa Simpson on September 18, 2008 at 7:42am -
Dude, Meanace II Society totally ROCKED
Lisa
www.anonymize.us.tc
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Comment by Scott_PJ on September 18, 2008 at 2:55am - Oh man, that was a great list. Well done Tessa. Very lulzy too.
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Comment by Serpent Overlord Xavier on September 17, 2008 at 11:36pm -
As a matter of fact, I think the only movies he didn't yell in were the Star Wars movies.
Very good post. brings back memories.
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Comment by The Hungry Wolf on September 17, 2008 at 10:45pm -
Somebody shoulda made this list a looong time ago, Thank you Tessa.
I love Samuel Jackson, his best line is defnitally the one from "A time to kill", the amount of emotion in his expression alone is amazing, and ofcourse pulp fiction, 'nuff said.
On a side note, I havent seen 187, but goddamn..that was super-intense..
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Comment by matt jones on September 17, 2008 at 8:00pm - shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
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Comment by young_FiLmer_200 on September 17, 2008 at 5:34pm -
wat about The Man?
"Fuck Crying out loud"
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Comment by Badman3000 aka H.N.I.C on September 17, 2008 at 5:08pm - Samuel L. Jackson vs batman
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Comment by TSweet7 on September 17, 2008 at 5:01pm - Thanks so much for your blog post. I needed a good laugh today watching his infamous line from "A Time To Kill." That is DEFINITELY my fave. The Dave Chappelle commercial is completely classic! I'm actually too frightened of Samuel L.'s character in "Lakeview Terrace." Every time I see the trailer, I say aloud, "I really CAN'T see Jackson like that." LOL
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