Michael Bay's Rejected "The Dark Knight" Script

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Comment by Jonathan on July 12, 2008 at 10:29am

Hmm. How would Bay cast THE DARK KNIGHT if he had directed it? Let's see. Probably Nic Cage as Batman, Harry Humphries as Alfred, Ewen Bremner as the Joker, Ben Affleck as Two-Face, Sean Connery as Gordon, and Megan Fox as Rachel Dawes because Ms. Fox is the HOTTEST WOMAN ON EARTH (tm)! Holy hell that sounds AWFUL! I hate when the brain does that.

Comment by Jonathan on July 12, 2008 at 10:22am

Don't forget the accompanying Steve Jablonsky/Hans Zimmer-ish score. Those talking scenes will frickin rock hard with them drums in the background harshly interrupted by guitar solo. And the camera whippin all over de place.

Comment by JeffSon on July 11, 2008 at 2:43am

I'm still trying to figure out how Batman can shoot his own back. Can he bend his arm like that while wearing a neoprene rubber suit?

Comment by Jared on July 10, 2008 at 3:51pm

Haha! I'm afraid Michael Bay is TOO AWESOME to read things.

Comment by Grant on July 10, 2008 at 3:50pm

Jared, if you could get Bay to edit this to include a works cited page, I think it would make some people a lot happier.

Comment by Jared on July 10, 2008 at 3:40pm

Regarding the Penny Arcade joke:

I'm a pretty big fan of those guys, so it of course upsets me that there's a lot of similarity with the internet/internets joke.

I've sent Tycho an e-mail thanking him and apologizing if any offense was caused.

To be fair though, while the wording is similar, I feel like this owes a lot to the fact that the source material we both had in mind while writing the jokes (Die Hard) lent itself so well to that sort of mockery. "Hack the internet" is a phrase I've tossed around with friends for a while, and though I won't pretend it's a Jared original, I do love it and think it's rather funny. The play on internet vs internets just seemed natural after that, given Bush's notorious flub.

Either way, I think you can appreciate both instances of the joke. The wording, while similar, plays out differently in subtle (but nonetheless significant IMO) ways. I happen to prefer mine. ;)

Comment by Mr Rube on July 10, 2008 at 3:27pm

Hmmm.... If I was going to cast this I'd say put Dane Cook as the joker, Van Dam as Bruce, Pamela Anderson as Rachel, and Gary Busey as Alfred. What a shit sandwich that would be.

Comment by Killbam on July 10, 2008 at 3:16pm

Way to steal from penny arcade.

Comment by Garga on July 10, 2008 at 12:44pm

This would have sucked big time. What a horrible script. Bay should stay far away from one of my favorite heros and stick to action figures. Nolan has done a pretty good job directing the Dark Knight

Comment by Elfzilla: Queen of Teapots on July 10, 2008 at 11:14am

That wins. :D I like all the slow motion and tit shots.

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