It's about 5:38 am, my time, and I've decided to join Spill.com. I've been coming to this site for my movie reviews since about April or May. I usually tend to trust Korey, Cyrus and Co-Host when it comes to movies, but not Leon and Cyrus because they fuck everything up when it comes to good movies. Now, I specifically joined this thread to bitch about the Watchmen review which I felt deserved a god damned Full Price. However, I need time to think of how I should write this rant.
tl;dr I joined Spill to bitch about Watchmen review. I'll do something else instead. Cyrus and Leon suck.
You all will find that as I post in the forums my posts will tend to have obscenities occasionally. I'm not doing it to be edgy or something. My parents swore a lot, I swear a lot. Natural progression. So, I'm going to show you guys a review* I wrote upon seeing Death Proof for the first time. I did not like it.
*Not an actual review.
So, I'll copy and paste some of my writing just so you guys can get a general grasp of my personality and perhaps my taste in movies.
Okay, I just watched Tarantino's Death Proof for the first time. I ain't
gonna lie, it was pretty good. My favourite part was the ending of the
movie. I'm not going to spoil it, but that motherfucker had it coming. I
know it's a parody of B movies because it's what Tarantino does. I'm
all for distorting the truth or rewriting it all together when it comes
to movies (such as Nazi occupied France).
However, I just cannot let this shit slide. The hospital scene where
the sheriff is discussing Stuntman Mike with his deputy. There was just
no effort in that scene whatsoever and I felt really let down.
Basically, the sheriff is angry because he cannot do anything about what
has happened due to lack of evidence. This is where I start fuming. The
sheriff then brushes it off, but vowing that if Stuntman Mike does it
again "it won't be in my state" all the while getting worked up about
not being able to arrest him for what he did. I'm just going to say that
the sheriff is a fucking moron. Like omgwtf. Srsly.
There are three big pieces of evidence you can use to put Stuntman Mike away:
1. Rose McGowan's character. The sheriff said that there were eye
witnesses who said they saw Stuntman Mike and her at the bar and he
offered to drive her home. While the two are at the intersection,
Stuntman Mike asks her if she lives to the left or right. She says she
lives to the right, but Stuntman Mike says it's too bad for her because
he's going left. So, after he goes left, he basically kills her. Now, if
the sheriff had done ANY research, he would notice that the accident
scene is miles away from McGowan's home. It's fucking miles away and in
the opposite direction of the way Stuntman Mike would have had to drive
if he drove her home. There you go, you have a kidnapping charge.
2. The state of the car. Stuntman Mike specifically refers to his car as
a stunt car with the only real protection being the driver seat when
he's talking to McGowan. The girl gets into his car regardless of this
and gets herself killed knowing that there is no real protection for her
should there be an accident. There is no proper seat for her to sit on,
nor is there any seat belt for her to wear. There you go with another
thing to use against him in court.
3. Tire marks. The entire accident scene is Stuntman Mike driving passed
the girls at a high speed up the road before he rips a u-turn and spins
off towards the girls in the other car. Now, anyone who has read even
the smallest articles about forensics knows that there are specialists
who analyze tire marks in accidents to determine how fast a car was
going before the accident. The sheriff wouldn't have even needed to call
in any specialists. In fact, all the sheriff would need to do is look
at the fucking road. You don't need a degree to match tires marks and
you sure as hell don't need to be a qualified professional to conclude
that the car Stuntman Mike was driving turned into the opposite lane and
drove head on into the other fucking car. There's your vehicular
homicide charge, you stupid inbred, redneck motherfucker.
God damn it, that pissed me off.
Fuck you, Tarantino.
Other than that, good movie.
Well, guys. There it is. D: I can only hope I don't come off as too unlikeable because I would quite like to enjoy my time on these forums.