Adam Sandler has become death, the destroyer of worlds.
Farktoid back again with tonight’s Freeform Anger of
Bedtime Stories. As a disclaimer, I grew up on Adam Sandler movies. I contend to this day that Billy Madison is one of the single most brilliant comedies of modern history, and anyone who disagrees can jump into that pit in 300. The swan is still looking at me.
But let’s cut to the chase.
Bedtime Stories sounds like
A Night at the Museum sans the museum. So let’s li…
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Added by Farktoid on April 13, 2009 at 2:09am —
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By the look of the ol’ pocket watch my dad’s friend hid in his ass for two years and gave to me, it’s time for another inspiring taste of Freeform Anger. But tonight, I’m not sure how angry I’m going to get.
The almost-feature length animated film Dead Space: Downfall wormed its way…
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Added by Farktoid on April 8, 2009 at 12:00am —
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How are you gentlemen?! It’s Freeform ಠ_ಠ time! Tonight we dig our spork into another helping of Uwe Boll’s video game crapstravaganza. This time it’s
Far Cry. If you don’t know who Uwe Boll is, count your blessings and run screaming from your computer right now.
For the re…
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Added by Farktoid on April 1, 2009 at 12:33am —
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In the grand tradition of Freeform Anger changing shit up, tonight we present Freeform Awesome. Our feature this evening is “Punisher: War Zone,” another apparent reboot of the Punisher movies. And no Marvel hero has gotten more rebooting than Frank Fucking Castle.
A buddy of m…
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Added by Farktoid on March 28, 2009 at 1:23am —
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In tonight’s “Freeform Anger,” we set the Wayback of Fail Machine back to 2007 and fire our lazors on one of the easiest targets out there: Epic Movie.
This is another of those “Oh God why did they let someone do this” movies from the handjobs who wrote and
direct…
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Added by Farktoid on March 26, 2009 at 1:27am —
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The Zombie genre of movies is dead, was reanimated, and subsequently shot in the head with a .44 caliber bullet. Hear me out.
I've just concluded a viewing of "Dead Set," A BBC miniseries about another zombie outbreak in the UK during an episode of Big Brother and the trials of the cast of the show after the standard Apocalypse. Culture satirist and star of Screenwipes Charlie Brooker wrote this series, and I assure you if you've never seen Screenwipes, you need to get some Youtubes and watch t…
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Added by Farktoid on March 14, 2009 at 3:07am —
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This has been attempted many times, I'm sure, but I'm going to go ahead and try to create the definitive LEOG Drinking Game here. And as a gentleman who has found in his hands a bottle of weapons-grade alcohol at least 7 times in his life, this should be both fair and get ya'll fucked up proper.
GROUND RULES: This is created for those with mixed beverages. If you have beer, 1 sip = 1 gulp and 1 shot = chug for three seconds. if you have straight liquor, make sure you have 911 on speed dial and…
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Added by Farktoid on March 13, 2009 at 1:30am —
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Hey Spillios, trying something different tonight. Click the little play button down there and join me in raging against The Love Guru.
And as always, comments and suggestions for more Freeform Anger are always appreciated.
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Added by Farktoid on March 11, 2009 at 7:46pm —
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No. I’m not doing this. I’m not mentally prepared for this. No mortal would ever be prepared for this.
Members of Spill, I’m gripped with fear, but I have no choice. The Silver Surfer delivered tonight’s death wish “The Hottie and the Nottie” to my doorstep, with the warnin…
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Added by Farktoid on March 10, 2009 at 7:00pm —
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Welcome back, Spillensteins, to another unfortunate yet necessary episode of Freeform Anger. Tonight’s feature, direct from the Home Office in the 10th level of Hades is 2006’s “Employee of the Month,” starring Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson. Mensa was sad to lose t…
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Added by Farktoid on March 8, 2009 at 6:06pm —
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A few days ago I picked up Puzzle Quest: Galactrix on the PC. The short version is that this game has the same love/hate relationship as Chris Brown and Rhianna. Unless that's too soon.
