If it's crap... We'll tell you

Have you ever taken pleasure in someone else's misery?

I guess it's my turn to start a discussion... Something popped into my head just now and I wanted to know if anyone else had a similar anecdote before I go look for a shrink.

I was walking back from my exam earlier today, positively glowing with happiness and relief (a rare thing for me these days) at never having to discuss or read about goddamn prehistoric archaeology ever again, when, at the corner of my eye, I see someone quickly turn around who looked suspiciously like the last guy I dated. Needless to say, it was a REALLY bad break up that earned him the moniker "The Asshole." The striking thing was not that he was standing there apparently waiting for someone in the middle of the day when he should be at work. No, what struck me was how bad he looked. He did not look attractive at all. It got me wondering about why the heck I was attracted to him in the first place. He was not wearing flattering clothing and he had a pretty bad hair cut. He also looked really thin. For some reason, I got a kick out of that. Actually, it totally made my day.

So here's my question: what was the best situation in which you ran into an ex or anyone you didn't like? I want to know about times where you know that you walked away from an encounter as the "winner." Or also, any case of Shadenfreude (taking pleasure in someone else's misfortune) you've experienced and why it happened (you can't help but laugh when karma bites someone in the ass). I don't think my example really applies to that last thing because I don't know for sure if he got fired or if he's unhappy or both. But I did take pleasure in the fact that he looked awful (and that I happened to look cute and happy instead of my usual sleepy and pissed off) and that he couldn't face me out of embarassment, particularly when he's the one who made the last contact.

I'm counting on you guys to not make me feel bad about this confession. By the way, be honest. No one's here to judge. Even if you regret them now, I want to hear (read) some stories.

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Permalink Reply by MDS on December 5, 2008 at 4:00pm: One of my ex's was invited to a mutual friend's wedding. Everyone was so worried that I would cause a scene because I still sort of carried a flame for her. I get to the wedding, and she's dressed in an old dress she's had for at least 10yrs or so. I'm decked out in brand new slacks, shirt, tie, shoes and haircut. Her hair had much more gray in it then people remembered. As the day goes on, and I'm holding nice chit-chat with other friends, even looking her direction and pulling her into the conversation. I'm asking about her family, her child, her new job working outside of retail, and everything in the world being all 'cool-calm-collected' during the whole thing. Actually acting like I'm trying to re-connect to an old friend that I hadn't seen in about 4 years.

When the day's winding down, I've got more and more people coming up to me and asking "Why is she being so bitchy to you?" , "Why is she trying to cold-shoulder you?" sort of comments from people. I am starting to feel all 'Better-person' about the whole thing. But within the last 15-30min, her friend comes over (Another mutual friend) and she whispers to me "You know, XXXXXX has been completely miserable lately? You know how all she does is tell everyone that she's over you and how she doesn't want anything more to do with you?" and I answer in a sort of sympathetic way "That's too bad. I was hoping that she would have been happy. After all, no one wants to be miserable all the time."

Her friend sort of frowns, and says "Well, she's in the bathroom right now crying because you are the best thing she's ever had and she threw it all away. She's in the bathroom wanting you to come to her and tell her everything is going to be alright."

Without missing a beat, and without a second's hesitation I responded, "She lost that right the moment she threw me out, and if she hadn't been a bitch to me all day, I might have done it. As it is now, there is only one thing that will get me in that bathroom, and it's not going to happen."

Friend looks at me, smiles one of the biggest smiles I've ever seen from her in years. "Good for you, I'll go tell her it's her own fault for being bitchy. She's just going to have to accept that she's never going to find another man as good as you were to her."

I went home feeling like I was on cloud nine.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jessica on December 5, 2008 at 6:51pm: Yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about! More points for you because you were actually trying to be nice and have a talk with her. :)
If I had been her, I'd have just gone home instead of crying in the bathroom. What would that accomplish? Was it her trying to manipulate you into doing something? Did she send her friend out to tell you to go to her or did the friend decide that one his/her own?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by MDS on December 5, 2008 at 7:31pm: Honestly can't say. Personal opinion? I'd say that the ex was trying to create a scene where she could 'test' me.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jessica on December 5, 2008 at 7:33pm: Does that kind of behavior represent how she was during the relationship? I really can't stand people that manipulative.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by MDS on December 5, 2008 at 7:45pm: Uh... yes and no.

