If it's crap... We'll tell you

What if? Bad Directors team up!

I was out tonight with some friends after seeing a good movie, and we we're talking about movies in general, when the topic of bad movies and directors came up. I was curious, what would happen if you got Uwe Boll, Joel Schumacher, Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer,and Michael Bay to all write, and direct the same film together, as a team of some of what I consider to be the worst directors ever. Would it cause a small explosion that would create an enormous crater in the earth, viewable from space? Or would it possibly be so bad that it would somehow bend the laws of the universe and become the best movie ever made? Just some random thoughts from movie goers at 3 AM.

"This is mostly for fun, I realize 2 out of 5 of these guys have a few decent movies under their belts, but not many." ^_~

Tags: aaron, bad, bay, boll, directors, friedberg, jason, joel, michael, schumacher

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Permalink Reply by MyWifeDave on July 4, 2009 at 6:57am: I'm sure that no matter how bad it got there would be at least one thread on this forum defending it if Bay is involved.

Anyway, with that crew of directors their would be no need for actors, they'd have to use cardboard cut outs with the characters being so 1 dimensional.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Keira Reed on July 4, 2009 at 6:09pm: Your right. I'm always surprised at how many people enjoy Bay's work.

lol, I'd love to see them talk about the cutouts. "Think about it, we wouldn't have to pay any actor salaries! And we could make all the cutouts look like hot women! And in the end, will blow them all up in slow-mo! yeaaaaahh....thas the ticket..."; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Butters on July 4, 2009 at 7:53pm: Joel Schumacher isn't a bad director... same with Michael Bay. Well they are, but they're not terrible like the rest.
Schumacher actually made some good movies.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Keira Reed on July 4, 2009 at 8:11pm: lol, I know their not as terrible. As I said, they have a few good films. I enjoyed The Number 23 and Armageddon. :D But they seem to make alot more bad movies than good. :D; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by MyWifeDave on July 5, 2009 at 10:07am: I think I'd rather die than see emo Jim Carrey again.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Keira Reed on July 5, 2009 at 6:40pm: LOL, I'll admit, it was a very different roll for the man.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Gnarf on July 4, 2009 at 8:17pm: c'mon people stop talkin shit about bay.. he isn't a great director but he's great in his genre. he doesn't try to make good movies he tries to make entertaining movies. don't go into a bay movie expecting a great plot, go expecting a great ride. if you do this you'll see he's not as bad as you think; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Keira Reed on July 4, 2009 at 9:02pm: Maybe for me a great plot is a great ride. Besides, I'm not always in the mood for over the top action, and explosions that I can't see due to a shakey camera. See, Bay's action isn't even that good. There have been better action movie directors like John McTiernan who directed Die Hard 3, or Quitain Tarantino who has done loads of great action films. Not to mention I HATE frat boy humor. But that's me.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by ProtoEva00 on July 5, 2009 at 12:44am: Bay is a hack, and a terrible director. His only talant is putting kinetic energy into a scene, makeing him a special effects co-ordinator at best. If his actors get a decent line in, it's because they got lucky, or are really good actors. Who else but Sean Connery could say, no, I think I'll do it my way so it doesn't suck, to Bay.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Keira Reed on July 5, 2009 at 5:49am: I second this! :D; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Chig Champa on July 5, 2009 at 5:54am: Great in his genre? I didn't know "pure shit" was a genre.

If you're going to equate his film to a "ride," allow me to elaborate on that.

Watching a Michael Bay film is like being stuck on a low-speed roller coaster ride through the middle of a sewage treatment facility.

A two and a half hour long low-speed roller coaster ride, where every now and again the car wobbles so badly you wonder if it was made in a factory full of blind children with no hands.

There's a kid in the seat behind you that wont stop kicking, and a college student in front of you who wont stop laughing about how awesome he thinks "tits" are.
You're powerless to stop either of them, because you've been strapped down and gagged.
Why is it so God damned hot in this factory? It must be at least a hundred and ten degrees in here.

Sometimes someone will yell at you with a megaphone from a platform while you pass.
You wont be able to understand a single thing they're saying because the megaphone is too loud and they're holding it too close to their mouth.

During the course of this ride you experience nothing that could remotely be called "fun," and you just wish it would fucking stop already.

Finally at the end of the ride a factory employee steps out of a doorway and throws a ten gallon bucket of feces on you.

Then you're forcibly removed from the car and taken to attend your mother's funeral.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Keira Reed on July 5, 2009 at 7:56am: OMG, they made you attend your mother's funeral at the end too? I thought it was just my bad luck.; ▶ Reply to This