Rating-Full Price!!   Peter Jackson's The Lord Of The Rings trilogy is my second favorite trilogy ever (Sorry guys, but in my book Nolan's Batman is still number 1), so naturally I was skeptical when I heard that they were making The Hobbit into a trilogy. But I have to say that while An Unexpected Journey isn't even in the same ballpark as the LOTR trilogy, it is still really kickass.   The story is one of the stronger points of An Unexpected Journey. It is well…

Rating-Full Price!!   Rise of the Planet of the Apes blows away most of the science-fiction films of the past two decades. With its brilliant script that goes to places other science fiction films have either been too afraid to go to or have done wrong. It also features the best visual effects since James Cameron's Avatar, along with terrific performances from everyone, especially Andy Serkis as the chimp Cesar. Rise of the Planet of the Apes is the best entry in the…

Rating-Rental   Ghost Town features a creepy setting and impressive special effects (When you take into account its extremely low budget), unfortunately what drags it down is the poor script, sub-par acting, and those typical "Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me" moments expected in a SYFY channel original movie. Worth a Rental, but nothing more than…

Rating-Some Ole' Bullsh*t!!   Despite its unique tone and creepy visuals, The Passing is about as un-scary as a movie can be, and is often funny when it isn't trying to be. It sure doesn't help when the script is THIS bad and the actors clearly don't know how to fucking act.

Rating-Some Ole' Bullsh*t!!   What happens when the lunatics take over the asylum? Well, you get one suck ass movie. Despite the creepy atmosphere and some creepy visuals, Asylum Blackout fails due to a lackluster plot, dog shit dialogue, and terrible acting. If you want something similar to this go out and play Batman: Arkham Asylum. Not only cause it's Batman, but also because it kicks ass and it does this type of story really well, where as this film does…

Rating-Better Than Sex!!!   Argo is a beautifully acted, fascinating, dark, gorgeously shot, thrilling, and often heartbreaking masterpiece. But what truly is the best part of the film is Ben Affleck, with this not only has he proven himself one of the best actors in Hollywood right now but he has also proven himself to be one of the best directors in the industry. One of the best movies I have seen in a long…

Rating-Some Ole' Bullsh*t!!   I'm not going to lie: I do not find Megan Fox actractive at all. No, its not because of her toe-thumbs (though those don't exactly help) it's because of horrible an actress she is. Okay, in this movie you have Megan Fox playing the typical snobish high school cheerleader who gets possessed by a demon after a fire, now her friend Needy (played by Amanda Seyfried) must stop her from eating everyone. Sounds interesting right? Well, at some parts…

Rating-F**K YOU!!!   Despite featuring the incredible acting talents of Hunger Games star Jennifer Lawrence, House at The end Of The Street is the clear cut definition of a dog shit horror film with horrendous acting and a dumb ass script. Why was this given a theatrical release…

Rating-F**K YOU!!!   Okay! Who's bright idea was it to turn a series with over 50 episodes that run at half an half hour each into a 90 minute film?! This film is directed by M.Night Shaymalan who most people remember from really good films such as The Sixth Sense, Signs, and the god-awful The Happening. His strengths are that he works really well with actors, he knows how to set up twist and surprises. In this film however, you hav none of those. Instead all you get is…

Rating- F**K YOU!!!   You know what? If Uwe Boll isn't going to take the time to try to make his movies at least watchable, then I'm not going to write a decent sized review. Here is my review: Acting- Horrible,The Script- abysmal, Action- Even worse than the script. Man, fuck Uwe Boll, goddamn douchebag needs to stop making movies and do something else instead. (That was my review, now I'm sort of ranting.) The reason we won't ever get a great video game movie is because…

Rating-(Low)Full Price!!   Star Trek: First Contact's plot is that Captain Picard and the crew of the Enterprise must stop the Borg from altering history. Now, I'm going to let you know right off the bat that the plot is the weakest part. Despite it being well told, it contains numerous plot holes that are kind of hard not to notice. And yet, that is overshadowed by the great acting, smart dialogue, terrific special effects, and phenomenal action scenes. First Contact…

Rating-(High)Full Price!!   I'm not really much of a Star Trek fan (I saw like one season of TNG and some of the movies), but hot damn was this movie fucking badass. During one of the worst summer movie seasons in cinematic history (2009) Star Trek came out and blew audiences and critics away, and for very good reason. It is one of the best summer movies ever and if you call yourself a fan of sci-fi you must see this, and if you love a fun action movie you must see…

Rating-F**K YOU!!!   I have never seen the Arnold Conan films, so I didn't know what to expect when I saw this horrendous excuse of a film. But those originals... they have got to be better than this! Cause this... this piece of shit pissed me the fuck off, there is nothing of quality here! NOTHING! The plot is that Conan, as a boy witnesses his father being killed along with the rest of his village. Who does this to him? A warlord that is so one-dimensional that he…

Rating-Rental   I do not like this movie. I apparently am one of the few that thinks that Independence Day is one of the most overrated films ever. Now, if you are one of those that loves this movie: A. WTF do you see in this stupid ass movie? and B. Stop reading this review right now, cause I'm not going to do anything but talk shit about this movie.Independence Day's stupid plot is that aliens come down and are basically all like "Yo, earthlings. You are going down" and…

Rating-Rental   In case you have been living under a rock for the past decade, then you probably know that the world was supposed to end last year as predicted by fucking fools. So, I'm going to review the movie which is equally as fucking stupid. The movie stars John Cusack as a failed author who finds out that the world is ending, so he tries to take his family to safety from the oncoming apocalypse. The plot is downright silly, with dumb shit that makes no sense to an…

Rating-Matinee'   Contraband tells the tale of a legendary smuggler who is forced back into the business when a crook holds his wife and kid hostage. The script is well written, containing good dialogue and a good plot. The acting is also pretty good, and the film greatly benefits from Mark Wahlberg as…

Rating-Some Ole' Bullsh*t!!   2009 and 2010 were the worst summer movie seasons, like ever. For every good movie that was released during them (District 9, Toy Story 3, Inception, Iron Man 2) we had a ton of shitty movies that accompanied them. And G.I Joe: The Rise of Cobra was one of the bad ones, yet not as bad as some of the others were. It is just flat-out stupid.   G.I Joe: The Rise Of Cobra is about... well, it's about a team of soldiers trying to stop…

Rating-(Low)Matinee'   Savages tells the story of a woman and her two boyfriends who run a successful drug business. The cops don't care, and their business really isn't that violent... that is until the Mexican drug cartel shows up and is like "you are going to come work for us, and if you say no we kill you." Naturally the two friends are like "No, fuck you." The cartel retaliates by kidnapping their girlfriend, now they must get her back.   So how did this film…

Rating-Matinee'   I, Spy (Based on the tv show of the same name, which I have never seen) is the story of a special agent and a famous boxer who are forced to work together in order to recover a stolen stealth plane. The story is beyond stupid, and the dialogue is sort of a mixed bag. So why do I like this movie? It's sense of fun is why, which is because it moves at a "Fast but not too fast" pacing. There is always something comedic, action packed, or a little bit of…

Rating-Some ole' Bullsh*t!!   Poorly filmed, horribly acted, not scary, and almost unwatchable. Scary or die is the clear example of what horror anthologies should avoid being like. I love horror anthologies, so if I say that the film is boring then the film is fucking boring, and I'm quite forgiving of these types of movies.  The only reason I'm not giving this film a "F**K YOU" is because it helped put me to sleep. Goddamn, how do you make a movie like this with blood,…