NOTICE: Okay, before we begin, that following you are about to read is actually one of the first anime reviews I did before joining Planet Tyro and this is the one that Donwun first notices from the many, many, many various blogs of Spill and the rest is history...and if you read the title, yes, that is my first review and I got pissed at both results......especially the latter. Also note that I always review anime with an open mind and I didn't do it because of how bad I heard it was or wanting to trash it, especially if it deserves it. So I'm gonna stop typing and read the first review that I wrote.

2nd NOTICE: I'm also going to revamp the review a little by making it take place after the review by Angel and me dealing with Kurai in her storyline.

I really needed to get this out of my system before I go haywire. Remember when I mentioned some anime can go too far and it can be overly offensive, even to the anime fanbase of both Japanese and western audiences? Guess what, I watch two anime series that completely fits that title. I heard of how bad and horrible it is, from any people that said it on many blogs, anonymous YouTube reviews, especially some reviews from the JesuOtaku Anime Review show, part of That Guy With The Glasses and DesuDes Brigade, but like a curious idiot, I decided to check out 2 series: Ikki Tousen (一騎当千, Ikkitōsen^?, lit. "Strength of a Thousand") and Eiken (エイケン^?). They obviously have something in common: They are both mostly fanservice bait shows and their contributors are J.C. Staff, an anime company I never heard of until now and they are completely hacks.

And I thought Sucker Punch is really stupid.

and with that introduction out of the way, let's get into..........

First up:

Ikki Tousen

Seven high schools in Japan are waging out an all-out turf war for ruling the terriorities and one fighter stands out and her name is Hakufu Sonsaku. She is a high school student transfer to Nanyo Academy and she is a highly skilled fighter, but to make more amusing, she has the personality of a ditzy valley girl.

Hakufu Sonsaku is basically just there for the money shots in the series. In mostly every scene in the series, this is an upskirt panty shot whenever she's fighting or doing whatever the hell she does. Not to mention, she really adds the unnecessary relationship between her and her cousin Koukin whenever she obviously does stuff like spanking her ass, almost having her top off, and her uniform getting ripped to shreds every time she fights. Seriously, who made those uniforms, Brawny? Koukin is basically the guy who gets nervous whenever he's in the presence of being near girls' breasts; however, he gets a pass because IT'S HIS FUCKING COUSIN. The other characters like Ryomou are really there for more applied fanservice and Ryofu for the same reason and for a little yuri. That's right. She goes both ways with another girl named Chinkyu and blah blah blah. Who really cares?

As for the animation……Oh wait, what animation exists here? It’s mostly still shots of fighting instead of actual fighting because the animators were too busy of ridiculous boob physics. Some of the background work looks fine but still, the main part of the series was supposed to be the fights and yet the fights are really weak and uninspired to intent.

The music is so-so and nothing to give a damn about. It’s mostly generic J-Pop in the beginning and in the end something that was sentimental and yet doesn’t fit the tone to the series due to his overwhelming ridiculousness and speaking of that, I can’t believe how bad the Geneon/New Generation Pictures dub is and fuck, this is one of the worst dubs I ever watch with Carrie Savage, whose natural charm of naïve and cuteness, doesn’t work on a character who’s not even hateful but just pure damn annoying. You might as well just watch the sub…..wait, wrong statement…..yeah, just don’t watch it.

Eiken

In this 2 episode series, Densuke Mifune is a high school student who stumbles upon the love of his life, Chiharu Shinomone, and by stumble, I mean they bumped into each other and the first thing he stumble was her enormous F-Cup (yes, F-Cup!) breasts and so, he is forced to join the Eiken Club, where he's surrounded by many girls, also with enormous endowments.

Densuke is mostly what I mentioned about Koukin. He get aroused by pretty women but he gets nervous and fidgety. That's mostly it. All the other characters basically have no characteristics besides getting Densuke to sexually grab them and arouse them. Basically, it's man rape and he doesn't enjoy it that much. Also, what's it called when you take something but it gets out of hand?

Oh yeah, it's OVERKILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why in the hell does....a 6th grade girl.....has breasts the size of fucking basketballs? Why the purple-haired girl does only seems to eat only phallic-shaped foods? The bungee-jumping scene? That falling down scene which seems like Paul WS Anderson directed this? (Yeah, I'm letting Zack Snyder slide this time.) The yogurt slide? The chocoslide? Eels up the @&#*$! ? That sister of Chiharu whose mission in life is to get Densuke to fuck her? Everybody has to flash their asses? We get it!! You are fan service but there is something called SUBTLETY and nobody in here seems to know this.

For terms in all areas of animation, music, and especially both voice acting, let me just say this is the worst example of those: The animation is either being re-used for some occasion, the scenes of the ramen and yogurt that’s made to look like jizz…..yeah, that’s possibly from all the animators, creator, writer and the director. It’s either used for comedic effort and yet, it’s not funny at all, just shock for shock and it turns out lame. The music is very forgetful, yes, they have beginning and ending songs but did you really remember those rights out of the gate? The dub done by Media Blasters and using Arvintel Media Productions for the ADR work……big fucking dumb mistake as they are completely incompetent with the worst voice acting from voice actors who are actually good and yet it breaks my heart hearing Stephanie Sheh (under a different name by the way) voicing Chiharu as I know she has done better voice roles in her career. Hell, most people who watched and reviewed Kanokon know the dub voice acting was terrible.

FINAL VERDICT:

I can choose only which one is the worst of them all. I can say both but I'm not gonna take the easy way out. There isn't going to be a cop out. The worst anime of those two is:

EIKEN
 
but really, the truth is that:

I HATE THEM BOTH!! ‘NUFF SAID.

 
Planet Tyro Ratings:

EIKEN/IKKI TOUSEN (THE FIRST SEASON) - Clownshoes!

'til then, I'm MAK2.0 aka The Hybrid, bringing all the elements in one subtle format.
I guess I'll deal with Kurai later.

Eiken and Ikki Tousen are animated by JC STAFF. The former licensed by MEDIA BLASTERS and the latter by FUNIMATION (formerly GENEON)

THE MIND OF THE HYBRID ONE - my Tumblr page.