If it's crap ... We'll tell you
If you told me a decade ago that Ben Affleck would become of one of my favorite directors, I'd probably die from the aneurysm caused by an epileptic seizure of laughter.
HOT DAMN. Those were the first two words that came out of my mouth last night from watching Argo. This is going to be one of those films where I couldn't find anything wrong with it, and I'm going to spend the next few paragraphs explaining why you should you drop what you're…Continue
Added by Ha-Ra on October 14, 2012 at 4:24pm — No Comments
Hey little girl, where did you get that paint? How did you make the Sinisterly face? Why are you looking at me with pure evil in your heart?
It’s been a good long while since a horror film really got to me. Don’t get me wrong, The Cabin in the Woods was and still is an awesome movie, but it never really scared me (but it did make me laugh).…Continue
Added by Ha-Ra on October 10, 2012 at 9:00pm — No Comments
There are few experiences that can leave one emotionally drained and satisfied, like having sex while you and your partner are on fire. For everyone else, there’s Batman.…Continue
For Father’s Day, let’s do something different
One of my earliest memories about movies was hearing my dad talk about Back to the Future while we played Monopoly with my mom. I think I was 4 or 5 at the time, and he talked about these time traveling adventures. As a four-year-old that was all I wanted to know about a movie so I asked my dad if I could see it. The following weekend, he bought the Back to the Future Trilogy on VHS and gave them to me. We…Continue
Added by Ha-Ra on June 17, 2012 at 1:26pm — No Comments
If we get an “invitation” from aliens, let’s treat it exactly like a Facebook invite from someone you barely know and ignore that shit…and remember to defriend them.
It’s been a good long while since Ridley Scott has made me excited in my pants. The man has made a fantastic name for himself in the past decade as the director for gritty or historical dramas, and oddly working with …
Sigh…remember when Will Smith used to make awesome movies?
Once upon a time, eons ago in the year of 1997, came a movie called Men in Black, which paired the Fresh Prince and the old, tough-as-nails Fugitive hunter as cops policing alien activity on Earth. It was a fun popcorn muncher when it came out, and inspired me to wear my first suit when I was only 10-years-old. Everyone cried out for a sequel and we got one: it was basically the same exact plot as…Continue
Added by Ha-Ra on June 6, 2012 at 11:00pm — No Comments
The day someone believes Kristen Stewart is hotter than Charlize Theron is the day Walt Disney opens a snow-shoveling business in hell.
And at long last the saga of Snow White Films comes to an anti-climatic close. We first started the year off with Mirror, Mirror; a piss-poor and embarrassing part-kiddie, part-RomCom; that failed in…Continue
Added by Ha-Ra on June 5, 2012 at 12:22am — No Comments
You knew this was going to be bad, I knew this was going to bad. But, there’s a surprise! It’s NOT bad! It’s REALLY bad!
If there was ever a trial that was accusing Hollywood of sinking to unbelievably bad levels of mining for brand recognition, then Battleship would be Exhibit A for Atrocity. As I mentioned a few weeks …Continue
Added by Ha-Ra on May 18, 2012 at 5:52pm — No Comments
Who knew that you could make millions of dollars by playing Mad Libs with romantic melodramas? Besides Stephanie Meyer, Nicholas Sparks, and Tom Clancy…
I know I'm not the target audience for Nicholas Sparks movies like this. But you know what? There are plenty of romantic films that I like (Love Actually) and some that I rank as my all-time favorite films (Casablanca, Love and Other Drugs and Midnight in Paris). That sentence is…Continue
Added by Ha-Ra on April 25, 2012 at 11:30pm — No Comments
Oh Joss Whedon, I now see why people worship you and suck from your luscious teat. You give the minds of film-lovers the greatest blow job in history.
Disclaimer: this will be a spoiler-free review for people who are still on the fence about this. Short answer: run to the fucking theater right now. Long answer…
I feel sorry for any person that does not watch this movie. I pity you even more if you are an avid lover of horror films. This is simply…Continue
Gaze upon the poster ladies and gentleman, for it’s the most exciting part of this “epic” movie.
I hate to review films like this. Films that have no fucking right to exist because they are simply not fun to write since there’s not enough to ridicule or to lavish with praise. Wrath of Titans is not a terrible film, but it’s not a good movie. It falls into that lazy pit of forgettable mediocrity that NO ONE will remember years from now. Hell, I seriously…Continue
Added by Ha-Ra on April 14, 2012 at 8:16pm — No Comments
The trailer said this is the reunion you've been waiting for, the people who made that trailer are going to a special place in Hell for lying.
No one asked for an American Pie sequel. The first movie told it's fucking story of a group of teenagers on a mission to lose their virginity and did nothing else. It's a tale as old as time itself; but this was in 1999, and people getting the chance to see naked boobs on screen was a sort of big deal back in…Continue
Remakes, prequels, sequels, reboots, adaptations, and now 3D re-releases. Starting next week, Hollywood will dig up the desecrated body of your first pet and dress it up in shiny lights to sell for profit. Impossible? Not for Hollywood!
"There's no creativity in Hollywood anymore!" I'm 110% sure you've either heard that phrase somewhere or you have said it perhaps within the last month. Maybe you've seen the phrase on Facebook, Twitter, or hell even here on Spill.…Continue
Added by Ha-Ra on April 4, 2012 at 7:30pm — No Comments
Once upon a time, there lived two Hollywood executives who both loved wiping money with their ass. They found the best way to get said money was to make movies based on stories and names everyone will recognize. So they both picked…Continue
Added by Ha-Ra on April 3, 2012 at 12:04pm — No Comments
In a world where full-grown adults can pass themselves off as teenagers, two maligned actors somehow spin comedy gold out from a terrible idea.
Many eons ago in 1987, a police procedural show about young-looking adults infiltrating schools to stop crime, and featuring a young Johnny Depp, was one of the most…Continue
Added by Ha-Ra on March 29, 2012 at 10:30pm — No Comments
The form of martial arts practiced in this film is called Silat, which is Indonesian for “beating the holy hell out of someone.” As in the beating someone receives is so brutal, that hell itself is a cake walk by comparison.
Action films have been having a glaring problem for the past few years in that they…Continue
Added by Ha-Ra on March 28, 2012 at 7:42pm — No Comments
Saints Row has traditionally been known as the bastard child of the Grand Theft Auto series. Mostly because SR, like GTA, dealt with gangsters stealing cars and fighting with the criminal underworld. But now, the series has evolved into something different: a supervillain simulator that has no pretensions to reality...and I wouldn't have it any other…Continue
The world of sandbox video games has changed. Ushered in by Rockstar Games' groundbreaking Grand Theft Auto III ten years ago, sandbox games have become incredibly prevalent throughout the games industries. While some developers have shamelessly taken the GTA formula and added nothing to it, game developers have recently taken the sandbox genre into exciting new places. The Assassin's Creed Series, Batman: Arkham City, S.T.A.L.K.E.R., Dead Rising, and countless other games have taken an…Continue
Added by Ha-Ra on October 24, 2011 at 3:30pm — No Comments
The Three Musketeers is one of my favorite books of all time. That's not an understatement, Alexander Dumas' classic has influenced my own storytelling to a great degree. But I don't love it just for its age (like a pretentious literature snob), but I love it for being a fun, swashbuckling adventure doubling as revisionist history featuring the exploits of three drunken and hard edge fighters teaming up with a young, quick upstart to stop the nefarious plot of Cardinal…Continue
Added by Ha-Ra on October 22, 2011 at 11:30am — No Comments