Puzzle Quest is a strange hybrid of Bejeweled and Mass Effect. It…
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Added by Farktoid on March 8, 2009 at 1:51am —
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Welcome back Spillmeisters, It's time for another action-packed rage-fest that I like to call Freeform Anger. Superjail's warden has issued me a copy of "Still Waiting," the direct-to-DVD sequel to "Waiting..." a cautionary tale that taught me to never antagonize my waiter lest any number of bodily fluids find their way into my food.
Seriously, I'm up to a 20% tip thanks to Ryan Reynolds' implied ballsack.
I don't know dick about this thing, so let's just dive right in. I've been drinking for…
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Added by Farktoid on March 6, 2009 at 7:23pm —
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For you BSG fans, we found out on Friday's episode "Someone to Watch Over Me" that (spoiler) Starbuck's dad knew the song "All Along the Watchtower," which was the song that brought four of the Final Five together, and was recreated by Boomer's daughter Hera in her drawings. I did a some research, and here are my interpretations behind why this song was chosen as the Cylons' national anthem, as it were.
First of all, here are the lyrics.
“There must be some kind of way out of here,”…
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Added by Farktoid on March 1, 2009 at 1:00am —
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Okay Spillobears, it’s time for another dreaded Freeform Anger. Tonight’s feature retch-fest is
Extreme Movie, a mercifully direct-to-DVD release from the guys what wrote the palatable spoof
Not another Teen Movie, and the exceptionally unfortunate
The Comebacks. Michael Cera’s in this one, which makes me wonder why he’d be in this and not in the Arrested Development movie currently maybe sorta in the works. Cera, if you’re reading, DO THAT MOVIE. I will give you a dollar.…
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Added by Farktoid on February 23, 2009 at 4:00pm —
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The Razzies were announced about 13 seconds ago, and here are the results:
Worst Picture: The Love Guru
Worst Actor: Mike Myers, The Love Guru
Worst Actress: Paris Hilton, The Hottie and the Nottie
Worst Supporting Actress:Paris Hilton, Repo: The Genetic Opera
Worst Supporting Actor: Pierce Brosnan, MAMMA MIA!
Worst Screen Couple:Paris Hilton and either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore in The Hottie and the Nottie
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off or Sequel: Indiana Jones and The Kingdom…
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Added by Farktoid on February 22, 2009 at 4:58am —
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Greetings Spillionaires, it’s time for another edition of Freeform Anger. Tonight I’ll be watching that movie everyone loves to hate,
Twilight, and jotting notes as I watch.
Now I must preface this by saying that I tried to read the book. I TRIED. I was stuck in an airport for 5 hours and I wanted to see what the hubbub was about. Midway through the book I instead wanted to claw my eyes out. Twilight reads like a ridiculous…
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Added by Farktoid on February 11, 2009 at 1:00am —
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Yo dawgs,
I've done some blog posts about Freeform Anger, and I'm looking for movies that just make you rage. Leave any suggestions in the comments section and I'll see what I can do about them. Also any suggestions to improve FFA would be killer sweet.
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Added by Farktoid on February 7, 2009 at 8:59pm —
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Welcome to another installment of Freeform Anger, in which I watch a horrible movie and jot down whatever offends me the most about the flick. And since I’m a /b/tard, I’m very hard to offend.
Tonight I’ll be watching the Razzie-nominated
Meet the Spartans, another attack on humanity by the writing/directing team of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. I’m not sure why these assmagnets haven’t been booted from the Writers’ Guild, and I have the feeling tonight’s flick won’t help their caus…
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Added by Farktoid on February 7, 2009 at 4:19pm —
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This is an experiment on the human mind. One at which I take great personal risk in attempting, or even contemplating. I have a copy of the unrated version of
Disaster Movie, from the makers of such gems as
Date Movie and
Epic Movie. I smell a pattern. A stinky, vomit-inducing pattern. So I,
much like Cyrus did, am about to put on my +1 Hat of “Oh God Why The Fuck Is This Happening” and just write…
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Added by Farktoid on February 6, 2009 at 10:30pm —
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