"Save your children from being goth!"

This is an actual email handed out to parents of St. Mary's Church. ((With my commentary))

* This was handed out to parents by a church *

Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary’s Church

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that
young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer,
and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan’s temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing. (( Could be a Techie))

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. ((Shit, I'm a goth))

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols. ((So I'm guessing by odd they mean not a cross)

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) ((Dude, not even goths like him, he's just kinda there))

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible ((mm the bible is totally wholesome, what with rape, incest, murder, and war)) prayer, church or sports ((Had to put sports in there)).

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. (( Vampires then most little teenage girls who are obessed with Twilight are goth))

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol. ((Its the devils sauce!!!))

-Is suicidal and/or depressed. ((Don't need to be goth to be depressed. IF your depressed, your alive.))

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) (( I'm thinking your confusing them with emo, ))

-Complains of boredom. ((Shit. I'm gothic, again))

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night. ((So all insomniacs are goth?))

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. ((Cause they don't want to hang around your crazy ass))

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) (( Let that sink in a little))

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. (( Cause very teenageer wants to spend time with friends with their mom, right?))

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. (( Don't get me started about priest, maybe it IS good that they disobey them,))

-Misbehaves at school. (( That sounds just like every other teenage I've met))

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this. (( ShUT THE HELL UP THAT CEREAL IS DELICOUS!!))

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) (( I bet you whoever wrote this watches Fox News))

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. (( So if your play WoW, you sir are a goth))

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. (( I think they mean head banging))

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. (( So strippers are all goths))

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates. (( Korey is a goth))

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. ((.....WTF?))

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology (( I'll give you that, that IS a cult)), Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. (( Buddist don't believe in evil...))

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: “I’m so gothic, I’m dead”, “woe is me”, “I’m a goth”.

-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary’s Catholic Church
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I'm not gothic, not that there is anything wrong with it, its just not my thing. But I know this is all bullshit, because if this is true everyone I like is a goth))