I can see her going with an attempt TO manipulate because of her personality.

BUT, she never did anything on that large of a scale WHILE we were together. So, it's tough to say. Maybe she really DID want me to come to her side and tell her things would be okay. Maybe she wanted to see if the flame I carried for her was THAT big of a flame to begin with. Maybe she just wanted to see if I'd still be at her beck and call.

All I know is that what I told the friend was true. Once we break up (for any reason) you automatically loose the right to a lot of things with me.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jessica on December 5, 2008 at 7:53pm: I'm the same way. If someone breaks up with me, that's over forever even if it's really painful. I feel that if you go back, it's like agreeing to put up with being used in some way. It might lead them to think they have some kind of hold over you and that they control the relationship.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by MDS on December 5, 2008 at 7:57pm: Forever? What about if the breakup is only like a month? Maybe two? Where you have one of those mini-breakups that happen sometimes when people are actually more ANGRY than 'Over' someone?

I know that I had a relationship that ended for about a month before. We got back together for around a year afterwards. Okay, yeah sure it REALLY blew up on the second breakup, but it can work for some people. Depends of course on how the breakup happens and way. Some things are instant "OVER!", and others are "Let's see how this works" situations.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jessica on December 5, 2008 at 8:02pm: Yeah, my first real relationship was full of "mini break-ups" and I realized that I have no reason to put up with that kind of BS. When I get pissed off, I don't break up with someone just to hurt them. If someone does that to me, there's just no more trust for me. If it's a mutually decided break, that might be different. But if I get dumped or if I dump, that's the end for me. I don't do on and off anymore, I'm too old for that crap. lol; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by K.2.0 on December 5, 2008 at 8:22pm: yea.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by K.2.0 on December 5, 2008 at 5:38pm: At the beginning of senior year of college, the guy I was dating, who played on our varsity basketball team pissed me off for the umpteenth time and we had a falling out complete with shouting and slamming doors. So, we break up, watev. About a month later, I start dating a guy who went to our rival school. Everyone thought I was doing it on purpose because my ex HATES that school and all their sports teams. But, that wasn't the case at all - I genuinely fell for this new guy before I knew what school he went to (Philly has A LOT of schools in it and around it).

Anyway, at our annual rival basketball game, our schools get pretty harsh with each other. A lot of ppl at my bf's school knew that I had dated #3, our star player and that he was an asshole. So, many of the chants consisted of "# 3, Where's your girl?!" and "My boy *name* took your girl", etc. At first, I was a little upset (I did wanna see our school win - and we did). But then a few days later, some mutual friends told me that he was REAL mad/sad/upset about the whole thing. And, he approached me saying he felt bad because he knew I was way happier than I could ever be with him. I apologized to him for all the chanting, but inside I was sheepishly smiling. But, to be honest, I felt bad about smiling inside because I genuinely internalize others' pain. Watev. Still a pimp.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jessica on December 5, 2008 at 6:59pm: Hey, you're from Philly! I have family there. I was there just last summer! :)
Great story, by the way. I think I would have been mortified if my entire school had been chanting about any of my failed relationships. Was it his bruised ego that led to the apology? Or was it something else like more embarassment? Well, at least he was a big man about it and apologized instead of taking a baseball bat to your car or something.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by K.2.0 on December 5, 2008 at 8:20pm: I'm actually from nyc, but I went to school in philly. 4 good years there. I left in May, went back to visit in June. I'm actually going next weekend to visit my girls.
haha, well, we had a pretty public breakup so the mass chanting didn't really bother me. Yea, it was def his bruised ego.

and had he done ANYTHING to my car I woulda sliced his nuts off. = ).; ▶ Reply to This